THE ONE THING I ASKED HIM NOT TO DO!!!

[imverynosey]

Soooo angry right now. AIBU?
I asked my partner to watch our 2 month old whilst I went for afternoon tea (first time I'd ever left them alone properly)

I specifically said PLEASE DO NOT FALL ASLEEP WITH HER ON YOU OR NEXT TO YOU ON THE SOFA. He knows how anxious I am about SIDS, he's heard the horror stories. He knows babies have died this way. All day I had a dreadful anxiety that he would do it and woe betide I come in and they are asleep next to each other on the sofa!!! I'm so angry my wishes have yet again being DISRESPECTED AND IGNORED !!!!!

Its a normal reaction to be upset by the situation, not normal to rage at someone who accidentally fell asleep and then say he is not allowed to be with the baby alone and then to overreact completely by installing cameras

Oh gosh! I'm so glad your baby is ok x

I cannot believe some of the comments on here saying I'm over reacting. There is no such thing as over reacting when it comes to my child's life and safety. wtf ??

But he doesn't sound like he accidentally fell asleep with the baby it sounds like he purposefully put the baby next to him on the sofa so they wouldn't cry in their moses basket and wake him up whilst he was having a nap and after the OP specifically told him NOT to do that.

Thank you. My partner resuscitated him on phone to 999 successfully but it was really scary. He’s actually just starting therapy about the ptsd this week as the referral took ages.

You are not over reacting xx

@theotherfossilsister oh goodness :( bless him. I honestly cannot imagine. I hope he finds some peace . The main thing is your beautiful baby was rescued, that is amazing and I hope doing well now x

Installing cameras to possibly save a baby's life and you think that's an overreaction?

And you think he should be left with the baby again?
Wow!

I'll say one thing, Mumsnet never fails to amaze!

The op could have killed a whole family driving in an unfit state but I hear nothing of this being said.

Dad made a mistake and a lot of ‘women’ in here are not reassuring her or giving any real help, they are slaying a poor guy they don’t know, accusing him of being on drugs, a ‘man child’ and she should not leave him alone with her kid, like he’s some hired fucking help.

‘I'd play the long game and do whatever you need to do to ensure he isn't in sole care of your baby at any point.’

its shit like this why the OP feels so justified in her rage at her partner, yes let’s give him some basic jobs around the house to test him, see if he’s ready to look after your child. Your child not his..

OP you either trust him or you don’t, no in-between. No testing, no stern talking to, he’s not a child.

I know what it like to always be playing out the worst in you mind, catastrophizing, it’s not fun. Please speak to your husband about how you feel, attacking him, even if you’re right, is not a great start to any discussion.

That is not the point. You’ve got people saying he used threatening behaviour toward her a) Op didn’t say that or I missed it totally b) Op said she was in a rage.

No doubt he did the wrong thing. But the assumption it was on purpose and he needs to be punished to the nth degree and the mothers are saints who never made a mistake with their children. Well it’s hysterical and the pile on is pretty weird to view.

You and I know if Op had fallen asleep by accident and came asking if her partner’s ‘rage’ was acceptable. This thread would be calling him all sorts. And telling her to LTB. Because he is dangerous to her and baby.

Actually he sounds like he accidentally slept with the baby whilst trying to soothe her cause she kept crying when he put her down. You all act like you don’t know the warmth of a baby is pretty soothing to the adult too. Why on Earth anyone thinks it’s on purpose is beyond me.

unless Op comes back with the reveal that he did that because he wanted a nap, there is nothing in her Op to suggest that. But the situation is open to interpretation I guess🤷🏾‍♀️. Her initial reaction to the shock makes sense. The rest of it and reaction from most readers on this thread is like watching an episode of Jerry Springer.

Yes it is, he is the babys father not just some babysitter that needs watching, grow up mistakes happen, the baby is fine, could it have possibly gone wrong-yes but why dwell on what ifs you will just drive yourself insane overdramatising things that haven’t even happened.
yes, again he is the babys father, how is he supposed to build trust if he is never aloud alone with the baby again or constantly being watched with THEIR baby, yes believe it or not its HIS baby too, unbelievable how many people on her are referring to the baby as solely the mothers.
There have been 2 women on here that have admitted to falling asleep on the sofa with baby accidentally and literally no one has kicked off at them??? And women think men are sexist- it works both ways.

Don’t leave yr baby with him, u should have taken the baby with u.

Wait who said I was driving!?? @40YearOldDad

You must have had some doubts as you asked the question here; not everyone will agree with you, and that is fine. Not everyone will agree with me, and that's fine. We're here to find a middle ground, but people commenting utter shite are doing nothing for the situation at hand and that, now, your Trust in your husband has been broken.

