Does my DD need to know how to wipe her bum if she does a poo before starting school?

[RedRobyn2021]

DD is 3.5 and we are looking at starting her in reception the term after she turns 4, she won't be going full time but it to help make the transition easier when she goes full time September next year.

I saw a parent on fb group I'm in saying their just turned 4yo (turned 4 in August) is coming home without their bum wiped properly after a poo because they're being left to do it themselves at school.

I am panicking now

My daughter has even potty trained for 1.5 years and will do all her wees in the toilet but will only poo in her potty. I didn't think this was the end of the world but when i saw this I realised I've never taught her how to wipe her bum (she's fine with wees)

Please can a teacher or parent who knows better advise me what's the norm? I'm quite worried now

DS was wiping by 2. He could definitely reach. The trick is to have feet flat either on the floor or a stool and a toilet seat that fits perfectly. Then shuffle a bit to reach back. Reaching is a lot easier when you’re not also having to also balance.

in my experience most don’t want to poo at school due to the social issues around it.

you have plenty of time op. I think your getting an unnecessary rough ride, sometimes these things just don’t occur to us

Crickey, if she had a male teacher (they do exist in primary), next we would have parents up in arms about that.

What do you think you did when you went to school OP?

It is not the job of a teacher or teaching assistant to wipe your child's bottom. You should have taught her how to do that. That is lazy parenting. I had three boys, in four years, they could wipe their own bottoms when they went to school at age 3 1/2.

What do you think? Really?

If she was going to start reception in September surely she will be starting in pre school?

Either way you have plenty of time to teach her, she will be fine. But if she’s going into pre school I’m sure they will help if needed.

Why are you sending her to school at just turned 4? Is she starting reception but doing 5 terms in reception? This is very unusal.

Do you know what a teacher is OP? It’s someone who teaches, not someone who wipes bums! The adult to child ratio at schools is much lower that at pre-school or nursery so there isn’t enough staff to provide a bum-wiping service. In the absence of special needs, parents really need to do their bit to ensure teachers’ jobs aren’t even harder than they already are.

My daughter has short arms, she absolutely can’t reach unless she goes underneath and then would risk wiping back to front. She can reach enough to rub the tissue on but not wipe efficiently.

She has 2 years till school, she will have be fine by then.

Yes I think it would be good if there was the option for them to start a bit later.

I do appreciate that some kids are ready at 4 though, but some really really aren't and schools don't tend to be receptive to a delayed start unless they go straight into year 1. But that first year of reception has been shown to be enormously important.

My kids couldn't start pre-preschool 2y 10 m unless they were fully trained and could do everything toileting related themselves. No nappies or pull-ups. (Obvious exceptions for medical issues, but that had to be dealt with by parent coming in to sort) By 4 they should be able to wipe efficiently.

@okayhescereal i visited once last week for an open evening, I'm going to ask if we can go back during a school day and I think I will ask then. I really don't think we can be alone in worrying about this.

At least if I know their stance I can make a decision accordingly, if they won't help and I can't get her ready in time then we'll just need to wait until September next year. She'll be 4.5 by then and I'm sure this won't be an issue by then

Wouldn't worry, they all get there eventually. As an example, my son (year 2) has just mastered this within the last month!! 😅 not without constant encouragement I might add!
He just took ages to get it.

Don't think that's particularly unusual actually.

It's crazy that anyone even thinks to question if it's expected, barring additional needs/looked after children who have trauma blocks that can make certain activities harder.

My youngest has ASD and could wipe his bottom when he started school, as it was something he could manage, I didn't just leave it with the "you can't discriminate" as that, I feel, is an insult and injustice to the children whose needs really do mean they will take a lot longer to learn certain aspects of being independent.

Yes, I'm sure. The head teacher told me herself and when I said I'd never heard of this, she said it is very unusual so most parents haven't. It's a very small village school, she said they think it makes it easier to stagger the children starting. They only take about 10 pupils into receptions so not many at all

I'm a reception teacher and we will help a child who asks by standing nearby and talking them through how to do it. We will
Then wipe them if they have made a mess but it's not usual to do this. I'm sure your daughter will learn, she's got ages to go.

This issues just shows that we start kids at school far too early in this country. We start kids at school when they are still in their early years, then refuse to help them with personal care. Its an absolute disgrace.

I live in Wales when most kids start school at three. I have seen TAs refusing to wipe clean three year olds as ' its not their job'. Its disgusting.

If schools don't want to do personal care they should not be starting kids at school when they are still in their early years.

How can they say she can start after Easter! Places aren't allocated untill 16th April so you won't know which school she has untill then. There wouldn't be enough time to start after Easter as it's mid April next year, plus the school wouldn't have had time to work out class lists and do induction sessions etc . They will also still have the current reception kids. Do you mean the school nursery class? Anyway don't bank on this happening as you have no idea which school your child will be allocated on 16th April.

I haven't left it at that though have I ?

How old was your little boy when he started? If I start my daughter early she will have just turned 4, if we wait she will be 4.5

I think we can all agree that 6 months is a long time for a young child's development. She is still only 3 at the moment. Could your son wipe his bum on his own at 3?

My daughter has even potty trained for 1.5 years and will do all her wees in the toilet but will only poo in her potty.

Then she isn't trained, is she?

Teaching your child to use the toilet and wipe their own bottom is a parents responsibility, not that of a teacher.

It will be because she wants you to go to her school and early so they can claim the funding. If the school was at or near PAN she wouldn’t encourage it. Is there a chance the school will be forced to close?

In all the reception classes I've worked in we 'helped' the kids who didn't know how to wipe or had an accident by standing outside the door and giving them instructions. So when teachers say they help, be aware that this might be what they mean.

My children weren't perfect when they started school but could do a pretty good job most of the time. At home I would check but obviously I couldn't do that at school, occasionally DC1 would come back with skid marks but learnt quickly.

I didn't realise they started so young in Wales! 3yo seems incredibly young what on earth

I know the teachers at my daughters preschool would help her, they take children from 2 so inevitably some are still in nappies nevermind wiping themselves up

Could your son wipe his bum on his own at 3? Yes. My 18m tries too but they definitely need help.