OH caught drug driving no idea what to do

[AW525]

We have a 6 month old baby, been together over 4 years, he has today been caught drug driving (first time ever). We are currently living with family members as we are renovating and are due to move in in 2 weeks time - our first family home. Turns out he bought some Cocaine last night, did some at the pub, then drove to where we are living, he didn't tell me any of this at the time. Then this morning went back to the Reno house and did more. Upon driving home he's been pulled over due to poor lights and been tested. He doesn't have a problem generally but he gets sucked in to this due to his friends. As far as I'm aware this is the first time he's done it since baby arrived as we had an argument about his infrequent use when I was pregnant. I'm hurt he did this, I'm hurt he tried hiding it, I'm hurt for my baby, I'm hurt for my family. I want him to leave and stay somewhere else but I'm on maternity leave we are due to move in I just feel so overwhelmed. I'm not sure my reason for this post, I just feel so gutted. X

I doubt it because back in the real world OP is navigating a huge upheaval to her life and baby’s life. What she needs to consider is where they will live and where the money to make ends meet is coming from. Food and a roof are more pressing concerns. Adding to her list is not helpful when her head is spinning.

It's a bit of recreational and morning-after follow-up by a guy who's probably stressed-out by a new baby, living with family members and the renovation work, who's also undoubtedly a bit selfish - aren't we all at times?

Oh another cool girl. This is what "recreational " illegal drug use involves.

County lines
Organised Crime and terrorism

The threshold for evidence in court is completely different to the threshold of common sense in everyday life.

As he is both a drug user and a driver, what's the likelihood that he very unluckily happened to get caught drug driving the first time he ever did it vs the likelihood he's done it before and just not got caught?

Such a naive and ignorant POV.

Such a shame that all this performative moral indignation is getting in the way of OP getting the help she came here for.

Explain, please, how breaking the law is the same as not breaking the law.

Whilst alcoholism is no less destructive than any other addiction, we are talking about a man who, we are told, is not addicted and who has chosen to break the law - not just by buying illegal drugs, but also by driving under the influence. He has made plenty of very wrong choices.

The OP can’t get help from an anonymous internet forum, except to help her understand that her dp’s friends did not make him behave the way he did - he made those choices all by himself. She needs to accept he is a liar and can’t be trusted. Whether he “just” made bad choices, or is addicted and she wants to support him through his addiction, or she can’t cope with the lies that go hand in hand with addiction, are things only she can work out - with people close to her and experts on addiction, but not with Mumsnet. To get help on a practical level, she needs to talk to people in real life.

No, it's a choice. Cancer is a disease

I don’t actually agree with that. Both cancer and addiction can be “caused” by our lifestyle choices. Some people can make choices and not suffer consequences from them, and others can make the same choices and end up suffering unfortunate consequences. I do have an issue with a grown adult choosing to take cocaine, though, and therefore little sympathy with any subsequent addiction to it, because it is a choice with plenty of warnings around it which should be enough to put the majority of people off taking the risk.

I agree with others and I don't think his use is as infrequent as he's led you to believe op. It's not his friends fault - it's his. He knew exactly what he was doing, exactly what the risks involved were and exactly how it would affect you and baby if he were caught or worse and he did it anyway.

He's going to have brought social workers into your life and ultimately (which is kind of unfair) it'll be your parenting they're scrutinising as the 'safe' parent. They'll want to see what steps you take to protect your child from their other parent.

Personally op, I think there's certain things that we have to draw a line with and this is one of them. I'd leave him over this and I'd want supervised contact. If he can drive while under the influence then I'd really worry about what else he thinks he can do under the influence while caring for your wee one. I'd never trust him again so better to leave.

Speak to a solicitor, ask him to leave, get your ducks in a row with legal advice and financial advice and get out now. (I've done it myself and it's not easy but it's doable. )

What qualifies you to disagree with the World Health Organisation and the NHS?

Explain to me please, how alcoholic is different to addiction… I’ll wait.

Drug addiction and alcohol addictions are both addictions but accessing alcohol doesn't involve the user propping up a huge, evil, world wide criminal empire.

I do have an issue with a grown adult choosing to take cocaine, though, and therefore little sympathy with any subsequent addiction to it, because it is a choice with plenty of warnings around it which should be enough to put the majority of people off taking the risk

I have no sympathy for a grown adult choosing to use cocaine and subsequently becoming addicted. They have purposely sought out an illegal drug, knowing the criminality involved in its sourcing and distribution. No one can be unaware of the dangers.

But if it did alcoholics would still do it.

Eh? That's completely irrelevant. No idea what point you're trying to make. The OP's partner is supporting organised crime and terrorism and the OP until now doesn't seem to have been all that bothered by it.

Because that’s not her main priority right now. Quite frankly, it seems bizarre to expect her to take that into account when her whole family is in crisis.

The point that I’m trying to make is no one chooses what they are addicted to and plenty of good people have tried drugs and made that mistake.

With respect OP he hasn’t actually changed, he’s just been caught. You already knew he did coke.

Drug use is one of the toxic three when it comes to safeguarding. You need to be able to show social services how you are going to protect your child.

I was actually making the point more to the cool posters who are so blasé about "recreational" use of illegal drugs.

However OP was aware her partner was using illegal drugs, so whilst her main concern should be to remove her child from its criminal parent, she was aware of his criminal behaviour before this incident.

You’re so judgemental, but it is what it is and it’s an open forum where you’re entitled to express your opinion.

Hopefully OP can ignore your posts and just take in the supportive posts of people that have come here to help.

Complain to your MP government creates the problem by not backing legalisation

Well one thing OP should bear in mind is social services will now be involved because of her partner's criminal behaviour. It really is a pity she didn't think of that sooner.

I still don't know what you are trying to achieve by downplaying the illegality. Or are you another of the cool girls who don't have a problem with "recreational " use of illegal drugs?

I have no sympathy at all for the OP's partner.

What do you do? Leave him, obviously. Do you want your child growing up with a dangerous addict?