But if we turned the table around and you fell asleep, even for a minute, in the same situation, and you were to read that your husband was questioning your whole ability to parent into question with strangers advising him to leave you or only let you have your child at supervised times so he could keep an eye on you and your ability to look after his child or worse that you may be on drugs (I mean how fucking ludicrous) or to read that he’d had a stern word with you.
The very same people here would advise you to leave him.

You can’t forever look at what could have happened. Only what has.

My lad fell up a set of outside brick steps when he was about 2 years old, really smashed his face up, split lip, cuts & bruises. It was a bad one. If I’d put him to bed at a normal time, he’d have never done that as he’d have been asleep. Who’s at fault? Should I have forever questioned why he wasn’t asleep.

'I told him earlier before I went out that I felt dizzy very dizzy. He ignored me twice , didn't even ask if I was ok or going to be ok to drive.'

You, this sentence indicates that you were dizzy; you told him this earlier before you went out, and he didn't ask if you were okay to drive - assuming where you went, you drove there, or why would he ask you if you were okay to drive?

OP, I don't want to get into a shit-slinging match with you, and whatever I say, there will always be someone here who tries to twist what I'm saying because I'm a man, and I'm mansplaining stuff to you or I dont understand because I'm not a mom. But I am a parent who's made many mistakes along the way and have seen changes in parenting over the last 20 years.

No one but you knows the ins and outs of your relationship with your husband better than you. He may be a twonk for all I know. But try to look at it from his POV. He's made a mistake; no harm was caused, apologised, but you won't move on. Are you going to hold this against him for the next month or year?

He's made a mistake; no harm was caused, apologised, but you won't move on.

Harm was caused. He wrecked the OP's trust in him. So it is not on the OP to move on, it's up to him to repair the damage he's done.

See the miss quotes already; no physical harm was done; clearly, this mother is going through a rough patch. I've still not seen much in the way of support for her, just puffing up of people's egos. The 'I'd do this, and I'd that' brigade need to move along - you'd do shit.

OP, I genuinely think you need to speak to someone about how you're currently feeling, as flying into a rage over what could have happened and what did happen are very different things. Me being the bastard that I am, I have suggested you speak to your husband in the first instance. It's not all fun and games for new dads. He may not be taking to it as instinctively as you are.

You see, in principle, I agree with you, but I'm afraid I have to disagree with the egotistical advice being offered in the thread. Somehow, this child is only yours, and the dad in this situation should never be trusted again, and you're better of leaving him for this—utter joke. The people posting such shite should be ashamed of themselves - regardless of sex.

I fully support you in being a fair share partner in your relationship, and part of that should be honest, straightforward, and frank discussions. As I have said, only you know your relationship; it's easy to sit and judge from the outside but with everything I have seen here, I feel this new dad is getting the shitty end of the stick.

I lifted that quote directly from your post @40YearOldDad. No misquoting from me.

@TooBigForMyBoots clearly there was - you used my quote as said, but took the correct context away from my quotation and applied your own.

My quote:

He's made a mistake; no harm was caused, apologised, but you won't move on.

All along, the concern has been the baby and what harm could have been caused, which, unless I'm mistaken, was none. so no harm was caused.

Your reaction:

Harm was caused. He wrecked the OP's trust in him. So it is not on the OP to move on, it's up to him to repair the damage he's done.

You're quoting the words 'harm' and applying them to trust/mental harm, which I have never mentioned. You've intently misrepresented my quotation.

Applying your logic, the OP has given the dad the green light to shag the neighbour as she'd prefer that than ever catching him sleeping on the chair again with their baby.

Call me out all you want, but don't put words into my mouth that I never said.

Again, I see no advice for the mom to speak to her husband. It's just someone trying to get cheap points online—congratulations, you have 10 mom points.

Call me out all you want, but don't put words into my mouth that I never said.

But you did say them.🤣🤣🤣

From the first post we knew the child was not physically harmed, no thanks to the dad. The harm done here has been to the relationship. The OP is fearful and no longer trusts him. The only way forward in this relationship is for him to repair that damage.

You seem quite defensive @40YearOldDad. And bit offensive as well. Maybe you need a wee break from the thread.

It's all that mansplaining, it's probably exhausting 😊

Just a joke @40YearOldDad

Watch out @Petitchat, you'll be getting or not getting (I have no idea how the scoring works) mom points.😂

@Petitchat @TooBigForMyBoots you are genuinely being petty now, nothing wrong with spirited debate but calling people out and taking the piss out of them is just uncalled for.