“Shut up”

[Whywouldyousaythat88]

Today at a self check out, my 4 year old was crying to me over typical kid stuff when the woman at the self check out next to me said “oh shut up, child” loud enough that both myself and my child heard her.

How would you have reacted?

What I would say about gentle parenting is that by 11 secondary school will be a brutal place.

Much worse than this woman.

He will learn this from others at school soon enough.

How could four not be an appropriate age? Plenty of four year olds are in school.

He will learn this from others at school soon enough.

Yes. I can think of a few children in my DC’s school who cried readily at any minor frustration. (This was both boys and girls). They were regarded by the other kids as very annoying.

Depression and suicide often involve significant childhood trauma and/or hereditary mental illness. It does not happen because of being told off about kicking off in the shops when you don't get what you want.

That's a deliberate misreading of what I wrote. Men are taught as boys to conceal their feelings and not cry, so those feelings end up being repressed and manifesting as suicidality and other forms of violence. Women are more likely to seek help with depression because we aren't usually trained to suppress feelings in this way.

I've written already about how being punished for crying has had lifelong adverse effects on my mental health.

Nobody is suggesting that he should be either punished for crying or treated differently because he’s a boy, @MaidOfAle
You’re projecting wildly, perhaps understandably.

And how exactly do you know these children were “gentle parented?” Did they tell you that? Did their parents?

I suspect everyone is making wild assumptions.

What you all seem to be thinking of is permissive parenting, which is not the same. My child doesn’t get away with whatever he wants, we have boundaries and they are clear, but when he crosses them then we deal with it gently.

How rude.

They’re not projecting at all. What they’ve said makes perfect sense, it just doesn’t suit your narrative.

How on earth did you manage to go round a supermarket three times and not find anything for him g to buy?

Seems a bit ridiculous.

Easily solved by mum.

Sweets. A little toy.

Not hard at all.

I thought that too .

Well not sure how this situation came to be worth crying over.

I would have thought it was solvable.

Sounds like he's not happy if he's crying in public about that.

I’d have been angry but just got on with it. I understand this is seen as being passive but I’d have made myself angrier if I confronted this person. The world is full of all kinds of people and when you encounter a miserable one, just remember there are kind people out there also.

Because he wants to spend his money on something he really wanted. A supermarket can be overwhelming for a little person!

It's about boundaries and choices then.

I didn’t say anything about gentle parenting or any other kind of parenting.

I’m just talking about kids who cry regularly. You don’t seem to see any downsides in letting him cry over small disappointments. I’m pointing out that there are some. So there may be some benefit (to him) in teaching him how to stop himself crying and use words instead.

Wow. Absolutely shocking response!

Repeat after me - it is OK to cry.

🤷‍♀️ You do you. Good luck to your kid.

A supermarket can be overwhelming for a little person!

It's overwhelming for this particular big person too.

So there may be some benefit (to him) in teaching him how to stop himself crying

Please, do tell us the secret to this trick, because I'm in my forties and I can't do it.

Would you cry because you couldn’t find what you wanted in a shop, or for other minor disappointments ? If not, then you have learned the trick already. Perhaps your parents taught you.

That depends on how you define "minor". It also depends on what else has gone wrong for me that day/week/month/year.

Not finding what you want whilst shopping can be a big deal. I went to the supermarket during lockdown to find that all the gluten-free bread and pasta was sold out. You can bet your ass I cried then. Unlike most other people, I can't get pasta and bread from the corner shop because small places don't stock gluten-free anything.

I've also had sensory overloads and panic attacks in the supermarket because it's too loud and too bright and there's too many people. Add to that the management inexplicably moving the cat food to a different aisle since I was last there, and yes, tears again.

Many years ago, my grandfather had died a couple of days before I was due to play a carol concert. I burst into tears because I couldn't find a parking space at the venue, but let's be honest, having to plaster on the "stage smile" and play happy Christmas tunes so soon after a bereavement contributed more to my distress that day than having to park two streets away did. As I said, it depends on what else has gone wrong...

I think it’s unreasonable for anyone to think it’s not normal for a child to have a tantrum in public! It happens and so what if it’s over haribo or whatever. It’s going to be about 30 seconds of their day so really no reason to be so unkind.

To guide them/teach them is fine but they will still do it, kids are emotional and it’s also normal for children to be at a supermarket.