What are your views on smacking?

[DevilwearsPrada]

I was smacked as a child and I am of the view that it hasn't done me any harm. Before I had kids I was certain I wouldn't smack. When I had dd1 (5) I didn't smack her (PFB and all that) but I think if I had she would be more disciplined now. Hindsight and all that.

With dd2 (19 months) I wasn't going to smack either but now she's into toddlerdom and getting up to all sorts I find it's the only way I can stop her doing things. I nly lightly tap her on the bum a couple of times and she is wearing a nappy so won't really hurt. But the shock of it stops her being naughty. I do give her a warning before I do it. I tell her no but she just laughs and does it again. I have a 3 strike rule. With dd1 because I've never smacked her I don't intend to start now. I can reason with her and punish her with taking away things which is hard to do with a 19 month old. I intend to stop smacking dd2 when she reaches an age she'll understand punishment.

I don't really want to smack them both as they get older but I won't rule it out if they're terribly naughty.

What are your views? And how do you discipline your DC?

DS gets 1 2 3 and if he's still doing whatever is naughty, he will have a tap on the leg.

He hasn't had a tap for about 6 months now so I only need to do "1....2..."!!

He used to get put on the "naughty mat" thing when he was small but it never worked - he would sit and sing... you aren't meant to enjoy punishment so I started tapping him instead (never hard, never left a mark etc) which gets through a lot better... also, it's over and done sooner.

Naughty steps and taking things makes the discipline linger - a tap on the leg at the moment of wrong doing lets the moment pass quickly and move on IMO

I don't think the fear of being hit is a healthy way for a child to feel. Nor is actually being hit. It is a betrayal by those that a child is supposed to trust with their care and wellbeing. And betrayals hurt emotionally as well as physically.

It is perfectly possible to bring up well behaved children without smacking and it makes me wonder why any one would choose to hit and hurt their children, when it is perfectly possible not to. Why would you do that?

I find smacking on the whole to be about loss of control in an adult - and the hypocrisy of hitting a child for a loss of their control whilst losing it your self is rather farcical.

Being rather more controversial, I wonder whether the choice to smack is influenced by class or intelligence? It would be interesting to see some research!

I agree with soapbox.

i was smacked as a child by my biological mother once, and once only.

my step mum and i (who now have a very gd relationship) used to argue, alot, she has an awful temper and although i did push her and push her, she didnt imo do the right thing and take herself away, she lost and to this day has - cracked my head open ( hit me i fell back and cracked head on windowsill) and chocked me, so that i had a bruise in the shape of her hand on my neck and hit me so hard i fell down th stairs..

not nice at all...however i recognise this was an extreeme and i was not a LO i was 11
+, still not right tho,probably the reason i left home quite early etc however as a result she has never lost it with either of my sisters,which im glad of

but its had an effect on me, i am proud to say i NEVER hit her back i only ever raised my hand to push away hers,and for this im proud of myself, and i would like to think that i would never have the type of relationsip that would have this level of animosity.... however ive strayed from the point???? god im rambling!

i think what im trying to say is i dont intend to hit, and i certainly wouldnt plan to, to me that sounds quite mean, its the consious choice to smack i disaggree with.

I agree with soapbox.

I was smacked as a child, on the bottom. I wouldn't smack my children but I might smack their hand away if they were going to touch something hot etc.

Hi

I dont think there is anything wrong with a wee smack i was smacked and i am fine

I do ocassionally smack my dd as her behaviour is a nightmare she doesn't listen i know she is only 2 but the only way she does as she is told is if i give her a wee smack on her arm i dont like doing it but i am at my witts end i recently had ds and since then shes been a nightmare in the 1st few weeks i put it down to jealousy but every day she seems to be gettin worse i try to distract her by doing other things like colouring in playing computer washing dishes but if shes in a terror tantrum she listens to nobody

does anyone have any ideas how to stop her wrecking the place a my home is a child friendly place i dont have anything fancy ie ornaments fancy stuff just hundreds of toys

KM - I didn't make the judgement I posed a question and said it would be interesting to see some research.

I can't see why that is any more offensive than wondering whether breastfeeding rates might be based on class and or intelligence.

I was smacked as a child.

I don't smack my children.

If I smacked an adult because I didn't like their behaviour it would be classed as assault. I don't understand why it should be any different for a child.

But Ruby - why is a child being punished for their loss of control by a parent losing control in any way supportable. What punishment does the parent get for losing control - does the other parent have a right to hit them? Afterall losing control is just one of those things.

If your husband hits you - well it was only a momentary loss of control!

sorry but i dont think smacking is loss of control is teaching ur child right from wrong i personally dont smack on a daily basis just if dd is really bad and as for class its nothing to do with class wealthy or poor its a bout disaplin in most cases people who dont agree with smacking dont have kids

e.g my dd consrtantly goes to attack my v blinds pulling them nearly off frame i keep pulling her away trying to distract her attention and focusing on something fun with little success only when i give her a wee smack on arm does she listen i was smacked as a child and personally i really have to think to remember it it has not left any scares physically or emotionally .

SHeena- how is it teaching a child? Genuinely interested. In that case should teachers be smacking as well?
I disagree that most people who disapprove of smacking don't have kids. Where is your evidence for this?

Heaven's soapbox - I suffer from this terrible malady called being human..

It sometimes means that I do things that I am not proud of and irration behaviour..

Should we widen the research to discriminate smackers into those that have blue eyes and those that have brown ... about as much use!!

Nagapie - so to be clear if my DH thumps me - that is okay because he is only being human

Smacking someone is not passive - it is not human - you, somewhere along the line, have either been conditioned to do it, or have chosen to. You can choose not to!

Snort at most people who don't agree with smacking don't have kids - well if that makes you feel better!

as some one who i think fromk my previous post we can aggree was beaten up not just smacked - i feel im sort of qualified to say i still dont think my stepmums evil for it, i still have a great relationship with her and accept she is human and lost her temper, i honestly wouldnt condemn anyone for a tap.

THe question is an interesting one though about people smacking out of frustration. I said earlier I can understand why people do it out of sheer frustration and losing it but on the other hand I would never excuse in the same way a man hitting his partner.

teaching right from wrong . called disapline thats whats wrong with this country kids dont have any and there going off the rails . teachers should have more power to disapline.

Oh soapbox - what an apt nom de plume?? Was sanctimonious cow taken???

My DH would know better!!!

I disagree about child abuse being easily recognised when it's seen. If only it was that simple (I'm not talking about smacking here per se just child abuse in general). SOme of course is very obvious but there are a lot of grey areas.

You say it's not great parenting and most people are doing the best they can. Yes, that's why I don't agree with it as part of a planned method of disciplining.

No one has responded to my points about teachers smacking.