“Shut up”

[Whywouldyousaythat88]

Today at a self check out, my 4 year old was crying to me over typical kid stuff when the woman at the self check out next to me said “oh shut up, child” loud enough that both myself and my child heard her.

How would you have reacted?

so why did you make the shitty ageist comment in the first place?

The post was regarding old people. Did you miss the "some" in my post? Some old people are just plain old rude. Mental health is an excuse.

I doubt it because she obviously doesn't have any manners so probably didn't pass any on to her children.

It's not even like a crying child in a cafe or restaurant where people are trying to have a meal and relax. It was at a supermarket check out. She and the OP would only be there for a few minutes. What would be the point of being mean to a small child and its mother?

You'd be grateful for a rude woman shouting at your child? I don't believe you.

A child kicking your seat on a plane is misbehaving and it is OK to ask him to stop.

OP's child wasn't doing anything to the woman who told him to shut up. OP was scanning 4 items and would be out of there in a couple of minutes. A crying child in the vicinity that you are not responsible for and don't need to do anything about is hardly going to ruin someone's day.

No she didn't.

What real world impact and consequences does a child crying at a supermarket check out for a couple of minutes have? Absolutely none.

Also, scolding a crying child often has the opposite effect to the desired one of getting the child to shut up. The child will often just cry louder. The OP was doing the sensible thing of hurrying up scanning her 4 items to get out of there as quickly as possible.

This thread is full of posters proving the opposite: that the child is expected to be perfect and excuses are made for the adults.

Hi, diagnosed autistic here.

My mother would shout at me to stop crying. My teachers made me stand in the corridor if I cried at school. I couldn't stop crying, no matter how hard I tried, and would be sent to stand outside again. Trips out curtailed because I couldn't stop crying when ordered to.

It taught me so many great tools for self-regulation, like:

• suppressing the emotion until I couldn't any longer and exploded at people.
• self-harming as a self-regulation tool.
• sarcasm because no one taught me a reasonable way to express my feelings.
• throwing crockery and punching holes in doors.
• mimicking my mother's habit of shouting at people.

I've ended up in disciplinary proceedings because my self-regulation is so great, all thanks to the great work my mother and teachers did to try to stop me from crying. I've attempted suicide, several times. And I'm now no-contact with my mother, for this and several other reasons.

They should have just let me cry and recover in my own time. It would have done less damage.

Also, scolding a crying child often has the opposite effect to the desired one of getting the child to shut up. The child will often just cry louder.

Of course it will. You've added fear of parental retaliation to whatever it was that had the child crying in the first place. The child now feels worse, of course they will cry more. It's self-evident.

Getting the child out as fast as possible is a legitimate option when "making the barest minimum attempt at parenting".

suppressing the emotion until I couldn't any longer and exploded at people.

And that's before even considering all the other emotions that got suppressed as collateral damage. Like the sense of danger I suppressed about my rapist.

Every one of every age can be Plain old rude !!

Well yeah hence why I said some and this thread was about old people. 🙄 Please read. Ironically I also have had an old lady come up to my toddler in her high chair and tell her to shut up (she was squealing or anything) a few years ago.

But she didn’t shout at him. She didn’t shout at the OP. She didn’t shout at all, nor did she address them. The OP was clear on that.

She audibly said “Shut up, child” while standing at a nearby till.

She was not polite. Nor was the OP who kicked off about it. Nor was the 4 year old having a whinge.

So it's only your child who's allowed to have feelings. Right.

a 4 year old wasn’t “polite” because they were crying? I’ve heard it all now 😂

What would that gain? Op knows perfectly well what she said.
This is as almost as dumb as the oft advised “Did you mean to be so rude?”

I think the OP was fully entitled to kick off. The child sounds like a normal four year old who is obviously very disappointed. He isn't being unpolite. It is bloody weird on here.

She was rude. I would have been very tempted to mutter 'fuck off' to her.

Kids get upset. Tough shit if it's annoying; you go out in public, be prepared for the general public to be there.

Adults can be equally annoying, I bet she wouldn't have told a loud gobshite bloke to 'shut up' if he'd been stood next to her instead of your son.

Isn’t it just.

Some of these read like my miserable 94 year old nan. No surprise she’s in a care home as nobody wants her at theirs due to how bloody horrid she is.

Well of course only SOME are rude as are SOME young are rude . I’ve seen a young person give an old person the finger for walking too slow . We don’t know how old this woman was in the shop, so no, this thread wasn’t about old people until ageist glees somehow enter it as such.

Well. As it goes, she wasn’t young. Probably mid 60’s.

We moved into a new house. My girls were 6 and 7. The next day we were putting things away etc. The girls were sitting in the garden, applying sun cream and chatting, and our neighbour opened her window and shouted to them to "shut up". It wasn't even that early but apparently she was having a lie in. This was a street of London Edwardian houses, all crammed in together, with small gardens - imo you have to accept you aren't going to have peace and quiet.

This was only the beginning - i cant tell you how unreasonable and petty she was. Once one the girls said "i love you" to her sister and she shouted back "oh do shutbup". We moved a few years later to get away from her.

Some people are just angry. This woman was roundly disliked in the street - we just had the misfortune to live next door.

Agreed.

It's not dumb. The purpose it would serve is to confront rude and aggressive behaviour.

People on this board seem determined to start a fight. Mumsnet is so weird at times