OH caught drug driving no idea what to do

[AW525]

We have a 6 month old baby, been together over 4 years, he has today been caught drug driving (first time ever). We are currently living with family members as we are renovating and are due to move in in 2 weeks time - our first family home. Turns out he bought some Cocaine last night, did some at the pub, then drove to where we are living, he didn't tell me any of this at the time. Then this morning went back to the Reno house and did more. Upon driving home he's been pulled over due to poor lights and been tested. He doesn't have a problem generally but he gets sucked in to this due to his friends. As far as I'm aware this is the first time he's done it since baby arrived as we had an argument about his infrequent use when I was pregnant. I'm hurt he did this, I'm hurt he tried hiding it, I'm hurt for my baby, I'm hurt for my family. I want him to leave and stay somewhere else but I'm on maternity leave we are due to move in I just feel so overwhelmed. I'm not sure my reason for this post, I just feel so gutted. X

They're not addicted the first time they choose to use. It's a choice the majority never make.

um, ok?

Neither are alcoholics.

@Anotherworrier do you not agree then?

You don't agree that the choice to use drugs in the first place is a choice?

Not the first and won't be the last time he's used it. Your really irresponsible for staying with him when you knew he previously used and now that a baby is in the mix even more so if you stay. He deserves everything he gets thrown at him.

The majority choose to have a first drink. Most don’t go on to get addicted. It’s the same with coke.

Sorry if I gave that impression, no I don’t disagree.

But the vast majority of people also choose to drink alcohol, a liquid drug, in the first place also.

A bad choice for sure, but no one chooses to become an alcoholic or a drug addict.

He doesn't have a problem generally but he gets sucked in to this due to his friends.

This is a problem. He's weak and doesn't take responsibility and just blames his friends. He is capable of saying no. He chooses not to.

Plus this clearly isn't a valid excuse for getting caught on a Saturday morning. It's a Friday night excuse.

He has a problem all of his own. He is prioritising the drugs over the safety of others and the well being - financial, emotional and safety related of you and your child.

Ditch. It won't get better. He needs to recognise he has a problem and whilst you are busy making excuses for him by saying it's his friends fault he won't recognise the problem cos this enables him.

You knew he was a drug addict before you got pregnant so I don't understand why this is a surprise now your child has a drug addict for a father all you can do now is be open and honest with social services who have to pick up the pieces again

Do not hide anything

Where did I say that it wasn't a choice? Or that he's not responsible for his behaviour? I said he's a liar and if he's doing coke alone on a Saturday morning, he's more than just an occasional user. I didn't say he's not responsible for his choices!

Cocaine and cannabis stay in the system for days and you can still test positive three days later. In this case though he took it that morning.

He will need to move out OP as social services will now be involved. If he wants any chance of a family life he will have to agree to regular drug testing.

Is the house in both your names? Do you have a mortgage? He will lose his license so does his job rely on him being able to drive? He wasn’t thinking of his family when he took drugs. You now need to do what is best for you and your child even if that means leaving him as he has shown he doesn’t think of his child or put his family first.

There is still a difference between choosing to take something you are legally allowed to take, and taking something you know to be illegal. There is also a difference between taking something that affects your judgement and then driving, and taking something that affects your judgement and not driving. The man is an irresponsible, selfish tosser on several levels. There really is no point pretending taking illegal drugs is the same as taking legal drugs.

snifffing coke alone on a Saturday morning when you are meant to be doing DIY/house reno is a million miles away from doing it on a Friday night in the pub with your mates after a few drinks…not that I condone either. I think he has a much bigger problem than you think OP. I’d be thinking of separating tbh.

OP you are in a really difficult situation. Take it one step at a time - do you want him around you right now or do you need space to think? You are well within your rights to ask him to find somewhere else to stay for few nights.

The house move can wait and happen on your terms. Don’t be rushed into anything.

He won’t be able to drive for at least a year. How does that fit in with his job and what you need in terms of getting the baby out and about?

If convicted, he may need to tell his employer and that could impact on his employment. He needs legal advice. Can he even get to work without his car?

We weren’t discussing the legality of a substance. We were discussing the choice aspect of addiction.

Op what’s your logic to saying it’s his friends leading him astray and he’s not got a problem. When the dude was at the house on his own snorting coke in the morning? Were his mates there making him do it? As if not, the man has a problem.

It isnt logic, it is emotion.

@AW525 no sympathy! you knew he used drugs yet you allowed yourself to get pregnant with him!!

He's doing coke on his own on a Saturday morning? He's an addict op.

Where does the OP live? I got the impression she was in the US from the writing and the Reno house, f that's the case then any legal advice from the UK is pointless.

Do you know something we don’t? Op never mentioned him being a drug addict before she was pregnant 🙄 do you feel good now for going out of your way to make her feel even worse? She is a mum with a young baby have a bit of compassion

Honestly, whatever happened to ‘be kind’?

OP never mentioned knowing anything about drugs prior to being pregnant.

A little compassion in life goes a long way.

Four pages of people piling on. It's no surprise the OP hasn't come back to this thread, she's probably now feeling even more overwhelmed and hurt. Whatever happened to support for parents? It's not her who's the coke user.

As already pointed out, when it comes to choice, choosing something legal and choosing something illegal are different things. Nobody has a good excuse for choosing to take illegal drugs.

Such heart warming and encouraging words.