Can school stop this?

[CherryCherri]

My son collects my daughter from school whilst I wait outside with my other child. My son is 12 and my daughter is 7. The school were fine with this as I was waiting just outside and they are aware of this, never been a problem for 2 years. However a new headteacher started last year and suddenly it’s now a problem. Now siblings have to be 16 to collect. I explained my situation and why my son is collecting and that I’m waiting right outside and at no point is he ever expected to bring her home alone, they were ok with this until recently and now it’s a problem again. I’ve repeated again I am just right outside, members of staff can see me and I can see my son the whole time he is in the playground but nope they have refused and said he isn’t allowed to collect her and bring her to me. Now I hear time and time again on here that schools can’t dictate this but can they? They refused to allow my daughter to go with my son the other day so seems the school do have the final say. I’m asking if I insist he collects her can they stop it and I’m guessing all they could do is refer to ss, how would ss view this situation?

Who does make the rules now?

Asking as my DC left school some years ago...but back then there were rules to follow that were set by the school.

It seems quite normal to me that schools create rules. I don’t know why they would allow parents to over rule them and do what they want. I really don’t get why this is strange

I don’t think you read it properly

Yes I don’t understand why op couldn’t have just gone to the reception in the first place to pick up the 7 year old.

Which bits did i misread?

"I suspect an issue with dad or another parent/school worker." She's a lone parent, and its due to disability. she's not required to share information she doesn't want to.

"it’s all sorted within hours after months of refusal and potential SS involvement."
It's not months of refusal. its a recent issue as it was fine in march, now isn't.

Presumably because after school she is waiting with her other child.

I know you say you’re not allowed near the class but could you ask that she waits in reception and you pick her up there instead?

She isn’t leaving the school building and as long as it is staffed, they can see that you’ll be the one collecting her.

@SheilaFentiman "And OP has not clarified if she can be seen by the teacher at the gate."

Yes, she did so in the initial post:

"I've repeated again I am just right outside, members of staff can see me and I can see my son the whole time he is in the playground."

Also, @CherryCherri isn't required to give a specific reason she doesn't go in herself. Common sense tells me she has a legitimate reason, but it may be outing or personal. I was an elementary educator for over 20 years; regardless of the new headteacher's rules, there is no practical reason to refuse this exception. The mother is in sight of the staff and the son is in her sight the entire time, and she is right there if there is an emergency. If OP had a broken leg, would they still refuse?

As for the 12-year-old watching the other child at home, it's not as safe as him picking up his sister. There could be an accident or other problem, and no adult on hand.

But she was doing that anyway and was outside the school at normal pick up time, now needs to leave 15 mins early. I’m pretty sure all schools accept other siblings onto the school grounds with their parents at pick up time so not sure what the issue is. I’m sure many other parents are in a similar situation

Thanks, sweetie, but she clarified that “members of staff” could see her, but NOT the teacher releasing DD7. Check all the posts. The child being collected is a DD and it is the son who is doing the collecting.

I have never asked her why she cannot leave the youngest; you must be meaning other posters.

And - more to the point - you will also find that, if you do, we have all been wasting our time, as there is a previously unmentioned DC10 who is going to save the day by disrupting two classes 15 mins early, and apparently school are on board with this.

I’m out. Trip trap toodle pip.

what does the 10yo have to do with the price of fish?

tis was about collecting the 7yo.

the 10yos class is probably released and allowed to find thir own parents in the playground/meet his brother, the 7yo isnt.

I‘m with you - the previously unmentioned DC10 who can now save the day! Not to mention op could not get into school for ‘personal reasons’ but now can get to reception and the fact that op leaves 15 minutes early with both children when previously didn’t need to leave 15 minutes early. The whole thread has been a drip feed from beginning to end leaving people guessing. The whole thread is just bizarre

Did you not read her reply?
it’s the 10y/o now that will be picking the littlest up, they will be leaving class early everyday to pick the 7 y/o up.

really surprised school agreed to this.
glad its worked out for the op but surprised they agreed to the 10 y/o and 7/ y/o missing 15 minutes every day.
i’d worry op in case the head changes their mind in a few months with this arrangement.

Not bizarre if you have been in that situation.

OP can't pick child up from class/teacher due to disability.

There are 4 children involved.

7 & 10yo in school 12yo picking up the 7yo, and a further dc that the OP has to stay with outside the school.

10yo is yr 6, so likely released and allowed to just go/find parent/walk home.

7yo needs to be handed to/collected by an adult. Previously school was ok letting the 12yo do it.

the 10yo was never part of the equation with picking up the 7yo.

