OH caught drug driving no idea what to do

[AW525]

We have a 6 month old baby, been together over 4 years, he has today been caught drug driving (first time ever). We are currently living with family members as we are renovating and are due to move in in 2 weeks time - our first family home. Turns out he bought some Cocaine last night, did some at the pub, then drove to where we are living, he didn't tell me any of this at the time. Then this morning went back to the Reno house and did more. Upon driving home he's been pulled over due to poor lights and been tested. He doesn't have a problem generally but he gets sucked in to this due to his friends. As far as I'm aware this is the first time he's done it since baby arrived as we had an argument about his infrequent use when I was pregnant. I'm hurt he did this, I'm hurt he tried hiding it, I'm hurt for my baby, I'm hurt for my family. I want him to leave and stay somewhere else but I'm on maternity leave we are due to move in I just feel so overwhelmed. I'm not sure my reason for this post, I just feel so gutted. X

I'd take my baby as far away as possible from him and not let him have unsupervised access or drive her again.

Not your problem, I hope he gets hammered for it. I would seriously consider leaving him and never leave your kids with him.

Don't get sucked by the 'friends pulling me in' argument. Alcoholics often cite this pretext when whining it was their boozy friends that induced them to drink. No difference with any other substance abuse. GIving up a habit means re calibrating one's social circle.

You've got a person here who prioritizes their habit over parenthood. Your way forward should be crystal clear.

Search for his stash before the baby finds it.

I love how mumsnetters DHs are so unlucky. First time ever drug driving and he gets caught ....

I can't believe you had a baby with this man..

Glad he got caught, I'm fucking sick of dangerous idiots on the roads!

Funny, I've never caught an addiction to class As 🙄

You can feel sorry for people self medicating because of trauma but it does not mean you have to have them in your lives. I had an alcoholic stepfather and was pleased when he died. My Mother chose to stay with him, I never forgave her for that.

https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/what-we-do/our-work/child-criminal-exploitation-and-county-lines

This is what your DH is supporting indirectly.

I’m very sorry this is happening to you, what with your new baby and all.

However, I really hope you can understand that your husband’s friends are not the issue here, but your husband’s drug addiction is.

What are you trying to achieve?

OP doesn’t condone her partner’s behaviour and isn’t responsible for it. She doesn’t need a guilt trip or a lesson on the drug trade.

Rotten!!! Hardly a good role model Father.

The OP said He doesn't have a problem generally but he gets sucked in to this due to his friends.

It's clear she knew about his drug use. She might not positively condone it but she stuck with him so perhaps she does need this lesson.

You leave him... forever.
Last year, my friend's beautiful child got killed by a reckless driver.

Nice to see the usual experts out in force. A few sentences from someone other than the guy himself is all they need to brand him an addict.

It's a bit of recreational and morning-after follow-up by a guy who's probably stressed-out by a new baby, living with family members and the renovation work, who's also undoubtedly a bit selfish - aren't we all at times?

Some people could do with taking a step back and a good long look at themselves instead of opportunistically venting through other people's problems.

The guy's been a fool and will know it himself, but he also has a family and a home to move into.

Sorry you're having to go through this on top of everything else OP but hang in there, he's had a wake-up call and now needs a chance to come right.

140 posts and OP hasn't been back. Clockwork.

Harsh but fair. She knew he was a drug user.
It may be his first time caught driving under the influence of drugs but you can bet it isn't the first time he has done it.

She knew he was a drug user. I am not sure what she really wants from this post. Someone has explained how long he is likely to be banned from driving for if that is what she wanted to know. Yes it will be a pain for her to have to ferry him around especially when she has a young baby and is doing a house renovation but she was fully aware she was in a partnership with a drug user.

A bit of recreational and morning follow up! Hmm I wonder how that would go down in court this time and even worse if someone tried that line if they killed someone whilst driving under the influence of drugs.

And I wonder how this line of pure conjecture would go down in court as evidence:

It may be his first time caught driving under the influence of drugs but you can bet it isn't the first time he has done it.

Geez, I am sooo stressed: new baby and living with in-laws while our house is being reno'd. I'm gonna go down the pub with my mates, maybe have a couple pints and do some blow. You know, typical new dad stuff.

Can you point me to the post where she knew he was doing coke BEFORE she fell pregnant??

There are some truly horrible judgemental and spiteful people on this forum. This young mum has come on here for some advice and support and no wonder she’s disappeared. Yes she’s probably believed that the drug usage has been minimal as that’s what he’s fed her and of course she’s wanted to believe that rather than the father of her child and the man that she loves has an awful addiction. But she doesn’t deserve to be attacked on here.

sorry OP that you’re going through this (if you’re still bothering to read these comments I know I wouldn’t be) but you’ve got some tough decisions to make. Either he admits his problem and gets proper help and support with his addiction and you support him with this, although I recommend you not living together whilst this is going on, or you separate completely. He has an addiction and it needs addressing immediately. It is more common than most of these posters can imagine and can be overcome with the right help but only if he recognises and admits the problem. I know people that have had horrendous issues with drugs and alcohol in the past but have overcome their addictions and have become the most supportive, insightful and caring people I have known 💐

The point I was making was that it was an addiction. Regardless of substance.

Feel free to educate me as to how drug addicts should be treated in comparison to alcoholics as clearly I don't understand.

We've had a lot of those this week. I've got to the stage where I check this for trolls. This one slipped past me.

No, it’s not stupid. Alcohol has never been illegal in the UK for a start. And even if something was once illegal, but now isn’t, there is still a massive difference between choosing to break the law and choosing not to.

Regardless, if the OP exists and this is a real scenario, she needs to accept that her dp chose to take the actions he did - he can’t blame friends for this and, if he claims not to be addicted and only an occasional user, he can’t blame addiction in any event. He chose to buy and take illegal drugs. He chose to drug drive. That’s three poor choices.