“Shut up”

[Whywouldyousaythat88]

Today at a self check out, my 4 year old was crying to me over typical kid stuff when the woman at the self check out next to me said “oh shut up, child” loud enough that both myself and my child heard her.

How would you have reacted?

You wonder don’t you why children nowadays have so little resilience and poor emotional regulation.

But it does matter. I choose to validate my kids feelings. He was understandably upset
because he'd trailed round a shop 3 times and found nothing to buy?
I'm sorry but you sound more ridiculous with every post.
Taught to cry when sad etc, I'd be ffs/ shut up under my breath.

Always feel desperately sorry for kids sobbing in supermarkets and the mum ignoring or being nasty to child. Surely you could have helped your son chose, or said never mind, let's find a better shop? Teach him how to cope.

The lady shouldn't have said anything - I wouldn't because your son was already distressed and you weren't handling it - because he wasn't calming down. Also its down to you to be kind and help your son learn how to manage, so telling him to shut up is not helpful from anyone.

You shouldn't have said anything either. Why make things worse?
Also, she could have been chatting on her hands free mobile with ear buds. Why assume its you she is talking to?

If he noticed then he is old enough to understand that he was causing a scene. A four year old should be aware of others and it is clear he is. Use this as an example to teach him to be considerate of other people and that not everyone wants to hear his dramatics. But .. are you aware of others? Have you considered that it probably wasn't just the lady at the till he was pissing off?
Take the opportunity to explain to him that not everyone will be as sympathetic as you.

Nothing

Years ago, a man in a queue to use an ATM told my poorly, crying child to shut up which only made them cry more. I'd had no sleep for days due to my child being ill and probably looked upset and shocked at his comment, but I was so shattered that I couldn't think of anything to say and concentrated on comforting my child.

A woman behind me told the arsehole that my child was still learning to control their emotions as they were only little and asked him what his excuse was as he was about 60. 😅 He just stared at her in disbelief. She told him to try being less miserable as he'd be a lonely old man some day with his attitude. Another woman called him a miserable bastard 😂 and her husband gave my child some sweets.

I wish I'd have said something myself but I was so thankful for the people that stood up for me and were kind. The arsehole looked embarrassed to be called out.

I used to see him occasionally shopping with his wife and he was always shouting at her so he was clearly just a nasty bastard.

Don't let it bother you, normal people don't tell little kids to shut up. Have your answer ready should if ever happen again.

Hope your little one is ok and he finds something lovely to spend his pocket money on. 💐

@Icedlatteofdreams

Oh give over yourself.

then you either comfort them or tell them to pack it in. You don't just let them carry on annoying those around you.

Maybe if you did tell your child to shut up, they wouldn't have been crying loudly.

Also your kid was probably having a bad day because their ice cream was too cold and the woman was probably having a bad day because of a real reason.

…… do you have kids? 😂

Disturbing.

Scary that you’re posting on a parenting forum. With that attitude, hopefully not because you actually have kids (yikes!!!!) and more just because it popped up for you.

I once read that if you are on a plane with a crying child, other passengers are much more forgiving if they can see you trying to distract or calm the child down (even if it’s not actually working! They have sympathy for you)

were you trying to quieten the child?

What is wrong with everyone! I wouldn't allow anyone to tell my child to shut up, how rude

Yes

Yes, things like dementia can greatly affect mental health.

I don't think anyone did tell the child to shut up? More muttered under their breath a little louder than intended. An escaped thought perhaps! Not great either but not nearly as bad as telling a child to shut up to their face.

I would complain!

I have never told any of my four to 'shut up' it's so, so rude. I pulled my eldest up one time for saying it to his brother and he never said it again. Not acceptable.

OP you handled it well.

Honestly I would ignore. She probably didn't mean to say it out loud, and could have a million things going on in her life.

Being screamed on by someone else’s brat isn’t nice. Did you tell him to turn down the volume?

Supermarket workers loathe it, incidentally - they’re the collateral damage for That Child.

You are that parent Op. You didn't deal with the situation as your child was still upset and you carried on with what you needed to do regardless. How long had they been upset? How long had everyone else had to listen to them crying?

It's highly annoying when kids are making a racket in supermarkets. She might've been experiencing sensory overload. Is it necessary to take a 4 year old to do the food shop?

Sounds like she needs a new job.

I doubt your son was the real reason and more likely the catalyst after a bad day. But no excuse to be rude imo - why work in a customer facing job if you can't hack it.

Is this really a thing now, leaving kids to cry to validate their feelings? What’s wrong with shushing them?

Tbh I think you're a bit unreasonable.

In your post, it's all about your child and his feelings. He's allowed to cry and scream and tantrum, but the other people round about him aren't allowed to express their (understandable) irritation at his behaviour and how it impacts them.

If it's 'perfectly healthy and natural' for kids to cry and cause disturbance when they are sad, then it must also be 'perfectly natural' for others to express their own upset at this. They should be allowed to express their own feelings too, right? You could say that lady was just expressing her feelings.

In reality, we all have to behave with consideration and respect towards each other in public places. She wasn't considerate, but neither were you. You should have been taking steps to minimise the disturbance your child was causing.

I would not have commented 'shut up' to your child, but if confronted with a screaming child with a parent who was taking no steps to control their behaviour, I might well have made an irritated comment of some sort.

Next time your child has a tantrum in a shop, I suggest that instead of 'validating his feelings', you say to him "Right, you have to stop behaving like this. It's ok to be upset, but it's not ok to carry on like this and disturb everyone else. Do you see anyone else behaving like this? If you carry on, we will be leaving right now."

Maybe see how that works for you?

Absolutely not.

As I’ve said a few times, it wasn’t a tantrum and he wasn’t screaming. She was subjected to crying for less than a minute as I scanned four items at a self check out. It made no sense to stop what I was doing, hold up the people waiting to use said till, and try to stop an upset child from expressing their upset.

He was sobbing, next to me. She could hear him because she was also directly next to me. She was rude and some would even say verbally abusive.

Had it been an actual tantrum, I’d have dealt with it differently. Which by the way has happened once in his life, when he was much younger. And as I dealt with it, an elderly lady come up and tell me that “oh love, we’ve all been there.”

I don’t give a hoot if this woman was having a bad day. I have MANY bad days and I have never behaved that way.

Children have every right to be there too. And to the person asking if I really had to take my 4 year old with me, are you for real!?