Ex left us for a 16 year old partner

[Itsthelittlethingz]

Hi all

I posted annon a while back about ex leaving us to be in a relationship with a 16 year old.

Well, he is back and the manipulation is in full swing.

I'm so isolated, I've got no one.
At night - my heart physically hurts, my brain literally says 'I'm so lonely, I just need a hug' I wonder every night how I'm going to get through the next day get my kids to their activities, raise them into good people, work and not completely burn out.
I keep pushing people away and feel safer alone.

Anyway back to the point - I guess I feel vulnerable.

The kids dad is back after embarking on a relationship with a 16 year old (he admitted to me they initially met when she was 15 but they've lied to the police)

He says it was the worst mistake of his life. She blackmailed him with threats to the police and to save himself he did not contact us at all.
(I spoke to the girl and she confirmed she did not want him to see the children)

Their relationship was volatile. Constant police involvement. She had mental health problems and he later learned she was in a psyc ward when they met online.

The police were aware of their relationship by the way. I informed them also but it's legal in the uk. (Obviously wrong)
He lived with the girlfriends mum at one point... went on multiple holidays... so it's hard for me to believe it was all black Mail.

Stupidity after him begging and manipulating my mind I let him see our children.
But I seem crazy because I battle between mind and heart.

Mind - how could he abandon the children for not just a woman but for a 16 year old! What was he thinking!!!!
If the relationship would have worked out well... would he even be back???
What if he leaves again it will tear our hearts apart.
What if he is still in contact with her to appease her?

So I pull away and say he can't see them anymore and to go to court. Then he calls me crazy, unstable and sends me abuse and gaslights me.

This situation is too complex for me to navigate, he put us in this situation, I need help with the children sometimes I want to ask but I'm struggling with trusting him again.

He expects me to just forget the past but I feel he's done too much

• the relationship with a child
• the complete abandonment, he even changed his phone number.

I respect his mum as she stayed in contact with the children throughout.

If anyone has any words of advice I really would appreciate it. Thanks

Does anyone know if the family court will look at his police records - like when he was stopped at the airport and interviewed etc.

They work off probability so would this have any impact on the case?

They will look at his record but they will decide if it is deemed a threat to your child or not.

I'm not a lawyer but I work for a family law firm and have been through the family court myself and I would say on balance that they will likely be concerned about it.

Also please do not be afraid of the family court.

You can self represent and you can apply for someone to be with you in court - ask citizens advice how you access this.

Is it you that supervises the visits ?
If so get it through a contact centre .
Why do you speak to or see him ?
Op you are giving him and in!!

No it was all.legal. seriously go to mediation iron it out. One Sunday all day unsupervised and one night for tea. Are you concerned he will sexually abuse your children. End of day he's a twat and what he did was awful but the kids should and will be entitled to see their dad simple. So start with Sundays all day and one night for tea. He cannot and will not be able to drop in as required. A solicitor will give him a bashing for this. But at end of day they will bash you for not allowing access unless you feel he will abuse your children. If you aren't concerned about that then it's all based on emotion not what's best for the kids. Why did they split up

It's that I don't know what he's capable of doing. Now he has done this it makes me question his mental health and moral compass.
He lied to the police.
It's also very impulsive, this child was practically a stranger and he put everything on the line including his children & his criminal record.
Aside from the age, he left our children for over a year because he was in a relationship, that's awful in itself

Also, apparently they split because he finally said told her, he won't be blackmailed anymore and that he's seeing his kids.

He groomed a mentally ill CHILD.
Dont be shocked if social services get involved - he shouldn't be anywhere near your children. Christ almighty