“Shut up”

[Whywouldyousaythat88]

Today at a self check out, my 4 year old was crying to me over typical kid stuff when the woman at the self check out next to me said “oh shut up, child” loud enough that both myself and my child heard her.

How would you have reacted?

I think there's probably a Goldilocks Zone on this one

Oh give over. 4 year olds cry, even if you bring them up perfectly they can still be annoying at times.

She was in the wrong but you can't control her only yourself

Your job in that situation is to de-escalate and reassure the children that they're ok and safe so that both of your children feel safe (and are kept safe - someone like her might get more aggressive or even violent)

I'd probably had said "what a rude thing to say", speaking to my child to try and explain the situation to him loud enough for the rude woman tohear. In fact, I've done this in similar ocasions and it works: the rude person shuts up and I turn an uncomfortable moment into a teaching experience for my dc.

I’m not making excuses, I’m giving possible reasons for her behaviour.

I know that there’s a lot of people/parents out there who think that the rest of world should shut up and bow down to children and put up with their behaviour in public places, regardless of the noise or disruption, but not everybody is going to tow that line.

If you have a child and they cry or kick off in a shop, there’s a chance that at least one of the surrounding shoppers aren’t going to be child-friendly or understanding, for whatever reason.

The OP was obviously annoyed and wants people to agree with her. Shes entitled to feel annoyed at the lady, just as the lady was entitled to feel annoyed at having to listen to a crying child.

@Imjustlikeyou Yes. Two. They’ve done plenty of public crying and shouting, one especially.

I didn’t say shushing the child would always work but I do think it’s important to try.

Saying shut up to the child is not acceptable of course.

This made me laugh! 😀😀

OP - I'm with you and I also would have called her out. She sounds like an utter dickhead. Think it - don't say it. She said it and you went for her, and that's fair enough in my eyes!

I'd be quite grateful and hope it had an effect on said child.Make them realise their actions on others.Personally i don't think it is normal for a 4 year old to be carrying on like that. 2 year old maybe but not 4.

I might have asked her if she realised she had spoken out loud, because I imagine she meant to say it in her head.

2 year old maybe?

Often the case, if a stranger tell a child off or to be quiet, it stops a tantrum in its tracks and brings kid up short.
Of course that is all undone if the parent basically encourages the child to keep going.

Same. Banking it for next time 😁

Well, had he suffered a recent bereavement? No!

I'd definitely say something but honestly I don't know what. But I wouldn't leave it without some sort of a response. This is not a civilised way of talking to anybody so I would want to make sure that my son knew that.

Threads like this are the reason I think coming off Mumsnet is the only way forward for someone with anxiety at the moment. There's just no way I could handle trying to parent and being confronted with situations like this in public. I think you did the right thing. Shut up is always no matter the context a rude thing to say. Whatever happened to basic manners. Far better for her to have said "you are making too much noise".

Exactly.

Perhaps.

I should add this encounter was very brief. We had 4 items to scan, which is a quick task. She said it almost immediately upon hearing him.

It’s interesting that we have so much consideration for the elderly generation, but according to this thread the same is not true for the younger.

Can’t imagine telling Nan in her wheelchair to hurry the F up because I’m having a bad day and am late for work! Or getting out and having a go at the countless pensioners taking years to park or reverse in the car parks, holding everyone up.

I would do the passive aggressive "I'm sorry, did you mean for my child to hear you being so vile to him? Perhaps you didn't realise you said it out loud?"

She's a grown woman and should be in control of what comes out her gob.

Pathetic

PP's saying the person who was rude wouldn't know if a screaming child had hearing difficulties / recent bereavement / anything that may make them a bit more emotional, isn't that why we should all just try to think before we speak? Or just be kind - I know the "be kind" thing is so over done that is a bit of a cliche now, but I wouldn't dream of saying anything in this situation. Any parent in a public place having a kid screaming or shouting is not having a good time. If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all.

I agree with this. OP is acting like the woman committed some awful crime.

Children whingeing in public is annoying, nobody enjoys hearing it. If a child is injured I'd of course have every sympathy. I'd never voice my annoyance out loud, but I certainly think shut up at children making a racket. Mind you id have let them go round the shop once and then left with them.

But granny is not making a foul noise is she?
And if she is slow you can use another till. This woman could not escape your child’s hollering (which you were doing nothing about).

That’s right.

I teach my kids that it is perfectly healthy and natural to cry when you are sad. I find it incredibly sad that you consider an upset child to be a “foul noise.” Sobbing children actually makes me really feel for them.