THE ONE THING I ASKED HIM NOT TO DO!!!

[imverynosey]

Soooo angry right now. AIBU?
I asked my partner to watch our 2 month old whilst I went for afternoon tea (first time I'd ever left them alone properly)

I specifically said PLEASE DO NOT FALL ASLEEP WITH HER ON YOU OR NEXT TO YOU ON THE SOFA. He knows how anxious I am about SIDS, he's heard the horror stories. He knows babies have died this way. All day I had a dreadful anxiety that he would do it and woe betide I come in and they are asleep next to each other on the sofa!!! I'm so angry my wishes have yet again being DISRESPECTED AND IGNORED !!!!!

Might I add he was in such a deep sleep he didn't hear me come in!!!! He's the most deep sleeper doesn't hear the door doesn't hear his phone!!!!

That would worry me horribly. Does he not want to be left with the baby? Or is he just incompetent?

Now you know that he can't be trusted with the baby. Poor you.

You're not overreacting. This is a non-negotiable.

Completely normal reaction on your part.

You are not overreacting in any way. This is how babies are killed. Co-sleeping on a sofa is so, so dangerous.

This is just ridiculous, but you simply can't trust your husband to keep your baby safe.

I would normally say that a parent should be allowed to get on with caring for a baby in whatever way they see fit but this crosses the line. I totally understand your rage. He needs to get on the same page as you and set out why and how he is going to make sure this doesn't happen again.

He could have killed her. This is a red line for me. If he’s anything other than horrified and mortified ans apologetic, he’d be divorced

That wouldn't even be SIDS, he could have smothered the baby.

This is so incredibly dangerous. The absolute worst place to co sleep as babies. If he's feeling sleepy he must must must put the baby in its cot or another safe space.

Also why was he sleeping in the afternoon? That's another red flag. If he can't keep awake then I'd be worried he was drinking heavily or taking drugs around the baby.

LTB

Because he has a 2 month old baby...? But no, drink or drugs is FAR more likely.

Thank you all so much for your support , I honestly am in tears. I am so glad I walked in when I did. He is so fucking blaze about it too , "it's not that deep" and "my eyes were closed for five minutes" my god the rage I feel is insane , again thank you for your support x

Don't get SIDS confused with suffocation.

He would have suffocated the baby through his negligence. That isn't SIDS.

The writing is on the wall here already it seems. You're the default parent and he's the inadequate babysitter. I've been in that dynamic and it doesn't work.

Thank god my darling baby girl is ok

This is what matters the most.

Your partner is an idiot he thinks he has done nothing wrong and will carry on as he has but the risks are so real.

Gawd, that's not good. It's not hard to put the baby down in the correct place? He could still snooze if he needed for a few minutes.
Why did he do it? Oh, we were tired and both fell asleep? You're about 12 odd stone, the baby is what, Less than one stone? I'd not leave them alone with him again or put cameras. Until child is older.

When people Purposely do something that you have implored them not to, it would make me question everything.

Why would someone do the exact opposite of what you have begged them not to. Even if they felt you were unreasonable. What is in soneones nature to do that.

Every fucker I know who has done that has turned out to be quite a dark character in the end. I may be over reacting on that element but trust your instincts on what's happened here.

Suffocation is more of a risk than SIDs I think. Settees are dangerous.

What he's told you is that he can't be trusted and therefore he's now free of solo childcare for a bit. Score for him.

Think I'd send him to his mothers for the night while you're so angry.

have yet again being DISRESPECTED AND IGNORED !!!!!

he does this a lot?

I had a husband like this. Never left him to care for baby after he did something similar. In fact I didn't leave the children in his care until they were secondary school. It wasn't just that he couldn't be trusted, he also couldn't be 'told' anything, and any opinion or request was met with passive aggressive acts to undermine me. I have a theory.....lots of men are like this, and since I'd carried them and birthed them at expense and risk to my body I did have more invested in keeping them alive and fed. Irrespective of supposed equality or arguments around it not being 1950 I was their mother and ultimately I felt obliged to put them first and not his feelings.

The real issue is; if he doesn't listen to a simple request and enjoys disrespecting you, no amount of arguing or reasoning, screaming or pleading will make him suddenly stop, in fact it only reinforces in his mind his right to ignore and disrespect you.

lots of men are like this, and since I'd carried them and birthed them at expense and risk to my body I did have more invested in keeping them alive and fed.

Say what?

This 100%

A reasonable person who has respect towards others would show interest, curiosity, and empathy. Ask questions, may disagree and put forward an alternative but an unreasonable disrespectful undermining misogynist pig will do none of that. They will just ignore any reasonable request and do the very thing that undermines you, just because it undermines you. And when it's at the expense of your child's safety......and they always try to lie to minimise and make you feel unreasonable!

What a twat. This could have ended in disaster. The fact that he doesn't see it and argues the toss means that he can't be left with the baby again. So that sucks all round, doesn't it?

Umm... I think you are all overreacting.