Can school stop this?

[CherryCherri]

My son collects my daughter from school whilst I wait outside with my other child. My son is 12 and my daughter is 7. The school were fine with this as I was waiting just outside and they are aware of this, never been a problem for 2 years. However a new headteacher started last year and suddenly it’s now a problem. Now siblings have to be 16 to collect. I explained my situation and why my son is collecting and that I’m waiting right outside and at no point is he ever expected to bring her home alone, they were ok with this until recently and now it’s a problem again. I’ve repeated again I am just right outside, members of staff can see me and I can see my son the whole time he is in the playground but nope they have refused and said he isn’t allowed to collect her and bring her to me. Now I hear time and time again on here that schools can’t dictate this but can they? They refused to allow my daughter to go with my son the other day so seems the school do have the final say. I’m asking if I insist he collects her can they stop it and I’m guessing all they could do is refer to ss, how would ss view this situation?

But op stated it wasn’t possible to go into the school hence why she needed the 12 year old to pick up the 7 year old. But can now go in apparently! All while never mentioning she had a 10 year old attending the same school!

As I said, the op has refused to elaborate so you’re just guessing about the other DC having a disability.

At the end of the day, what it all boils down to is the lack of information and the total utter drip feeding from the op! I’m sure if op mentioned the 10 year old from the beginning rather than leaving it until her very latest update (umpteen pages in) and explained that she CAN actually get into school to reception rather than saying she can’t get into school then maybe people would be able to help! Now that people have been left guessing, the thread been whipped up into a frenzy and arguments, people are now being told they can argue amongst themselves after trying to help! Okay!

I don’t understand why op made a thread just to then not give any information.

This is what I would do, if you genuinely are just outside. I taught a child aged 6 where the Mum had severe phobias and couldn’t face the playground, just getting out of the house was a challenge. I’d walk the child to the bottom of the street where it was quiet and Mum would collect there. If it’s a disability related reason and not that you can’t be arsed collecting then the school should work with you to put something in place that suits both you and the safeguarding rules.

I don’t know the other parents where I haven’t done the school run 🤷🏻‍♀️

You have a child in year 3 and don't know a single parent in the class? Isn't there a class WhatsApp group? In our class I'd happily walk any child from the gate to a nearby car etc.

Maybe you need to just a make an effort to get to know some other parents to ask if one wouldn't mind helping.

I'm glad you've sorted a solution. Do you know at what age the school will let your your DD walk out of school alone? Only asking as presumably next year your 10 year old will also be at secondary school so school may kick up a fuss again.
That's why I would talk to the safeguarding leader and the head because otherwise you will have the same problem next September

Our school is 16yr above

Most schools are

Yes the teachers may be able to see you but if they start bending rules for one parent. Then will be another. And another

Yes they did but now they aren't and that's their rule

If you won't say why you can't go in , as you seem to be so close that the teachers can see you - then why not go in and collect your child

You might meet other mums who then can help and bring your child to you just outside the school

Unless you are very disabled and literally in a car right outside school and can't walk easily a few meters then I can't see why you are being so stubborn and difficult over this

Don't make your child be the one who feels she can't say no to you /teachers and put them in a hard position

Ss have got better things to do then waste their time over you being difficult

Yes I've read your so now 2 kids disrupt their whole class leaving early every day /possibly Missing something important

Why can you go into the reception and collect 2 kids early

But not wait a little longer till they finish and collect from classroom causing no mayhem to 2 classes ?

The op has said she has personal reasons, let us just accept that. It could be that the child in the car outside with her is disabled or maybe the op is. It's not our business. She obviously would go and fetch her daughter if it was easy, and it's not.

(I wrote this a little whie ago but my wifi froze, was glad to come back and find it but am not up to date; the op may now have sorted the problem.)

I doubt it's the DC with a disability as that would make it very weird to give a child the responsibility to deal with.

The OP has a solution albeit not ideal for the Teacher or other classmates. I am sure it will workout in the end. No need for SS.

