THE ONE THING I ASKED HIM NOT TO DO!!!

[imverynosey]

Soooo angry right now. AIBU?
I asked my partner to watch our 2 month old whilst I went for afternoon tea (first time I'd ever left them alone properly)

I specifically said PLEASE DO NOT FALL ASLEEP WITH HER ON YOU OR NEXT TO YOU ON THE SOFA. He knows how anxious I am about SIDS, he's heard the horror stories. He knows babies have died this way. All day I had a dreadful anxiety that he would do it and woe betide I come in and they are asleep next to each other on the sofa!!! I'm so angry my wishes have yet again being DISRESPECTED AND IGNORED !!!!!

Your baby and the loss of your first pregnancy are more precious to you, than they are to him.

Now you know he doesn't give a shit about you or your baby @imverynosey. I'm so sorry.

Its dominance under a guise. Sorry I couldn't help but quote one of my favourite song lyrics there x

This isn't giving a kid a sausage roll for tea instead of a salad ffs.

This is a baby who is in a dangerous sleeping position with an adult who is in such a deep sleep they don't even wake up when another adult walks into the house.

The baby could very easily have suffocated.

I'm so sorry OP. The fact he dismissed you is awful. My ex used to do all the time, drunk and tried to care for DC. Left front door unlocked on many occasions and even slighlty ajar when he rolled home drunk too. In fact it got so bad I ended up developing terrible anxiety and OCD about DC safety. He either understands it now or he will downplay everything for years. Mine is so far gone he thought driving or looking after DC after taking drugs was ok ( we are broken up at this point) and I had to put safeguarding into place. I hope he wakes up

Don't be so dramatic, God forbid someone to fall asleep.

Agree he has been neglectful in falling asleep with LO on the sofa but not such an issue to fall asleep if baby was in a separate safe location

Exactly this happened to my friend. She came home to find not only had her moronic husband fallen asleep on the sofa with the baby, he had his hand over the baby’s face.

I’ll tell you how this panned out for her - she ended up not being able to trust him with caring for his own children (because of this and other incidents).

It could have, but it didn’t. I don’t know any parents who haven’t made mistakes. There’s the mum who didn’t know her 1yr old had figured out how to undo his car seat straps until after she’d driven for an hour on the motorway. There’s the dad who accidentally didn’t latch a baby gate fully and so baby pulled herself up and it swung open and she rolled down the stairs like a bowling ball - her final fall onto a tile floor broken by the fact the dog was sleeping there and broke her fall. The mum whose umbrella snapped inside out in the wind and in the moment of letting go of her toddlers hand to grapple the umbrella meant he’d run into the road and was almost hit by a car. The dad holding his toddlers hand and the child slips and falls and he pulls to stop him falling on his face and accidentally dislocates the kids shoulder. The grandmother letting a 8mo old have one green pea and then having to do the choke manoeuvre. The mum taking her eyes off her child for one second who decides the next thing to stick in his mouth and chew on is a charging wire….

Mistakes that could cost their life do happen. It’s important to recognise a lucky escape and not be too harsh on yourself or partner. So long as he realises the gravity of his mistake and takes steps to ensure it doesn’t happen again, this isn’t the end of the relationship.

Given that he rolled in a couple of days ago drunk and claiming he was ok to look after the baby when he visibly wasn't....yes. Seriously.

OP I am also 110% in your corner because:

1. Unless he was under the influence then no matter how tired he was it should not have been a problem for him to remain awake and alert for the few hours you were out for afternoon tea. Coffee, red bull and walking around the room all exist for a reason
2. The fact that he was totally blase about it and you had to bring the drama before he even pretended to take it seriously.

Not a responsible parent. I'm sorry OP.

We used to put the moses basket near the sofa or a chair next to it and just gently rub baby's tummy or if it rocks then do that. And yes it may take a while but eventually they settle and get more used to it. Sounds like he couldnt be bothered trying for long .
Its very valid thing for you to be upset about

Or put the pram in the living room push pram back and forth

Mine did this to op. It didn't get better. We're planning to separate. His man child selfish ways and general incompetence have killed our relationship. I'd like to say it was only the once he's put her in danger but he has failed to see very obvious dangers repeatedly to the point I've stayed way longer than I've wanted because he absolutely cannot be trusted.

It's shit. And I mean obvious dangers, letting a 12 month old walk down the stairs unsupervised, trying to put her on a wall to take a photo- that had a sheer drop into the Thames if she fell, letting her crawl up an escalator with long hair. Not noticing she had toddled off and was looking down between two pillars at the side of stairs on at a national trust place. The volunteers at the bottom were aghast. All of these were the ones that slipped through the net while I was helping younger ds. Luckily I always prevented disaster just in time but it is exhausting.

What?! Are you off your rocker?

Exactly, I had a little cot in the living room because that was best way for me too. I was so sleep deprived by two months that it seemed impossible task to breastfeed on sofa, burp, rock to sleep AND then go upstairs to put them down in their big crib without falling asleep myself.

You take steps to avoid the risk of sleeping on the sofa with baby.

Sorry, but I am unsure as to what you have found objectionable in my post. If you could be a little more specific and not resort to simply using a euphemism for calling me crazy, I would be happy to discuss further.

Argh so frustrating and scary. He basically failed at the bare minimum and now you know you can’t trust him, aka aren’t really being supported by him.

OP, listen to Paris Paloma. There is a lot of wisdom in her lyrics. 😀

YANBU to feel let down and furious. It's the dismissing of your feelings that is the troubling thing to my mind. If your partner had been expressly sorry and horrified it would be different. Telling you it's not that deep? That is not the words or actions of a mature father.

He's deliberately sabotaged your afternoon out and he chose to put your daughter at risk.
Can you go anywhere? Can you walk out for a few nights?
You need to nip this in the bud now.
I'd take her to go tomorrow or A&E tonight to get her checked out. And get it on record.

Mistakes do happen but in all of your examples, the parents were trying to protect their child as best they could - using car seats and stair gates, holding hands etc. This is much worse as OP's partner took no steps at all to protect his child. He ignored advice from health professionals, and request from his partner and as a result, purposefully did something extremely risky with a tiny baby. And then showed no remorse when he was caught.
I don't think it is possible to over react to that, tbh.

Having known someone whose baby suffocated this way I’d be horrified. What a cunt

This is so awful OP - your baby could have died from suffocation. I actually know someone this happened to, how can he possibly think this is OK?

@ToBeDetermined

Mistakes when trying to do your best and blatantly doing something life threatening are not the same

My 90 year old Dad enjoys a snooze sometimes in the afternoon.(So do I, his incredibly youthful daughter). Now that you mention it, I expect it's because he's on drugs or drinking heavily.

To be honest, if it were, nowadays he'd probably go up in my estimation.

Stop being such a drama llama.

To be honest we don’t know if he intentionally/purposefully fell asleep. We don’t know if he ignored the advice so much as he didn’t realise the gravity of it.

There is a lot of assuming he did along with extrapolations as to some really hideous, homicidal motives that frankly sound a bit paranoid to me.

Defensiveness is often a knee jerk reaction, when woken up by someone in a rage. Generally remorse comes later when things have calmed down. And he did show remorse:
He eventually said sorry and that he was really tired, that he understands and will not do it again.

Im not defending what he did, I’m merely saying that we cannot assume intentions by actions alone.