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Original poster

Ex left us for a 16 year old partner

284 replies

Itsthelittlethingz · 16/12/2024 10:36

Hi all

I posted annon a while back about ex leaving us to be in a relationship with a 16 year old.

Well, he is back and the manipulation is in full swing.

I'm so isolated, I've got no one.
At night - my heart physically hurts, my brain literally says 'I'm so lonely, I just need a hug' I wonder every night how I'm going to get through the next day get my kids to their activities, raise them into good people, work and not completely burn out.
I keep pushing people away and feel safer alone.

Anyway back to the point - I guess I feel vulnerable.

The kids dad is back after embarking on a relationship with a 16 year old (he admitted to me they initially met when she was 15 but they've lied to the police)

He says it was the worst mistake of his life. She blackmailed him with threats to the police and to save himself he did not contact us at all.
(I spoke to the girl and she confirmed she did not want him to see the children)

Their relationship was volatile. Constant police involvement. She had mental health problems and he later learned she was in a psyc ward when they met online.

The police were aware of their relationship by the way. I informed them also but it's legal in the uk. (Obviously wrong)
He lived with the girlfriends mum at one point... went on multiple holidays... so it's hard for me to believe it was all black Mail.

Stupidity after him begging and manipulating my mind I let him see our children.
But I seem crazy because I battle between mind and heart.

Mind - how could he abandon the children for not just a woman but for a 16 year old! What was he thinking!!!!
If the relationship would have worked out well... would he even be back???
What if he leaves again it will tear our hearts apart.
What if he is still in contact with her to appease her?

So I pull away and say he can't see them anymore and to go to court. Then he calls me crazy, unstable and sends me abuse and gaslights me.

This situation is too complex for me to navigate, he put us in this situation, I need help with the children sometimes I want to ask but I'm struggling with trusting him again.

He expects me to just forget the past but I feel he's done too much

  • the relationship with a child
  • the complete abandonment, he even changed his phone number.

I respect his mum as she stayed in contact with the children throughout.

If anyone has any words of advice I really would appreciate it. Thanks

OP posts:
WhyDoesDenisNotRhymeWithPenis · 16/12/2024 10:39

What do you mean he's 'back'? You're dating the nonce?
Sadly the kids have a right to a relationship with the scum, but no need for you to be in contact with him, just use a parenting app.

glassof · 16/12/2024 10:39

I get you feel lonely but how can you let him back after having an affair with a child?!

How old is he? How old are your children?

arethereanyleftatall · 16/12/2024 10:39

You need some serious therapy op.

There is only ONE person who is at any fault when a man has a relationship with a child.

The man.

He is a peodophile and a groomer.

The fact that you still want a hug from a person like this is seriously worrying.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

16 year olds Families
ProfTeeCee · 16/12/2024 10:40

Sorry.... how is he suddenly 'back'?

LivingOnTheVeg · 16/12/2024 10:41

A 16-year-old is a child and cannot be a “partner”. You need to see a therapist and he needs to be banned from your home.

HPandthelastwish · 16/12/2024 10:44

His relationship with you and his relationship with the children are two different things.

He picks the children up at the door at a regular time that suits you and returns them to the front door. The only conversation you need to have is if any of them are under the weather and on medication. That's it. He doesn't come in and don't have any deep conversations about anything.

You decouple and compartmentalise your past with him and from now on he is a glorified baby sitter that takes the children out for the day. If he has never done anything to the children then you continue to make them available at regular intervals, you don't use them and stop contact because you are hurt.

You contact CMS and set up a payment scheme to add a middleman into the scenario to take the emotion out of dealing with money.

calmandcollected101 · 16/12/2024 10:44

So because 'he is back' you have just taken him back in?

You need support and to think of the best interest of your children and yourself.

Yankadoodledoo · 16/12/2024 10:45

He’s a nonce and shouldn’t be around your kids.

standardduck · 16/12/2024 10:50

He is back as in you allowed him back in?

That's not healthy or okay.

I think you need to remove yourself from this situation and seek counseling.

Protect your children.

MadeForThis · 16/12/2024 10:50

You need to work on your self respect.