You don't want advice OP, what you want is people to agree with you. You have accused a poster of being nosey, you are petulant with your answers, and just rude.

I’m finding the thread bizarre.
First there was no mention of a 10 year old, now it transpires that there is a 10 year old attending the same school.
Op said it wasn’t possible to go into the school to collect the 7 year old herself and this could only be done by the 12 year old but can now miraculously get into school 15 minutes early to collect both children.
Op also refuses to elaborate on her situation and keeps drip feeding but then when people start guessing and arguing between with each other due to the lack of information that op has provided, OP then decides to tell everyone she’s now sorted it with the school and told everyone who’s tried to help that they can all “argue amongst themselves”.
Why not just sort it with the school in the first place then rather than making a thread and giving hardly any information

That could well be the case but there isn’t much point posting a thread then refusing to elaborate on the ‘personal reasons’ apart from that someone has a disability. I don’t see the point making a thread just to drop feed and give little information for people to go on

because her question was

"I’m asking if I insist he collects her can they stop it and I’m guessing all they could do is refer to ss, how would ss view this situation?"

which she got answers to.

The rest was people demanding to know all her personal info about the why/wherefore which she didn't want to share, and didn't need to for her question to be answered.

But without more info on ‘this situation’ then how do we know what ss would do? The head may have very valid reasons why they feel it is a safeguarding issue not to let a 12 year old collect a 7 year old that the previous head may not have seen/ thought about. People cannot answer based on no information.

If I couldn't see them, which I can't from our pick up point, no. They would have to wait until everyone else had gone so I could walk round to where I could see them.

So have you had a meeting with the head to explain?

The op has said she has personal reasons, let us just accept that. It could be that the child in the car outside with her is disabled or maybe the op is. It's not our business. She obviously would go and fetch her daughter if it was easy, and it's not.

(I wrote this a little whie ago but my wifi froze, was glad to come back and find it but am not up to date; the op may now have sorted the problem.)

It's obvious that the OP is trying to avoid someone. Maybe her abusive ex works there or she previously belted a teacher and now can come within x-feet. It doesn't matter. Just accept that she can't be on the school grounds at home time.

I'll see your "sweetie" and raise you a "bless your heart."😂😂😉

A bit weird to ask for advice but then not give the reason why anything suggested won't work.

My child's school the person has to be 16 or above to collect children but they can walk home from about year 4 by themselves.

Ivwould say write a letter setting out what you want to do and saying you are totally responsible for the time your child leaves school with your son and gets to you.

Schools have policies. Parents have a choice to agree to the policies, or choose another school, or home school their children. They are safeguarding children to make sure a child makes it safe to their parent, as parents would complain if something went wrong. They probably don’t want to burden your 12 year old with the possibility of something going wrong either. Just be happy they care about your children, and they look after your children/teach your children for free (basically). If you need a reasonable adjustment ask if a TA can walk your child to you, or another parent

Yes it is up to the school it’s their property.

I'm not sure where this aggressions from, this is a forum so of course people will try and offer solutions.

But if you're this forceful with the school I can see how it's resulting in a clash. You don't have to explain to us, but if there is a reason the offered solutions don't work. Leaving the 12 yr old with the sibling in the car/parking and all going together are reasonable suggestions but if they don't work for you maybe try speaking to the school again

The specific element, can schools dictate may vary district to district or between state and private schools. It'll depend on the schools policy.

But ultimately once you leave your child the school has a responsibility to ensure their safety. Its a reasonably policy to say an authorised adult only can pick the child up. While you may be close and in view if they amend the rules for you it may become problematic if other parents want special treatment.

I'd ask them to clarify the policy in your specific school, raise your concerns and ask if they can accommodate

We had this when I worked in a Link Club, you need to collect your child.

I am living in Sheffield in the Norton area. I take my 2 year old to playgroup on Tuesday mornings at Valley Hub. Does anybody know of any other toddler groups I can go to aswell? Thanks.

If you’re there and right outside, why can’t you do it and why does it have to be your son?