OH caught drug driving no idea what to do

[AW525]

We have a 6 month old baby, been together over 4 years, he has today been caught drug driving (first time ever). We are currently living with family members as we are renovating and are due to move in in 2 weeks time - our first family home. Turns out he bought some Cocaine last night, did some at the pub, then drove to where we are living, he didn't tell me any of this at the time. Then this morning went back to the Reno house and did more. Upon driving home he's been pulled over due to poor lights and been tested. He doesn't have a problem generally but he gets sucked in to this due to his friends. As far as I'm aware this is the first time he's done it since baby arrived as we had an argument about his infrequent use when I was pregnant. I'm hurt he did this, I'm hurt he tried hiding it, I'm hurt for my baby, I'm hurt for my family. I want him to leave and stay somewhere else but I'm on maternity leave we are due to move in I just feel so overwhelmed. I'm not sure my reason for this post, I just feel so gutted. X

Leave, before your baby is old enough to miss him.

The problem is, my advice is affected by the illegal element. I would be less inclined to give the benefit of the doubt, or to forgive, or to trust, someone who chose to break the law just to get high. I would be far more inclined to cut my losses and leave them, rather than trust them to stop or believe them when they said they were not addicted. Even if he is an addict now, he was not an addict the first few times he chose to take cocaine, and she hasn’t been allowing herself to see that side of him clearly, because it was inconvenient, so she chose to see it as out of character (but in character for his friends). If she takes a different stance on the relevance of the law, she should ignore any advice I give and most of this thread, but she didn’t appear to have a problem with him going to the pub, it was the cocaine use that bothered her, so I think she probably feels the same way about cocaine use in particular.

I wasn’t expecting so many harsh comments. I came here out of desperation if I’m honest. I have kicked him out to give myself a breather. I now do realise that perhaps I was trying to blame others when actually yeah it was him all along he is in control of his actions. I’m heartbroken, I am very much aware that this is not a weekly thing, and certainly not daily, I do genuinely know that however I do get the sense that there probably are more occasions than I am aware of which just breaks my heart even more and I will never know for sure. Someone said not to rush the move and I think that’s some sound advice and someone said take one step at a time which I am trying. Thank you for those who did write something that was actually amicable and understanding. I would never have imagined this to happen and I certainly am not to blame in this happening but it’s about how I take next steps and what there is out there. He has been in bits since but as I said, I’m very much distant right now.

I think you are doing the right thing, @AW525 - you need time to process your feelings around this, and the long term consequences of his actions, with him out of the way. I would have a phenomenally hard time getting past his choices, but I don’t have a relationship, a baby and a house with him, so it’s easy for me to say. And of course you aren’t in any way to blame for his behaviour (and nor are his friends).

I'm surprised you actually returned to this thread either all the vultures on it!. Take care of yourself and baby OP. Lots of luck x

Well done, good start. Don't let him back any time soon. He needs to prove himself before being allowed to be unsupervised around a vulnerable child.

It's very sad, your happy bubble has popped and it'll never be the same again.
You can't trust him no matter what he says, get rid and don't let him back in.
Whose house is it that you were moving too?
I wouldn't move in and put your child at risk of social services becoming involved.

Alphaalga
Oh another pious pontificator attempting to use the war on drugs as ammunition against one individual about whom they know nothing

What we do know is that he takes cocaine. Something that no one responsible for another life should do.

There is no excuse.

I'm sorry this has happened to you @AW525

I'm astonished that he even thought it was OK to drive after doing coke.

What will happen to him now. Will he lose his licence?

Glad to hear you’re giving yourself time to think @AW525. It was a good first step x

Yeah I actually broke up with someone who said he used to do drugs over ten years ago.

I would’ve been ok if he also said he is now against them , but he didn’t actually condemn drug use and had this attitude of it’s something he did in the past when younger but he doesn’t see it as bad.

Since he still didn’t seem to have any moral objection to it I worried he could easily slip back into doing it one day in the future or if we had kids that took drugs in their teens he would be fine with that.

And it bothered me that he thought it was OK. I have no idea what kind of drugs but I know he wasn’t talking cannabis.

This isn't about moralising, it's about proceeding beyond a bad situation. When did anyone learn from their mistakes by making excuses and who, exactly, is doing so now?

You might want to consider the implications of sanctimony in relation to drug use under that username btw.

Hi OP, are you okay? Sending big hugs and just some kind words of encouragement because some of these posts are a bit harsh towards you.. when it’s not actually you that’s done anything wrong here?? Be strong for you and your baby, you both deserve more from your partner than this. Have you got family support? You 2 need to be his main priority so I hope he gets the help he needs and this is a big wake up call. If not then be rest assured you are all your baby needs❤️ hope you are not too stressed and worried about the future, just take it one day at a time