OH caught drug driving no idea what to do

[AW525]

We have a 6 month old baby, been together over 4 years, he has today been caught drug driving (first time ever). We are currently living with family members as we are renovating and are due to move in in 2 weeks time - our first family home. Turns out he bought some Cocaine last night, did some at the pub, then drove to where we are living, he didn't tell me any of this at the time. Then this morning went back to the Reno house and did more. Upon driving home he's been pulled over due to poor lights and been tested. He doesn't have a problem generally but he gets sucked in to this due to his friends. As far as I'm aware this is the first time he's done it since baby arrived as we had an argument about his infrequent use when I was pregnant. I'm hurt he did this, I'm hurt he tried hiding it, I'm hurt for my baby, I'm hurt for my family. I want him to leave and stay somewhere else but I'm on maternity leave we are due to move in I just feel so overwhelmed. I'm not sure my reason for this post, I just feel so gutted. X

He doesn’t get sucked in by his friends - were his friends at the new house this morning egging him on? He’s an addict.

It's about getting your ducks in a row. Please take a deep breath, allow the reno to complete and move in, and then have a serious conversation with him that he seeks help within 24 hours or leaves immediately.

I wouldn’t even consider a relationship with someone who takes coke. No chance! And to drive with it in his system is unforgivable too! If that was my DH, he’d be out the door!

It's the truth. His behaviour hasn't changed. He uses drugs

so now you need to get your ducks in a row -
are you married
is the new house mortgaged
whose name is the mortgage in
can you afford the mortgage on your own
would you need to return to work now to do so
what childcare would you need to do so
whose family are you living with ?
as if it is his family they will probably support him - they may even play down his drug addiction...

He's got a bigger coke problem than he's letting on

Hope you are okay OP I have been in a similar situation and it’s awful. Ignore the horrible comments as if it’s your fault and you should have known it would happen there’s some nasty mouths on here who can’t help themselves.

I definitely think there is more to it than just an odd occasion if he’s doing it on a morning without being in a social/drinking situation, just bear in mind if he has got a problem he will likely be lying about it, if you are able to id be checking through the bank accounts you will know if he has a big problem from those alone.

hope you’re okay

That’s so offensive. Addiction is a disease.

I'm sorry OP, what a nightmare for you 😔 if it were me, I'd be seriously thinking about separation. He's lied to you and his cocaine use sounds like more than the occasional.

It's really bad if he's doing coke in the morning, just like getting drunk in the morning. Don.t know what you should do but it's a wake up call he's not 'sober' most of the time.

Sorry OP. :(

I can only give my perspective. But he would have to go.

1. He drove with drugs in his system and broke the law.
2. Friday night and again in the morning to me indicates a problem ..I'd raise an eyebrow if someone followed up a morning hangover with hair of the dog.
3. In your baby's new home alone sniffing coke..
4. He has a 6 month baby..its not portraying stable and responsible decision making..I couldn't trust someone with my baby with that sort of decision making, recklessness and disregard for the law especially considering what's at stake.

It does indicate that you probably just don't know the other times he has done it.
Hopefully this is the wake up call he needs to sort himself out.

It is but unfortunately it's true.

Hopefully the foolish coke heads job doesn't involve driving.

He doesn't have a problem generally but he gets sucked in to this due to his friends

I’m so sorry but you need to wise up and be honest with yourself about the reality of the situation. I would suggest he finds somewhere else to live for a while as you work through things as a couple.

Oh god, I’m so sorry. I’ve been in a similar situation and it was the lies around his addiction (underplaying use, saying he hadn’t used when he had- like in the morning, lies about what it was costing) that eroded my trust. It’s not your fault and he will only stop if he really, really wants to. He’s demonstrated that it’s affected his judgement and one might argue his morals. I hope for his sake this is a wake up call and he stops lying to himself, and you

Penalties for drug driving
If you’re convicted of drug driving you may get:

• a minimum 1 year driving ban
• an unlimited fine
• up to 6 months in prison
• a criminal record

Your driving licence will also show you’ve been convicted for drug driving. This will last for 11 years. The maximum penalty for causing death by careless driving under the influence of drugs is life imprisonment. Other problems you could face A conviction for drug driving also means:

• your car insurance costs will increase significantly
• if you drive for work, your employer will see your conviction on your licence
• you may have trouble travelling to countries like the USA

You poor thing. This is the last thing you needed when you have a 6 month old baby and you’re supposed to be moving into your first home together. Thankfully, he’s not hurt and neither is anyone else. Driving with drugs in your system is as irresponsible as drunk driving. The outcome could’ve been a lot worse.

I think it’s understandable that you’re upset. Not only is he using and lying about it he’s also taking chances with his life and his freedom when you and your baby really need him. What if an accident had happened when he had drugs in his system? What are you supposed to do if he ends up in hospital or prison for six months? He needs to start acting like a responsible adult.

Another druggie loser. Dump him BEFORE you have any kids with him else you'll end up as a single mum.

a — how is that helpful?
b — she was already pregnant…

To blame his friends is minimising. He needs to seek professional help and stay away from you and his child until he gets it.

It’s there in the first line of the OP! They have a 6 month old baby together.

OP how has he been since? Did he confess all to you? Is he remorseful? Does he want external help? You may get more supportive advice on the addiction topic.

You have a baby and can not have an addict around them op. Or even a recreational drug user.

sorry but this may be true of an eventual full blown addiction but in the early days those behaviours are choices not a disease. His path wasn’t written for him, he chose to start using drugs and he chose to continue. He’s responsible for his behaviour.

Agree couldn’t be more of a problem

Argh sorry meant to quote this post

This made me cry. My brother has been a heroin addict for 29 long fucking years. He is not and never will be a loser. He is traumatised, self soothes with drugs and is not a loser. While ever there is hope and people show kindness to this devastating disease he is not a loser. Sorry but this choked me up