Does my DD need to know how to wipe her bum if she does a poo before starting school?

[RedRobyn2021]

DD is 3.5 and we are looking at starting her in reception the term after she turns 4, she won't be going full time but it to help make the transition easier when she goes full time September next year.

I saw a parent on fb group I'm in saying their just turned 4yo (turned 4 in August) is coming home without their bum wiped properly after a poo because they're being left to do it themselves at school.

I am panicking now

My daughter has even potty trained for 1.5 years and will do all her wees in the toilet but will only poo in her potty. I didn't think this was the end of the world but when i saw this I realised I've never taught her how to wipe her bum (she's fine with wees)

Please can a teacher or parent who knows better advise me what's the norm? I'm quite worried now

Yes of course, the teachers don't go to the loo with them and won't be wiping bums. By 4 she should have been doing it herself for a good 6 months to a year.

Generally children starting school in nappies are the ones with development delays, autism or disabilities. You get the odd outlier but they tend to catch up pretty quickly and basically train themselves once they realise all their friends can do it.

@Elderberrier yes I will get on it with her

She has very good hand hygiene

Uh, shame. Makes more work for the school.

Your Dd will be fine. You’ve got some time for teach her, it’s no big deal.

I think you need to read @okayhescereal comment, her school do help the kids

Your comment is completely ridiculous, go away

It’s not laziness in many cases - my dd is autistic and still in nappies. The mainstream school has a policy we sign and they are happy to change her

Of course OP. Doesn’t matter if other kids get help with wiping their bums. You can have different standards for your daughter, and take one more bum off the wiping list for those poor reception teachers! You’ve got ages until school start (unless you’re in Australia or somewhere they start in January!). She’s 3.5 already so she’ll be old in the year?

Im obviously not on about children with additional needs...

Yes it's that cut and dry isn't it 🙄 everyone's children develops at exactly the same rate and heaven forbid if there are issues along the way. I mean they're not really small children are they? Just mini adults.

I think the potty training forum would disagree with your world view

There’s a long time until next September! Plenty of time to get it sorted.

Also probably unlikely she’ll poo at school anyway tbh.

@fruitbrewhaha your post is so refreshing!! I asked for help on here once with encouraging my children to get themselves dressed and ready in the mornings. The response was scathing! All these posters saying I was being cruel and also making my life difficult for no reason. I should be the one dressing them and brushing their teeth. I'm absolutely on hand if they need help with these things, but I'm not going to do it for them when they're perfectly capable. One responder said she brushed her child's teeth till he was 10. I seriously try super hard not to judge other people's parenting, but I found it hard to see that it was me who was 'wrong' in that scenario.

OP I think you can encourage her but it's going to depend on the length of her arms 😂 and a few other things. My son is 5, he has a go every time but he struggles to do a good job so still needs someone to check. My daughter is 3 and she's pretty much got the hang of it already.

Honestly op
You have ages to teach her yet and if she's not 💯 perfect so what. She can change when she comes home from school.

You’ve still got lots of time OP for her to learn how to wipe…..she will pick it up….don’t worry….and don’t listen to all the negative judgy posts on hear….,good luck 🍀

This is my intention now I know better. I didn't think she'd be going to school until next September but visiting schools last week the one we want to go for is offering to take her after Easter, so a lot earlier than I realised.

I think my real panic is that she's being so difficult at the moment, I think it's her age and I'm pregnant which is perhaps not helping. I feel like everything is a battle and I don't want to battle with her over this too. I'll talk to her about it again later and hopefully she'll be more receptive, if not I guess i just won't send her early.

Mine didn’t. They were required to be toilet trained by 3.5yo but they certainly weren’t wiping their own bums. In our case, “toilet trained” meant everything independently except yelling “I’ve finished” after a poo.

However, I had them in a very strict routine: they all pooped right after breakfast, every day, at home. They all only ever pooped once a day (same as us). Never once have they pooped at nursery or school (they’re old now and we haven’t talked about their bowels in many years - but certainly not before they learned to clean themselves!).

Comment withdrawn

I'm assuming it's a private school or not U.K. as U.K. state school schools start in September assuming she turns 4 between September 1st and august 31st this year. Ask about their arrangements as in U.K. state schools they need to be self sufficient

Thats not the standard to aim for though is it?

Kids used to be toilet trained before school- seems to be a recent thing that parents now feel teachers are to teach everything including wiping your arse...

Generally, they just don’t go at school, just like most adults don’t routinely poo at work.

what?! 😂 I poo at work and my children poo at school…

With Christmas coming buy some fab novelty loo roll just for her and get her to use it. Christmas is a great time to get things like this done. So an extra chocolate in the advent calendar if she is doing well. She has time and she will be able yo do it.

Mine were born late 80s/ early 90s and you couldn't send them to nursery at 3 if there weren't fully toilet trained.

Starting school in nappies, (with no additional needs) is sheer laziness.

You posted a question on a public forum. You really don’t get to tell people to go away because you didn’t like the answer. Very immature. A bit like your approach to parenting. Well their kids went in nappies, and that child’s teacher did it, so I don’t have to parent effectively. Is that seriously your answer.
I REALLY do feel for teachers when I read posts like this from parents.
Kids might not be proficient at it, but as a parent it’s your obligation to teach them and not expect teachers to do your job for you.

No it's a normal school in the U.K., it's a Church of England school if that makes a difference?

I'd never heard of them letting children start early, the term after they turn 4 until I visited last week.

Tbh I've been feeling uneasy about an early start, not sure if it's the right thing, but I also want an easy transition as possible for her when she goes full time in September

I honestly wouldn’t worry yourself massively over this OP. Yes there is the expectation at 4 that they should be able to wipe themselves and there isn’t an adult going to the toilet with a child for the purpose of wiping, but there is (or should be) an adult available who can provide guidance with this if needed.

Try your best to teach her, but if it’s not totally successful by starting time then let her know that if she needs help then she should ask for it.