Does my DD need to know how to wipe her bum if she does a poo before starting school?

[RedRobyn2021]

DD is 3.5 and we are looking at starting her in reception the term after she turns 4, she won't be going full time but it to help make the transition easier when she goes full time September next year.

I saw a parent on fb group I'm in saying their just turned 4yo (turned 4 in August) is coming home without their bum wiped properly after a poo because they're being left to do it themselves at school.

I am panicking now

My daughter has even potty trained for 1.5 years and will do all her wees in the toilet but will only poo in her potty. I didn't think this was the end of the world but when i saw this I realised I've never taught her how to wipe her bum (she's fine with wees)

Please can a teacher or parent who knows better advise me what's the norm? I'm quite worried now

Of course! Toilet training means your DC being able to use a toilet and wipe their own bottom. No teacher is going to be in the loos wiping bums!

Time to teach her to wipe.

Obviously OP

Realistically, I don’t think most children can do it very successfully before they start school. It’s not easy to reach still at that age. By all means, teach her, but don’t think she is behind if she can’t do it. She’s still very little. Generally, they just don’t go at school, just like most adults don’t routinely poo at work.

Schools expect kids to wipe bums. You’ve got time to get her to practice so don’t worry.

You say that but I know for a fact there are kids starting school still in nappies and it's a form of discrimination to say they can't come to school because of this

So actually I don't think it was that obvious!

She's at preschool and they would help her

My son came home with skids in his pants in reception maybe once a week or so? He can wipe his bum but if it’s a bit loose or presumably he’s in a rush he doesn’t always do a thorough job.

Yep, she will need to learn to wipe herself.

Also, I think many mothers are guilty
of this, we have a totally dependent baby and we do everything for them, so now step back and get her doing things for herself. Getting dressed, pouring a drink, making a sandwich, cutting a banana, putting on shoes, putting clean washing away, making bed, tidying toys away, sweeping the floor, ad infinitum. It’s for her and your own good.

Kids shouldn't be starting school in nappies.Its pure laziness on the parents part. Teaching is not wiping arses.

She doesn't go for a poo at preschool, but she's not going there 5 x a week so I don't want her to be coming home with poo all over herself

Feel terrible that I never even thought of teaching her this sooner

She's at a difficult age at the moment where everything is no and I don't know how to handle this with her. I tried to talk to her about it yesterday and her response was immediately negative "I don't want to" well not the best start 🙈

Kids starting school in nappies! WTF. That can’t be usual. I mean there will always be some for a variety of reasons but it’s not the norm.

Teachers will not wipe bums.

If a child can't do it they come home with a dirty o ne.

This. I don’t believe there are many young 4 year olds who are consistently capable bum wipers yet. They might do an ok job but need a clean at home more than if they’d had help.

Youve got time to start teaching op. I found DD often wanted me to do it even once she’d started learning (even will now ask at 6!) because she found it difficult, but if I sat and coached her through it she would get there and confidence increase.

One thing I found is that school/nursery told them to take one square of paper at a time and I contradicted this advice and taught them how to use a few bits to prevent them getting it on their fingers.

When you say 'school' do you mean Reception or nursery/preschool attached to the school? If the latter I imagine they would still help a bit. My DC went to a private nursery rather than school one so not sure how much it differs in rules.

Yes, you need to teach her. It's all part of toilet training, along with washing hands afterwards.

OP she’ll be fine. My 3 year old will be starting school at the same time, he’s not quite 3.5 but he gives it a good effort. There were no sore bottoms from my eldest aslong as she gives it a good attempt. She’s got nearly a year to progress! That’s ages.

She can do all these things

She can undress and dress herself, put her own shoes on, her coat. She knows how to unlock toilet doors, I always get her to do it when we're out. She can recognise her own name. Open all the bits in her own lunch box.

But I guess when it comes to poo, it just didn't occur to me.

Is this real? Of course teachers are not going to be wiping 30 kids bums. When do you expect them to teach. You’re their parent. It’s absolutely your job to toilet train your child. And barring any developmental/disabilities no child should be going to school in nappies. And that’s not a good enough excuse to not parent effectively and send your child in unprepared for basic self care. I’m gobsmacked this is even a question. You don’t need a teacher to come here and tell you to get a grip. Sorry if this sounds harsh but I’ve never heard anything like it !

Then she’s already ahead of her peers.

Of course she needs to be able to do this
Teachers are there to teach, not as childcare

Yes, she'll need to be able to wipe her bum, assuming there isn't a medical reason why she can't.

The children starting school in nappies are overwhelmingly likely to have a medical reason for that.

I think OP was just having a moment of realisation. Not being totally naive.

@Cas112

I think you need to take into account children who are neurodiverse. It's easy to make a blanket statement like that.

I potty trained my daughter at 2yo, she was very capable but I don't pretend to know everyone's situation.

I agree teachers shouldn't have to wipe bums, but then maybe kids shouldn't be starting school at just turned 4?

They do in DC's school 🙋

Some of the kids are so tiny, they literally don't have long enough arms yet. I raised this when I met my son's teachers before he started and they assured me it's a very standard part of reception and they're used to it.

It's quite common nowadays unfortunately