THE ONE THING I ASKED HIM NOT TO DO!!!

[imverynosey]

Soooo angry right now. AIBU?
I asked my partner to watch our 2 month old whilst I went for afternoon tea (first time I'd ever left them alone properly)

I specifically said PLEASE DO NOT FALL ASLEEP WITH HER ON YOU OR NEXT TO YOU ON THE SOFA. He knows how anxious I am about SIDS, he's heard the horror stories. He knows babies have died this way. All day I had a dreadful anxiety that he would do it and woe betide I come in and they are asleep next to each other on the sofa!!! I'm so angry my wishes have yet again being DISRESPECTED AND IGNORED !!!!!

Would you say that if the worst had happened?

I think not.

@TooBigForMyBoots clearly can’t comprehend what I wrote, I’ll not mansplain for you. Literally said that a woman would try and call me out or twist what I type and boom, first reply did exactly that. I couldn’t make this shit up.

When did the op say she was fearful? 😂

The only thing I’m defensive about is dad who’s not here to defend himself against the utter nonsense being spouted here. And yet again I don’t see any advise from you that’s actually constructive to the OP. Offensive? That’s a matter of opinion. When an opinion is given on a subjective matter then there’s always a possibility someone will be offended. You seem more than happy to offend by giving your opinion but won’t take offensive?

The point being, the worst didn’t happen- therefore overreacting.

But it didn’t?

It’d be like suspecting your partner of having an affair, and it turns out they weren’t having an affair. Would divorce still be a logical step?

When did the op say she was fearful? 😂

In the post above @40YearOldDad. Her fear is no laughing matter.

Unlike your mom points which are hilarious.😂

Haha, mumsnet is incredible! I think most women at some point fell asleep while feeding or holding a baby - even if just for a second. I did with both of mine, and I know my husband also did by accident. I'm not saying it is ok in any way, but the amount of judgement here is ridiculous.

Yes, you have the right to be angry: you specifically asked him before you went out, and he was alone in the house with her and on the couch. But! He is the father - not allowing him to be alone with the baby and being watched with a camera is shocking - this is how you are planning to live your life in the next 18 years?

I know how worrying SIDS can be. I would suggest getting an owlet sock, which is checking the babies oxygen level and heartbeat. The station and your phone both alarms you if there are any issues with the breathing - even deep sleepers would wake up for that!
I only know about this as my little one has laryngomalacia, and it affected his breathing - thanks to this sock, I can sleep at night.

You need to have some serious conversation with your husband- he needs to understand that your reaction is reasonable- but I don't think the "you can't be trusted" or "I will be watching you on camera" is the way to go.

You’re not content with twisting just my words you’ll do it to the OP also, she never said she was fearful, scared yes, being scared (or fearful) is no laughing matter and I don’t believe I said it was, I was laughing at you, quite literally laughing.

And again I hear nothing from you in the way of advice for this new mom. Maybe you don’t have any? Maybe you are too big for your boots and have nothing to add, just trying, and failing, to chip away at other people.

On a side note, I genuinely hope the OP is feeling better and you have spoken to your husband / partner. I can’t honestly believe he’d ever want to harm your daughter, you’re all okay, physically.

Talk move past this, onto the next one, because there will be more, much bigger, than this in the coming years, cuts, bruises, broken bones, broken hearts, tears etc etc.

I once stayed up all night watching my son breath because I was convinced that if I went to sleep something terrible would happen, literally watched him and the sun rise together. You can’t play the worst case over and over in your head you’ll make yourself ill.

Didn't twist the OP's words. I used a synonym. I didn't twist your words either @40YearOldDad. Nor did I put them in your mouth. I quoted you directly.

Not allowing him to be alone with the baby and being watched with a camera is shocking
the next 18 years

What???????
18 years????
What a weird thing to suggest......

