Does my DD need to know how to wipe her bum if she does a poo before starting school?

[RedRobyn2021]

DD is 3.5 and we are looking at starting her in reception the term after she turns 4, she won't be going full time but it to help make the transition easier when she goes full time September next year.

I saw a parent on fb group I'm in saying their just turned 4yo (turned 4 in August) is coming home without their bum wiped properly after a poo because they're being left to do it themselves at school.

I am panicking now

My daughter has even potty trained for 1.5 years and will do all her wees in the toilet but will only poo in her potty. I didn't think this was the end of the world but when i saw this I realised I've never taught her how to wipe her bum (she's fine with wees)

Please can a teacher or parent who knows better advise me what's the norm? I'm quite worried now

Um ... yes!

@Heatwavenotify

How do you manage to make an even more ridiculous comment?

You know nothing about my parenting except one query. My daughter is very capable and I'm a gold standard parent IMO.

Sorry if you think it's immature but the beauty of an online forum is you can make your ridiculous comments and I can tell you to sod off, can't I? Difference is, I'd tell you to sod off in real life as well 👍

Are you even a parent? Certainly not the same kind as me, if you are.

That doesn’t work, we can see your pre-edit post. You need to get MNHQ to remove your post if that’s what you want.

Ok thank you

She's quite tall for her age so hopefully her arms won't be too short.

We will get there

OP did you think the teacher would be accompanying each child to the toilet and wiping them? surely not

Fgs. I’d be ashamed if I sent a kid with no other needs to school incontinent.

No, but I thought if my daughter asked for help then they would help her

Yes she needs to learn before starting school but don't expect her to a great job of it before turning 5! Skid marks are just part of the learning process. The teachers and TAs don't have time to help or check. They will sort out an accident but not assist normal toileting.

“Her arms won’t be too short”?!!! Lololol. What are you ON?

At DD’s they are expected to make a very good effort themselves, but if they need some
help or have an accident they will help.

DD is fully toilet trained but has soiling accidents due to chronic long term constipation (medicated).

We have very small classes though and they are well staffed (Teacher, full time
TA and a 1-2-1 for a class of 15 kids Reception and Y1 combined). The 1-2-1 being for a child with SEND.

Correct!! I sent my kids to school knowing how to use the toilet. I didn’t have to ask strangers if I could just leave it to the teachers. 👍🏻

Is it a mixed reception and preschool class as in England children start reception either the September after they’ve turned 4 (or if summer born the September after they’ve turned 5 if they’re parents want). So maybe she can start their preschool after Easter?

Evidently. They're usually the ones who shout discrimination.

OP I think you're onto something by questioning whether 4 is an appropriate time for children to start school - large swathes of the Western world start closer to 7, which seems more in line with where most children are developmentally.
But there's not much we can do about that, living in the UK 🤷🏼‍♀️
I found this guide really helpful in teaching DS to wipe:
https://busytoddler.com/how-to-teach-your-child-to-wipe/
I also had to be a lot more explicit than I expected in terms of where exactly to wipe - initially he would dutifully wipe the top of his crack, check the paper, and declare "clean!" without having gone anywhere near his actual anus. He still doesn't get it all, every time, especially with the tracing paper they provide at school to wipe with and he'll be 5 in a couple months. But he's getting better.

If it’s a reach issue then a couple things to try would be have her stand up to wipe (not ideal but an interim thing), or teach her to go between her legs and wipe backwards.

You will get there. There’s a lot of perfect parents online, every child learns things differently and at their own pace, 3.5 and 4 are also 6 months apart and a lot can happen in that time. Just try your best, there is support at school if needed so make sure she knows she can ask for it if she needs to.

You may also find that even if she can’t crack it before school, once at school if her peers are able to do it then she’ll be more motivated to learn.

Yes they need to be able to wipe. But I never expected skidder free pants that young to be honest. There is no way it's a teachers role to make sure that they're wiping properly

There was a report which stated 1 in 4 children are starting school not toilet trained https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cp3dykw576yo

Pretty shocking, I am not sure if it is a national finding or just for one area but even so...

@RedRobyn2021

maybe kids shouldn't be starting school at just turned 4?

Agree with this. England is very young at sending kids to school .

In Scotland kids are aged between 4.5 and 5.5 when they start and many of the younger ones defer a year.

Until then they are at nursery.

My two were both 5 when they started but would have been just turned 4 if they lived in England which would have horrified me.

Are you going to look around the school or meet the teachers before she starts? Might be a chance to ask. Perhaps it's school specific which is why some people seem so appalled and others are not so shocked.

In our school reception kids are all told to bring a change of clothes (even in the case of kids like my son who hadn't had an accident since they were 2) as a new environment and routine can create accidents. The teachers were kind and reassuring about some needing a little more help, and overall everything has been fine.

Not something to get embroiled in a MN war over. I have no idea why some people need to be so rude and mean to one another. Wouldn't it be great if there was more team spirit and kindness.

I've never heard of a child in a UK school starting after Easter before the September their due to start, that is really unusual and logistically I don't even know how that would work as surely they already have their reception class in each day. Also they are so young it seems like ratios wouldn't be safe? Are you sure that's correct op? As you may be rushing to teach your dd this but you actually have nearly a year to do it

This. It’s unbelievable that OP even asked the question- I despair 😞

Yes the expectation is they know how to wipe too. We practiced this at home using normal toilet paper but DS’ school uses biodegradable wet tissues so it’s a lot easier (and cleaner!). I think your focus should be to get dd onto the toilet then look at wiping. Wiping on the potty is very different to on the loo.

Don’t sorry OP you’ve got ages. I’ve taught my 3yo to wipe her bum but she can’t actually reach! Hoping her arms grow by the time she’s started school

Op
I'm sure if your daughter asked for help, they would but in practice how would that work.
Teachers done go into toilets with the kids typically so she'd have to tell teacher in advance that she needed a poo or else she'd have to shout out to the room ( like mine did) wipe my bum. Neither are really what you want for her.
I'd hold ofd on sending her to school until she has it down. Neither you nor she needs the pressure. Sep is loads of time .

@RedRobyn2021 You need to start teaching her. TBH, I've found that my kids tend to 💩 at home. If the 💩 at school then might get some skids but that's okay. It's part of learning.