Can school stop this?

[CherryCherri]

My son collects my daughter from school whilst I wait outside with my other child. My son is 12 and my daughter is 7. The school were fine with this as I was waiting just outside and they are aware of this, never been a problem for 2 years. However a new headteacher started last year and suddenly it’s now a problem. Now siblings have to be 16 to collect. I explained my situation and why my son is collecting and that I’m waiting right outside and at no point is he ever expected to bring her home alone, they were ok with this until recently and now it’s a problem again. I’ve repeated again I am just right outside, members of staff can see me and I can see my son the whole time he is in the playground but nope they have refused and said he isn’t allowed to collect her and bring her to me. Now I hear time and time again on here that schools can’t dictate this but can they? They refused to allow my daughter to go with my son the other day so seems the school do have the final say. I’m asking if I insist he collects her can they stop it and I’m guessing all they could do is refer to ss, how would ss view this situation?

We by wouldn’t she reveal this early on. That’s a whole different circumstance. She needs to request an accomodation.

She’s entitled to add information later. And she has in fact added information that she originally had an accommodation to this change of policy, and it is her exception that has recently been withdrawn.

Are you able to select all OP posts? It’s a really helpful feature.

There's 2 answers, either you just go in and collect the child yourself. Or your older child waits with the younger one, and you go in.

It sounds like your reasoning as to why you can't step onto school grounds might actually be important to the thread. Why so weirdly evasive/precious about your reasoning?

Of course a 12 year old, with parental permission, should be allowed to collect their 7yo sibling. It doesn't even matter why - whether you have your dog you can't leave or a disability, or even just want you kids to have a bit of independence and responsibility.

with respect you've come on here for opinions/reasons/support without telling us the whole story, if you dont want to share the full story then we can't help you?

but without you telling us we dont know, its not about being nosy its about getting the full picture before we can be of any help to you, which is what you're asking for
the school know the reasons? great, go talk to them

Also, there is nothing new under the sun.

Someone, one of the millions of users, might have experienced the same situation and come up with a solution you hadn't considered.

"...it wasn't appropriate to encourage junior school children to cycle to school"

Wow! How things have changed. Here is a local newspaper article about my old primary school saying what a good thing it was that pupils were taught cycling proficiency so that they could cycle safely to school.

The problem is that unless you do tell people what this personal situation is of yours then I’m not sure how people on here can help? I’ve tried to wrack my brain wondering how someone is able to actually turn up outside the school/ nearby but can’t actually go into the school grounds and the only plausible explanation I can think of is that you may be disabled and the school doesn’t have easy access.

I’ve seen many parents sending older siblings into school to collect children and the reasons have usually been because the parent is parked on double yellow lines so may need to move their car, parents who are disabled and can’t walk far, parents who are in a hurry and need to be somewhere but unless you are actually willing to state why you need to send a 12 year old into school while you’re actually at school yourself then I doubt the people of mumsnet can help.

Of course I know how to select, started writing before the big reveal.

If OP is as secretive with the NEW head teacher as she is with MN, she will make no progress. Don’t know why would look for support here, when can just explain to new staff why she would like an exception to a child safety rule.

All she needs to do is explain … not expect mind readings.

I agree. I’ve literally more or less said the same in the post above yours. People have been as helpful as they can and op just comes back with a reason why it’s ’not possible’ because of their situation so unless we have more information we can’t help.

I'd just wait outside where you usually do and don't move, send your son in, if they don't let her leave with him fine, the two of you can wait outside the gates until they realise they're going to have to let her come to you if they want to get home at a decent time. Wait them out 🤷‍♀️ I am an arsehole though and I wouldn't budge.

Then if the school are aware of the reasons and you're happy for your older child to collect your younger child and they both get in to the car with you, and you can see both kids while one is collecting the other, then I think what you need to do is send a letter to the head teacher stating that for the past 2 years, without issue, your youngest kid has been collected by their older brother. You are in the car and can be contacted on your mobile phone. You are not in a position to leave the car to collect the youngest child and if they have changed their policy on who can/can't collect children, you'd really appreciate it if they might circulate this in the next school newsletter. However, if the rules remain as they have been for the past 2 years, you'd really appreciate it if they would release your youngest child to their older brother so that they could walk across the school yard to your car.

That's what I'd do (but I'd edit it a bit to get the point across succinctly).

School would have a hard job explaining to "the relevant agencies" their reasoning for declining to release little Cherry in to the care of their sibling when their parent is only a few metres away.

It might be worth talking to the local council transport for schools team because they may be able to arrange taxis to take your children to school. There may also be help towards costs for the service.

I just don’t need mumsnet to tell me if they think the reasons are good enough as that’s not what I’m asking but yes it’s relating to disability

I really don't understand why you didn't just say right at the beginning that it was relating to disability. You didn't have to go into great detail about it but the way you posted got people's backs up straightaway and people can't give sensible advice if you don't give a little bit of background information.

Posting that you were waiting just outside and sending your son to collect the other child but without stating a reason is just going to draw a whole load of "Why can't you be arsed to go in yourself?" or "Just go in and collect her yourself" posts.

Posting that you have a disability right at the beginning would have got more sensible responses because it now becomes and accessibility issue for you and yes, the school should be accommodating this by allowing the 12 year old to collect your child and bring him to you (presumably in your car).
You should contact the headteacher and explain again what the disability is and why you have no alternative but to send your son to collect your child. If this brings no joy, take it to the governors.

I will leave you to all argue between yourselves but just to let you know we came up with a good plan where my son in year 6 collects her and brings her to the reception and I collect them early from now on at 3pm unsure of why that’s different as he is younger (10) but I guess it’s because it’s during school hours but this actually works out so much better for me so a great solution.

Some people don’t know about the select function, some people don’t see it because they are on the app. So no “of course” about it 🤷‍♀️

Well it's good you now have a solution that works for you.

Your are unlikely to win this. It’s becoming standard policy in primaries because of tightening safeguarding rules. Schools fail Ofsted if there is a safeguarding breach. Head is extremely unlikely to back down and risk their job because you don’t want to change your pick up routine.

As for schools having to bend to parents: not true. Schools exist for children, not parents. You cannot dictate school policy. If you object so strongly then move your child to a school where the policies suit you more.

I’ve worked in many school on supply and I’ve never worked in one that would allow this to happen. A 7 year old is too young to be sent with a 12 year old, and if you aren’t there for any reason if anything happened to the children the school would be blamed. It’s always over 16 or in some cases 18 for pick up.
In situations where a parent can’t come to the door of the school I’ve seen Teaching Assistants being asked to escort the child outside of the grounds to hand over to the parent. Could you ask if they would be willing to do that?

What a strange solution. So both the children have to leave class 15 mins early? Have school signed off on this?

Also, come next sept, you will need a new plan.

Right, so in the space of 4 hours you a) wasted everyone's time on Mumsnet and b) contacted the school and came up with a new plan.

this

This is a really bizarre situation. At my kids’ primary school kids are allowed to leave by themselves from P4. The youngest in P4 are 7. Lots of them started walking home by themselves at that point.

Have you discussed this with the school and asked them to explain what disaster they think could befall your child between the school door and the school gates?!