So true, and when those cuts/bruises/broken bones etc happen it will be your partner who will be there to support you/your child, so don’t push him away over a ‘could’ve been’ scenario, have a talk with him explain your fears, calmly and rationally, allow him to build back your trust by being alone with baby for short periods to start (no chance of falling to sleep accidentally) please do not listen to the people on here saying never leave him alone with baby, it is so important that dads and babys get alone bonding time too, and don’t listen to those telling you to leave him over this either (unless of course you truly believe he did it to spite you) which is highly doubtful.
ive lost a baby (born premature) and never needed my OH more, ive also nearly lost another baby at 8 months to pneumonia, and it was OH that helped me through it because he was the only other person on the planet that knew what i was feeling because he was feeling it too xx

@TooBigForMyBoots a direct quote, but not a direct reply to my quote? I’ll say it again, no harm was done, in the context that the baby didn’t come to any harm, you quoted me directly then referenced mental harm taking my quote out of context. It would be funny but it was the first thing I said someone would do. And I’m almost sure you only have issue because I’m a man, (or am I?) commenting, sticking up for someone who’s not here to defend himself over something that hundreds of people do, rightly or wrongly, everyday.

The op said she is scared now to leave baby even with the MIL, being scared is temporary, fear has a more looming property to it than scare, it’s more ominous and permanent. Fits your narrative better.

And agin no words of wisdom for this new mom?

WHAT...Why was he sleeping in the afternoon? Drink or drugs.. How about he was tired, it can happen. Ive fallen asleep in the afternoon does that mean im not to be trusted around my little one.

To be fair the camera suggestion was weird in the first place.

You didnt twist his words you twisted the context of those words. You are being disingenuous because for 14 pages we’re talking about the possible death of a child, then you come along talking about mental harm to the mother and harm to the relationship.

Playing smart but not being clever as far as I can tell. Not a man, but I see right through your need to be right.

Don't nag him. Withdraw your goodwill. Go to your Mum's. Be dignified. Let him think through the consequences of his behaviour and how much he loves you and the baby.

You should read what I wrote more carefully.
I think it's bizarre that people suggesting to op to set up a camera to watch her husband while he is with the baby.

One of the hardest parts of the motherhood is that you always think your child is the safest with you. Now op worries about sids. She will worry about choking when it comes to weaning. She will worry about accidents when the baby starts to walk...and so on. The list is endless. We all do this. But if op already decided that the husband and others can't be trusted with their daughter, it will be a very hard time for her- I said the 18 years as mother's always worry about their children- regardless they 2 months old or 18 years old.

The danger of sleeping on the sofa with a baby is not SIDS, it's suffocation. The OP's reaction stems from her partner's selfishness, recklessness and complete disregard of what she asked of him.

I'm at the posters saying no dead baby, no damage done.

This. SIDS should not be confused with smothering/ suffocation. Completely different things. If you don't understand the difference you can't understand the associated risks.

SIDS should not be confused with smothering/ suffocation. Completely different things. If you don't understand the difference you can't understand the associated risks.

This.^^ It's like leaving a baby unattended in a bath. 100% avoidable, reckless and selfish.

@imverynosey you are smart and intuitive. Your fearfulness is real and well founded despite what strangers on the internet say.

Thank you x

It's shocking isn't it. "But it didn't" is not the point here. "But it could have done" is the point

I totally get why you're upset especially when you'd specifically told him not to sleep with her on or next to him. Thinking 'it's not that deep' is a worry as he clearly doesn't understand how dangerous this is. Once you've calmed down have a talk with him & explain it's not you telling him how to parent his child it's you wanting your child to be safe & him not do something that he'll totally regret if there was an accident. Ask him how he'd feel if he'd harmed your little girl or worse. Until he understands & you can hand on your heart say he gets it & you can trust that he won't do it again I'd not be leaving your baby with him unattended.

I wouldn't leave a baby this young, for any length of time, even with the father. Babies are very portable at 2 months, just bring the baby with you next time. The older they get the harder it becomes, especially when they start to settle into a rigid routine when they are older. Enjoy this time, you can literally run and go at anytime without worrying about schedules. Learn from this and perhaps let your husband look after the baby once they are far past the newborn stage.