Does my DD need to know how to wipe her bum if she does a poo before starting school?

[RedRobyn2021]

DD is 3.5 and we are looking at starting her in reception the term after she turns 4, she won't be going full time but it to help make the transition easier when she goes full time September next year.

I saw a parent on fb group I'm in saying their just turned 4yo (turned 4 in August) is coming home without their bum wiped properly after a poo because they're being left to do it themselves at school.

I am panicking now

My daughter has even potty trained for 1.5 years and will do all her wees in the toilet but will only poo in her potty. I didn't think this was the end of the world but when i saw this I realised I've never taught her how to wipe her bum (she's fine with wees)

Please can a teacher or parent who knows better advise me what's the norm? I'm quite worried now

I honestly don't know the best way to go about getting her to poo in the toilet

She is at the age where it's her way or the high way

I did try the hardline approach a few months back and take her potty away which resulted in withholding, which I regretted to be honest and I told her as much and gave her the potty back. I thought we have all the time in the world she'll be able to do it before school no problem, but now we're looking at this much earlier start which worries me.

She says she doesn't like it when the water splashing back, so I told her to put some toilet paper in the toilet before she does a poo and I talked to her about how the water is clean, so it doesn't really matter if it splashes back. But she's really got a bee in her bonnet about it.

How do you "make" someone poo in the toilet?

Are there books I can get for this to convince her?

I'm having another baby soon and it would be nice not to have to clean out her potty every time she does a poo tbh, I'm realiy fed up of it.

She’ll get there op, don’t worry. You know now what you need to do. She’s still so little and children develop skills at different times. It’s good that she knows how to do all the other things, which other children may struggle with.
My eldest DD started school at 5 and her teacher came out at the end of the first day to tell me that she seemed to have forgotten to put her pants on! She’d been dressing herself for months, so i obviously hadn’t checked, but she’d been so excited to wear her uniform she just forgot the basics!
On another note, do you know how many children will be starting with her after Easter (I have heard of this happening). If there are going to be quite a few, you could consider it, but it’s maybe not such a good idea if she’s going to be the only one. Most will start in September as a new class.

🙈 oh my goodness, that's niche

God help you if you'd posted for help online 🤣

yes please.

@RedRobyn2021 serves me right for being lazy and using the lift when sometimes I could have actually used the stairs 😂

I'm very surprised you're planning to send her before she's compulsory school age - my daughter is late August 2020 and she'll be starting Reception in September 2025, when she's just turned 5, rather than just turned 4, precisely for stuff like this. My DD is still a bit hit and miss on wiping, and I'm confident that by the time she goes next September she'll be able to do all the independent actions 100% of the time, rather than 50% of the time.

I'm assuming your DD is an April 2021 baby. I really wouldn't be choosing to send her to a school environment when she was 3 just a couple of weeks before - she's not compulsory school age, she doesn't need to be there and this is exactly why. A later start means she has more time to master this stuff.

Little kids who were 3 only a few weeks before do not need to be in a formal school environment, imo.

I honestly didn't even think of this when my 2 started, but mine tend to have a routine with pooing, and only poo in the evening haha!

My daughter has severe autism but she's so independent. She was TT at 3 1/2 and learnt to wipe her bum by copying me. Of course they will help them if they have special needs. But no they should be able to wipe their bum. There's too many in the class. They call it school ready. There was a teacher in the US that put a good vid up. Showing children how to wipe their bum with balloons and it worked.

Thanks for this

No I don't know, I will need to ask

My mum told me she'd be fine starting in September with the others, but I guess I thought a soft start would help it's hard to know what the right thing to do is.

5 days a week off the bat seems like a lot and if she starts early we can just do a couple to start with.

Another thing I haven't asked is if I can go in with her on day 1, I'm assuming this won't be allowed in September because there would be too many parents and it just doesn't make sense... but seems like a lot just sending her off alone. Is this what people usually do?

Think you’re getting a bit of a hard time on here OP, you’ve got ages to teach her it’s only October!

school and nursery both gave us lists of things for school readiness. Think about stuff like dressing herself, using cutlery to eat not fingers, understanding when we go to the loo we shut the door wash our hands etc.