He can be involved in the children's lives without being in a relationship with you.

nocoolnamesleft · 16/12/2024 10:50

Please stop blaming the vulnerable child for the actions of an adult predator.

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 16/12/2024 10:51

He's 32 btw.
No I'm not in a relationship with him.
Just supervised contact. He's asking for unsupervised. He says he wants to visit anytime he wants and be in their life, he shouldn't have to have 'set days'
He also says how they need to be more like it character - calm, introverted etc. where Im 'materialistic and obnoxious' apparently

OP posts:
standardduck · 16/12/2024 10:51

Also, you are putting a lot of blame on a 16 year old mentally ill child, who he used. He sounds like a predator and id not want him around my children.

You really need to get your head a wobble.

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 16/12/2024 10:53

No it's nothing to do with the16 year old I was just saying what he is telling me. I understand it's not the 16 year old at fault.

OP posts:
AlmostFingDone · 16/12/2024 10:53

Go to court, get a set contact schedule agreed. Him drifting in and out of their lives is not good for anyone.

Mrsttcno1 · 16/12/2024 10:55

Go through courts for a contact/access arrangement, get something agreed formally, remove all contact by text/call/email and have everything go through parenting app instead, contact being about the kids only.

Untangle yourself from this web.

rubyslippers · 16/12/2024 10:55

Get a legal arrangement in place for access and financial stuff and don’t speak to him otherwise
he’s a disgusting person

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 16/12/2024 10:59

Kids are 6 and 7.

OP posts:
dottiehens · 16/12/2024 10:59

glassof · 16/12/2024 10:39

I get you feel lonely but how can you let him back after having an affair with a child?!

How old is he? How old are your children?

This! He is a pedo. Just keep your family and you away from this horrible ,en.

Yankadoodledoo · 16/12/2024 11:02

So he wants to turn up whenever he wants. I’d get a non mol on him and refuse contact. Let him apply to the courts.

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 16/12/2024 11:03

When I said I feel lonely I was talking into relation to asking for advice on here and his manipulation, not having support.

I'm not in a relationship with him.

OP posts:
Balloonhearts · 16/12/2024 11:04

You have to allow contact with the children and you have no grounds to insist on supervision. He and the gf swear she was 16 when it started which, while distasteful, is not illegal. So there is no indication he would harm the children. You don't, however, have to let him come whenever. He needs to set days and times and stick to them. If he doesn't like it he can go to court and they will say exactly the same.

He is a disgusting example of a man and you absolutely should not take him back or believe this yarn he is spinning you about blackmail. He's chatting shit.

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 16/12/2024 11:08

Balloonhearts · 16/12/2024 11:04

You have to allow contact with the children and you have no grounds to insist on supervision. He and the gf swear she was 16 when it started which, while distasteful, is not illegal. So there is no indication he would harm the children. You don't, however, have to let him come whenever. He needs to set days and times and stick to them. If he doesn't like it he can go to court and they will say exactly the same.

He is a disgusting example of a man and you absolutely should not take him back or believe this yarn he is spinning you about blackmail. He's chatting shit.

Yes this is exactly what he says he 'did nothing wrong' in eyes of the law.
But I'm so grossed out maybe I'm acting out of emotion rather than logic.

I was doing supervised visits but he wants more.

OP posts:
SavingChristmas24 · 16/12/2024 11:08

Set days are the only option. Do not let him tell you otherwise.

MincePiesAndStilton · 16/12/2024 11:09

Itsthelittlethingz · 16/12/2024 10:51

He's 32 btw.
No I'm not in a relationship with him.
Just supervised contact. He's asking for unsupervised. He says he wants to visit anytime he wants and be in their life, he shouldn't have to have 'set days'
He also says how they need to be more like it character - calm, introverted etc. where Im 'materialistic and obnoxious' apparently

I would absolutely not allow unsupervised access with a nonce. If he has a problem with that, I suggest you tell the police what he told you and take the custody arrangements to court. You do not need this man. You are doing a better job on your own, than you could ever be doing with him. Give yourself a big ol’ hug, recognise how well you are doing and carry on OP 👏🏻

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