Reading between the lines, the other DC is potentially disabled, and can't be bought onto the school grounds during collection.. my guess is likely autism or some health issue that means the crowds/noise will distress them/cause them problems, and also why the 12yo can't be left to supervise them while OP gets the 7yo.

By agreeing that the 10yo can get the 7yo from class, and both meet OP in reception 15 mins early, it means that OP, and her other DC, are not being subjected to the chaos that is let-out time, either in school, or on the playground, and will be clear of the school and grounds by the time everyone else is let out.

The fact that the school have agreed to this accommodation in the meeting the OP has clearly had today (hence asking for advice this morning) shows the OP's situation warranted some adjustment to help her.

This was something i used to do with my ds who has ASD, he used to arrive 15 mins late, and leave 15 mins early because he couldn't cope with the noise and hubbub, and by default, so did his younger DSis so i could drop/take both at the same time.

There is nothing bizarre or odd about any of it.

Well the only response you will get to this thread is pretty much, why are you incapable of getting out the car and why are you being difficult.

This. Call their bluff.

Sit there in the car in plain sight.
Phone the school reception and say I am right here. I cannot leave the car but A is in my sight ready to walk B to the car.

If they call police or social services in this context they are going to look really silly.

So much misinformation on this thread, no the school cannot prevent this. They would have to involve the police or digital services both of which would tell them not to waste their time.

i agree that if this did come down to SS being called they'd tell the school not to be bloody ridiculous when the OP is literally outside the school, in full view of the staff.

I know the OP has a solution now. But about the posts saying 'have a standoff' etc, I don't think this is helpful advice. Dialogue with the school (as the OP has now done) and using the school policies to come to a sensible solution was always going to be the best way forward. Not wasting the time of the police and social services.

That doesn’t explain why both the 10 and 7 year old are now leaving 15 minutes early when they were both leaving at normal time previously.

You don’t know for sure if her other DC is disabled and you seem to be making a wild guess that the youngest DC has a disability when op hasn’t stated that in any of her posts. Neither has she stated the reason they all of a sudden need to leave early or that it’s to avoid the chaos at home time because op refuses to elaborate. And this is what I mean, everyone has been left guessing!
If op is within such a short distance from the school she can clearly see her 12 year old collect her 7 year old then she must be pretty much near all the home time chaos in the first place.

She claims she has a disability but conveniently drip fed this into the thread rather than state it in her op so again, left many people guessing and unable to help. When they did offer advice op just came back with “it’s not possible because of my situation”.

Now op has conveniently come back to say that she will let everyone “argue amongst themselves” when she started the thread in the first place asking for help but refused to give any information in the first place which the op has caused people to ‘argue amongst themselves’ by guessing why the op needs the help! Now everyone who has tried to help is “arguing amongst themselves” according to op!

I think it's up to the school who they release children to and I think they are right to ensure that the kids aren't being sent away with very young children. Tbh I think 16 is too young.

Well, it's a solution, but not a great one from your kids' POV. I'm surprised that the school are happy to sign off on your kids being hoiked out of lessons early every day. They're missing the social camaraderie of the end-of-school-day with their friends.

Since you are able and happy to collect them early, I'm going to take a wild guess that this is a social anxiety issue, but who knows?

I hope your DC were asked about their roles in the planning of all this. What happens if your son says he doesn't want to leave class early? My 10 year old would really dislike being singled out and made to leave before her friends.

I'm saying all this, while expecting no engagement whatsoever from the OP. I've no idea what the point of the thread was tbh.

it does explain. read again.

if the school won't let the 12yo pick the 7yo up and bring her out to OP outside the school, then the OP needs to go in.

If the disability reason for OP not being able to go in is because the other child with her cannot be exposed to noise/chaos/whatever of school leaving time, or be left with the 12yo while the OP goes in, then the accommodation the school have agreed to is both children can leave 15 mins early so OP can get them all clear of the grounds,

It makes more sense to let both kids go than to leave OP waiting outside the gates for the 10yo having already collected the 7yo.

Ah, that's a different take to mine. I thought it was the OP with the disability.

it could be, but i reasoned out it being the other DC because the OP can go in 15 mins early but can't leave the 12yo supervising the other DC.

I could be wrong, and it could well be the op with the issue, either way, the school think the 15 mins early leave is a reasonable accommodation/adjustment for the OP based on whatever the problem is.

I just know from my experience with a disability meaning school pick up inside the grounds/school at normal time was a non-starter, that 15 mins gives you time to clear the area before the chaos/noise get's overwhelming.