OH caught drug driving no idea what to do

[AW525]

We have a 6 month old baby, been together over 4 years, he has today been caught drug driving (first time ever). We are currently living with family members as we are renovating and are due to move in in 2 weeks time - our first family home. Turns out he bought some Cocaine last night, did some at the pub, then drove to where we are living, he didn't tell me any of this at the time. Then this morning went back to the Reno house and did more. Upon driving home he's been pulled over due to poor lights and been tested. He doesn't have a problem generally but he gets sucked in to this due to his friends. As far as I'm aware this is the first time he's done it since baby arrived as we had an argument about his infrequent use when I was pregnant. I'm hurt he did this, I'm hurt he tried hiding it, I'm hurt for my baby, I'm hurt for my family. I want him to leave and stay somewhere else but I'm on maternity leave we are due to move in I just feel so overwhelmed. I'm not sure my reason for this post, I just feel so gutted. X

I’m still waiting for you to answer my question. Your question makes no sense, especially given the fact that nobody on this thread has argued that alcoholism is not an addiction.

Alcoholism is an addiction you can fall prey to without breaking the law. It is a particularly serious type of addiction, as it involves physical dependency. Addiction to cocaine is addiction to a substance that can only be acquired and taken through criminal means. There is a whole extra step required to become addicted to something that is prohibited in the first place. Addictive personalities do not have to seek out illegal cocaine habits, they make the choice to. They are therefore just as blameworthy as the non-addictive personalities who make the same criminally stupid choices.

We already have legal gambling, smoking, vaping and drinking. Despite all these things being legal, we also have illegal gambling, cigarettes, vapes and alcohol - organised crime has not been removed from that space, so we have the double whammy of people being legally introduced to things that are addictive, then being more likely to be dragged into the criminal underworld once they are addicted. I understand the arguments for legalising illegal drugs which fuel massive criminal enterprises, but in all honesty, don’t think the law will ever be able to keep up with the criminals simply by trying to legalise everything, however harmful it is to human health. It’s simply untrue this will stop the criminals. Humans taking a bit more individual responsibility would help, though.

It’s the same disease. Alcoholism just names the drug you’re addicted to.

SS probably will do a visit, yes. If there are no red flags elsewhere that will be the end of it.

Hmm, at this stage of my life I wouldn’t want to be with a partner that engaged in recreational drug use, no. When I was younger, however, it wouldn’t have bothered me.

I think we can agree though, OPs partners drug use is not recreational. I have some sympathy for OPs partner it’s not his fault he’s an addict but it is his responsibility to get some help and recover.

Same disease. Different, illegal starting point.

Prioritise your child and get rid. I hope he gets the book thrown at him. Irresponsible twat

I have no sympathy for OP's partner. He deliberately sought out an illegal drug. I'm in a profession, which according to the urban myths peddled by the apologists for "recreational" users, is one which is high pressure and where coke is supposed to be commonplace. In 40 years, living in 3 cities, never come across it. No idea how I would buy it.

I'm not interested in splitting hairs as to whether he's addicted (oh poor thing, it's an illness) or a "recreational user"

Oh another pious pontificator attempting to use the war on drugs as ammunition against one individual about whom they know nothing.

I think your clear ignorance of addiction and the issues OP is facing makes your POV a moot point. I would suggest OP just ignore.

Hardly the key issue here though is it?

I wasn't the one who brought court into it, the Judge my comment was in reply to did.

Pretty sure no one's arguing for this guy's common sense. Mistakes are made, lessons learned. Shame it doesn't happen first time every time, or even most times, but that's life.

It is a key issue, though. I have different views on illegal recreational drug use and legal recreational drug use and object to people dismissing the relevance of the law when it comes to acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. I also have strong views on drink and drug driving and, frankly, have no great sympathy for anyone who does either, whether they are an addict or not.

The OP refers to a partner who has a very relaxed attitude towards breaking the law in several ways. I don’t see why none of that is relevant. Addiction does not excuse endangering the lives of others - and there is no proof the OP’s dp is even addicted, just that he has a track record of selfish, irresponsible, illegal behaviour which has the potential to inflict significant harm on others.

The OP chose to have a baby with a man she knew was a user of coke.

See above.

We have different views. That’s ok, we can agree to disagree.

And none of that is relevant to what the thread is supposed to be about. I think you’ve lost sight of the OP in all the arguing.

We can, indeed.

I’ve not lost sight of the OP. I think you’ve overestimated your ability to help her. As I have already pointed out, all we can help her to accept is that it was not his friends who made him break the law, that he likely has a far more significant habit than he led her to believe, so she can’t trust him to tell the truth, and that he may be an addict. Nobody on this thread can possibly tell her what to do next. She needs real life support from real life people.

Maybe she does need support IRL but she came here so we owe it to her to support as much as we can. You weren’t trying to help her understand the extent of his addiction - that faded away a long time ago and you’ve just been banging on about morality ever since and the difference between legal drug addiction and illegal drug addiction. Just give it a rest.

If someone is using cocaine in the morning alone after a night out on it, they are a significant user. This is nothing to do with being sucked him by his friends, or the intermittency of his use.

It's a big fat issue and it's staring you in the face, minimising it, or to be honest, believing a word out of his mouth while he's minimising it, won't help you or your baby.

Seek out and take professional advice, this isn't going to disappear overnight, and unfortunately there's not much that you can do, it's him that needs to dig himself out, you can't do it for him, don't start trying.

OP, I think you know deep down he's got a much bigger problem with coke than he's admitting and it isn't on his friends "leading him astray". It's expensive, it has a heinous supply route and noone is ever improved by taking it. I would be trying to secure the future for you and your baby with no regard for him, however hard that is to do, even if you lose the house at this point (I'm hoping you're living with your family) If he cares enough to get proper help and stops, you can reevaluate then. If you aren't firm now you will lose much more down the line.

I think there might be rather less sympathy for this man if he were an alcoholic driving drunk. It's the same thing and could have the same consequences.

Put your baby first and show him the door…

im sorry, think of yourself and your chikd first lm i see this repeatedly in my line od work,so trust me wjen i say this is not a first ! .
if he regrets his actions and wants off it, go to a drugs help referal unit. when he tests cleam for a month or so, then have the convo about rebuilding your relationship. until then its a no no
its a downward spiral until he realises the consequemces !!

www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/alcohol-use-disorder

@AW525 posted and disappeared.
Subsequent posters are squabbling off topic. 🤦‍♀️