Can school stop this?

[CherryCherri]

My son collects my daughter from school whilst I wait outside with my other child. My son is 12 and my daughter is 7. The school were fine with this as I was waiting just outside and they are aware of this, never been a problem for 2 years. However a new headteacher started last year and suddenly it’s now a problem. Now siblings have to be 16 to collect. I explained my situation and why my son is collecting and that I’m waiting right outside and at no point is he ever expected to bring her home alone, they were ok with this until recently and now it’s a problem again. I’ve repeated again I am just right outside, members of staff can see me and I can see my son the whole time he is in the playground but nope they have refused and said he isn’t allowed to collect her and bring her to me. Now I hear time and time again on here that schools can’t dictate this but can they? They refused to allow my daughter to go with my son the other day so seems the school do have the final say. I’m asking if I insist he collects her can they stop it and I’m guessing all they could do is refer to ss, how would ss view this situation?

If you're right outside- why don't you just go in? I don't understand the point

Not what I’m asking. They know the reason which I don’t want to focus on I’m only asking what’s in my post.

My understanding is that it’s at the school’s discretion when it’s someone under 18. Most schools set an age limit, but it can vary widely.

Why don't you just walk a bit further. Problem solved.

Obvious answer would be for your other child to stay with your son and you to go in / you all to go in.

So it’s is up to the school as time and time again I hear on here that it’s not up to the school and they can’t stop parents deciding.

Again not what I’m asking please stick to the question in the op.

I asked the head if dd 15 could walk ds 7 down to the car. She said no. Yet a girl in dd's class did exactly this. No logic. Year 5 can walk home alone now.. If you have a genuine problem doing it ask that your request be reconsidered...

Yes it's up to the school they are in locoparentis And if the are unhappy with the person who comes to pick up the child then they dont release them.

It’s at school’s discretion if under 18 I believe. As others have said, there’s a very obvious solution.

I’m not sure. Our school stopped allowing it. I know one of the parents was livid, announced very loudly to anyone who’d listen that she would challenge it. I don’t know what happened, but she’s picked her own child up ever since. So I’ve always (possibly wrongly) surmised that the school were within their rights to refuse to let the child go.

Can you make an appointment with the head or head of safeguarding to discuss this and see if a solution can be found?

Schools (in England, not in Scotland) are making their own rules up as they go along. There are no laws about letting children only leave with a parent or a sibling over X number of years. Personally I think they are absolutely barking not letting a 7 year old walk out with a 12 year old but if they are effectively stopping her leaving I'm not sure what you can do about it.

They will just hide behind the catch-all, get out of jail free "safeguarding" card and make you out to be the bad guy for even thinking this is OK.

Meanwhile in Scotland there are thousands of 7 year olds walking home with 11 year olds every day and nobody gives it a second thought.

Difficult to answer if people don’t know why you can’t just do the obvious and bring your other child in.
If reasonable adjustment is required, surely the school would allow your 12 year old to collect?

Thank you, yes this thread is conveniently very different from the usual ones about this where people insist schools don’t make the rules and they can’t stop you now suddenly they do 🤷🏻‍♀️

I am in Scotland and dc1 is 8. Some of the class walk home themselves. Seems madness nit to allow a 7 year old to walk out to a car with an older sibling.

This. Make an appointment asap, if you have personal reasons why you need to wait outside with your other child as you mentioned, then hopefully a formal meeting will sort the situation out once and for all.

It is school's decision yes but at their discretion, so I'd arrange a meeting and explain your circumstances and ask for their support. They may say no if they feel your personal reasons aren't justification enough, depends what it is but if for example it's anything to do with disability, physical or mental health of you or your other child then, you have a good case and school should be supportive.

It’s because you won’t say why you need to wait that you’re getting such a different response. It’s annoying that it’s not helping you get an answer - sorry!

The reasons shouldn’t matter, I’ve been told the parent can override the school even if I didn’t have a reason for it!

Thank you yes there are personal reasons which the school are aware of hence why last head teacher allowed it and was absolutely fine and supportive with it it’s only since the new headteacher has started it’s become a problem.

Also I should add it’s because I don’t want to change the focus I just want to know the answers to my post. It’s never been mentioned in any of the many threads I’ve read about this that parents can override it only if they have a good enough reason.

Can you swap so your 12 yo waits outside with your other child and you collect the 7yo?

It is reasonable for the school not to discharge a seven year old to the care of a twelve year old. They wouldn’t allow a seven year old to walk home alone, I expect (my primary allowed it from year 5, so 9 or 10) and discharging to a 12 year old is pretty much equivalent to discharging without any supervision.

Is there any way you can wait with your other child in a place where your 7-year old’s teacher could see you? Then DC7 is actually being discharged to you (by exchange of waving, say!) and DS12 is just walking with DC7 back to you.

It blows my mind that English schools have managed to utterly convince parents that they have the final say on this sort of thing.