I would absolutely teach her but they will help if she’s asks for it. My daughter went to pre school when she was 3 - 5 months before she was 4. She knew how to do it but needed help. They helped when she asked

@RedRobyn2021 I think it’s odd that school are advising starting early when all the research suggests that kids who are old for their year group settle in better. Any friends she makes in that first term will be moved up to year 1 without her so she’ll have to “start again” both from nursery and in Sept ‘25. And she’ll be joining the phonics lessons 2/3 of the way through the year, which is likely to frustrate her rather than set her up for success and foster a love of learning!!

My DD started school last year in Sept at 4.5 years old. One of the 1st rules the school instilled was that no one, adult or child, is to go into a toilet with anyone else!! A slightly dirty bottom won’t hurt your DD whilst she’s still learning to wipe and if you wait to start at the right time she’s got a year from now to figure it out at her own pace.

The only reason I'm considering it is because they've said she can just do a couple of days and it makes her start in September easier because she'll already know her school room, environment, ready for those intense 5 days a week

To be honest I'm in two minds, it's actually had me up at night worrying about making the right decision. Her dad just thinks we should do what I think is best, not helpful

@RedRobyn2021 because the school sounds so tiny I should imagine Reception starting is slightly different (or did you mean it's 70 for her year group not the whole school?).
Usually most schools do a "get to know you" stay and play in the summer term before starting which parents attend with their child.
I'm not sure how it works with a tiny school.
Write everything down you want to know and just ask 🙂

Yes! Who else would do it if not her?

Yes I agree with you

It's a small village school where reception and year 1 are together so there will be children still in the same class as her when she starts in September

I do appreciate your opinion because this is what has me in two minds

But I'm worried about her starting 5 days a week straight away, I thought going a couple of days a week from April might make the transition easier

My son is 5, he has been taught this by us since he was toilet trained at 2 and a half. BUT he still either can't do it particularly well or can't be bothered to do it so does his best at school and gets by! He comes home in a bit of a mess sometimes but I think thats quite common and a reception classroom is generally quite smelly by the end of the day anyway. And they're all covered in school dinner too. He would come home from nursery with a clean face and clean bottom as they did all of this for him. Comes home from school quite feral as he gets used to his new level of independence. It was the same with my older children too. As someone else said, they usually prefer to poo at home anyway so he has 15 minutes on the toilet each morning and the same each evening and this tends to avoid too many issues!

The children starting school in nappies probably have some sort of learning disability. There is no other reason not to be potty trained by school age other than lazy parenting.

That's the whole school! Mad isn't it, nothing like the schools I went to

I didn't realise some schools did that, thank you for telling me, I will make a note to ask them

@RedRobyn2021 if she starts after Easter she will be the baby of the school and all the older ones (especially the girls) will absolutely adore her and make lots of fuss. So she might enjoy it. If it's just the 2 days I would give it a go.
Just practice bum wiping first!

You know her best, so go with your gut feeling. Do all the children in the current reception class (the one she’d be joining after Easter) go into Year 1 in September? If so, she might be better waiting and starting with all the other newbies, rather than making friends and then having them all go to the next class in September.
i don’t know what the answer is really, it’s so personal to you and your DD. My eldest would have been fine starting a year early ( her birthday is in September, so she was actually 5 when she started) and a couple of schools offer ended to take her, but we decided she was better socially at her fab nursery. My youngest would have been better starting a year later than she did (June birthday), but that wasn’t an option when she started, so it all depends on your child and circumstances.
You won’t be disadvantaging her by waiting though.

😊 I bet she was soon running up and down stairs

Yes, we can help because we wouldn’t leave a child covered in poo - neither for their sake or the sakes of everyone else around them. But to wipe a child’s bum or clean them up when they smear it everywhere requires two adults (for safeguarding reasons). We can’t spend all day doing that.

Many children arrive at school in the morning rushed. The best thing you can do is allow them time in the morning to do a poo at home if they need to. Also, see if they need to poo in the evening. That way you’ll be reducing the amount of times they need to poo at school to a minimum.

Use bribery to encourage toilet use and/or a star chart. Please explain to your child that teachers do not wipe bums so they’ll have to do it themselves at school. It’s sad to see children not knowing that. It distresses them. Make it clear and clearly explain every aspect of going to the toilet at school, including how to ask, when to go, wiping, flushing, handwashing.

Yeh definitely teach her. But I do feel even those that can do it still struggle a bit with achieving a completely successful bum wipe (if you see what I mean).

Maybe your child won't feel comfortable with having a poo at school and just do it before or after. I get the impression this is what my little girl does.

@Kitkat1523 unfortunately not. She's a lazy one. If there's a lift or an escalator she'll use that 😂