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Original poster

THE ONE THING I ASKED HIM NOT TO DO!!!

398 replies

imverynosey · 10/09/2024 15:25

Soooo angry right now. AIBU?
I asked my partner to watch our 2 month old whilst I went for afternoon tea (first time I'd ever left them alone properly)

I specifically said PLEASE DO NOT FALL ASLEEP WITH HER ON YOU OR NEXT TO YOU ON THE SOFA. He knows how anxious I am about SIDS, he's heard the horror stories. He knows babies have died this way. All day I had a dreadful anxiety that he would do it and woe betide I come in and they are asleep next to each other on the sofa!!! I'm so angry my wishes have yet again being DISRESPECTED AND IGNORED !!!!!

OP posts:
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Starlight7080 · 10/09/2024 16:37

What did he say ?. Its a simple thing not to do. Do you have a moses basket downstairs he could have out the baby in to sleep?
For people saying it's an overreaction. Then you obviously have not researched this enough.
I know someone who fell asleep in bed with her daughter and suffocated her .

Original poster
imverynosey · 10/09/2024 16:37

coxesorangepippin · 10/09/2024 16:12

Is he the dad or a new partner?

He's clearly not prioritizing the child

He is the dad x

OP posts:
meteow · 10/09/2024 16:37

@Aliceisagooddog oh god I hope you don't have a baby

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spiderdave · 10/09/2024 16:38

MustyDooDah · 10/09/2024 16:32

Is he trying to establish himself and incompetent and untrustworthy so that he doesn’t have to pull his weight?

This was my first thought too. Been there, done that.

Original poster
imverynosey · 10/09/2024 16:40

TheCultureHusks · 10/09/2024 16:23

OP show him this thread.

then show him the door. There’s no point, none at all.

Do you know what,? I will x

OP posts:
teatoast8 · 10/09/2024 16:44

What an arsehole. He should have put the baby somewhere safe or at least co slept in a bed

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 10/09/2024 16:44

Stay calm op and don't make any rash decisions. You know you can't trust him to look after her properly now. But you've literally just given birth 8 weeks ago- you don't need any more upheaval. Play the long game? Unless he's a totally useless waste of space who is adding nothing to your life and just creating extra housework.
Have you got trusted family members who can help with childcare?

ActualChips · 10/09/2024 16:44

If the man doesn't care about massively risking the infants life, he's not going to care about internet comments.

Dinoswearunderpants · 10/09/2024 16:45

I also disagree with sleeping with babies but surely he did not intentionally do this. Mistakes happen, especially if you're both sleep deprived.

I can understand your upset but I do think you're being a bit OTT. Again, I completely agree you shouldn't sleep with babies but I'd be curious to know whether this was a simple mistake or does he think differently to the sleeping arrangements.

ManhattanPopcorn · 10/09/2024 16:45

It's not about following your wishes. He doesn't have to follow your wishes. It's about being responsible. He was incredibly irresponsible.

CheeseyOnionPie · 10/09/2024 16:46

I’m so glad your baby girl is ok! You can’t trust him again unfortunately. I don’t understand how he could even have risked it, normal dads want to protect their baby at all costs.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 10/09/2024 16:48

whydididothatagain · 10/09/2024 15:39

Also why was he sleeping in the afternoon? That's another red flag. If he can't keep awake then I'd be worried he was drinking heavily or taking drugs around the baby.

Ok, I'd have been mad about the asleep on the sofa with the baby.

But do you not remember the exhaustion that comes with new babies? My DH was involved in the night wake ups and working full time at 2 months. Why he was asleep isn't the issue. Where is.

Pantaloons99 · 10/09/2024 16:48

@KeebabSpider yes you've articulated it well. It's almost like gaslighting. I had a family member continually doing the opposite of everything I asked and then gaslighting me over it to the extent I questioned my own sanity! We're now virtually no contact; sociopathic.

OP is it possible he was actually pretending to be asleep? You now won't ever want to go out again on your own and do anything because of this. Pretty sure he knows that. Imagine he will gaslight you over that. I wonder how many guys purposely fail a task then gaslight you in order to maintain control ( e.g you won't go out with your mates again!)

I may be massively over reacting not knowing the specifics of your situation. It sounds like he has form for this sort of thing though. Dick.

Original poster
imverynosey · 10/09/2024 16:48

I have told him genuine stories even the nurse at her check up said a suffocated baby came into a&e last week. I cannot believe this. He has work tonight and I've said I want him to go back to his mums in the morning. He needs to fully understand the severity of what has just happened.

So he acted like he had not done wrong initially, saying "it was just for two minutes in so tired" he said "it's not that deep" as I was crying my eyes out. He eventually said sorry and that he was really tired, that he understands and will not do it again.

Yes there's a Moses basket down here and he said "every time I put her down she screamed"
What so you just risk her life instead? He's a spoilt man child and I am so so angry and disappointed at his irresponsible behaviour. This comes on the back of him coming in drunk from pub on Sunday just gone, and saying he was "alright to look after her" whilst I popped to shop. SMELLING of alcohol. Needless to say I did NOT leave her in his care. I'm starting to immensely dislike him.

OP posts:
Gardendiary · 10/09/2024 16:49

Todaypicard · 10/09/2024 15:33

He could have killed her. This is a red line for me. If he’s anything other than horrified and mortified ans apologetic, he’d be divorced

I agree. My sister died of SIDS. This would be the reddest of red lines for me. Anything less than desperately sorry and adamant never to do it again would be a deal breaker and even then I would have trust issues.

hot2trotter · 10/09/2024 16:51

TheCultureHusks · 10/09/2024 16:23

OP show him this thread.

then show him the door. There’s no point, none at all.

Oh yeah, so they seperate, then he gets unsupervised access to the baby? Mum won't be there then. I don't see how that solves anything.

LovelyDaaling · 10/09/2024 16:51

Mothers have instincts for a reason, you are absolutely right to be fuming. Him not accepting what he did was wrong just makes it worse.

Original poster
imverynosey · 10/09/2024 16:51

Pantaloons99 · 10/09/2024 15:53

When people Purposely do something that you have implored them not to, it would make me question everything.

Why would someone do the exact opposite of what you have begged them not to. Even if they felt you were unreasonable. What is in soneones nature to do that.

Every fucker I know who has done that has turned out to be quite a dark character in the end. I may be over reacting on that element but trust your instincts on what's happened here.

Yes.. this. He didn't even cuddle me when I was in tears. I told him earlier before I went out that I felt dizzy very dizzy. He ignored me twice , didn't even ask if I was ok or going to be ok to drive.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/09/2024 16:52

Was it an unplanned pregnancy
did he not actually want a baby

he has done a good job today, as he will never be left with baby again in his life, will he

Well done MrImverynosey Father of the year award (for today anyway) goes to you

Original poster
imverynosey · 10/09/2024 16:52

BobbyBiscuits · 10/09/2024 15:50

Gawd, that's not good. It's not hard to put the baby down in the correct place? He could still snooze if he needed for a few minutes.
Why did he do it? Oh, we were tired and both fell asleep? You're about 12 odd stone, the baby is what, Less than one stone? I'd not leave them alone with him again or put cameras. Until child is older.

I feel safer when his mum has her she is incredibly maternal. I knew all day I felt terribly uneasy about leaving her with him and so so glad I didn't regret it the hard way

OP posts:
Candaceowens · 10/09/2024 16:53

meteow · 10/09/2024 16:37

@Aliceisagooddog oh god I hope you don't have a baby

What a vile and disgusting thing to say.

Original poster
imverynosey · 10/09/2024 16:53

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/09/2024 16:52

Was it an unplanned pregnancy
did he not actually want a baby

he has done a good job today, as he will never be left with baby again in his life, will he

Well done MrImverynosey Father of the year award (for today anyway) goes to you

No she was planned. We lost our previous at 13 weeks and tried again x

OP posts:
Original poster
imverynosey · 10/09/2024 16:55

LovelyDaaling · 10/09/2024 16:51

Mothers have instincts for a reason, you are absolutely right to be fuming. Him not accepting what he did was wrong just makes it worse.

Edited

I absolutely had the mother's instinct today. I had a horrible feeling on my way home. I rushed home and in the door to find my instinct to be right :(

OP posts:
CheeseyOnionPie · 10/09/2024 16:55

You know what, better you came back to find him like that than him doing it half a dozen times and you never knowing. You know now that you can’t leave him alone to look after her so the risk is eliminated. It’s not ideal, but this was a lucky warning.

onwardsup4 · 10/09/2024 16:55

This would piss me off. I mean I've fell asleep briefly on a chair with a newborn out of sheer exhaustion but there's no excuse for lying asleep next to baby on a sofa.