Lost school jumper....told no pocket money

[crystalmazelab]

I guess I'm just after a bit of reassurance here...or to be told otherwise maybe! Eldest is 9...had brand new school jumper 3 days....£30. Lost at school. I've said it will now have to be paid for out of their pocket money.
Have I been too harsh? I can't afford to just find the money for a new one - had a set of twins start school last week too and the uniform bill has been horrendous! Divorced and no offer of help financially from their dad towards extra cost of uniforms this month (pays basic CMS)

I just feel a bit guilty ....I think part of it is I feel a bit triggered by her lack of respect/care because her dad was like that. Blase attitude because good old Crystal would just replace it when things broke/needed fixing/got lost as I was the main earner in the marriage and pretty much paid for everything.

I understand OP but as others have said,the cost of buying uniform for twins and having a shit dad are not her fault. Has she lost things before and have you discussed it with her, and warned her what could happen if she isn't more careful? Perhaps pay half this time, so she loses some pocket money but not all. The next time something is lost in this way - assuming she has been careless - you deduct a little more.

With the threat of that consequence having over her she might actually make the effort to go round the school and look for it.

As a form tutor I often get emails from parents up in arms because their child has lost their coat, bag, musical instrument etc and expecting it to be my problem when their child hasn’t even bothered to look for it.

Primary is a bit different. Surely it’s a small enough school that there’s not that many places it could be?

Don’t feel bad! This is good parenting in my
book, nothing to do of being able to afford it or not.
My DC at private school has to contribute towards replacements if it is due to lack of care from him.

Too harsh! It's not her fault the uniform is so expensive! Kids do lose stuff and she will probably find it at school.

It may get handed in, it can take a while for things to get back to their owner. Second hand uniforms are usually after school but we can email the PTA and someone will check their stock and let you know- could this be an option?

At 9 years old I think you are being too harsh

I have threatened my 9 yo with this. Never actually had to carry it out as the missing item has always been found - not by her usually but some kind parent… but I would if I had to.

However, my 9 yo would lose her own head if it wasn’t screwed on. She’s lost at least 4 cardigans for example, also school fleece and various other things. So the threat comes after many many times of losing items rather
than first offence.

I only buy her second hand kit now.

If you can’t make the sales, try putting up a message on the class whatsapp saying you’ll happily buy direct in between sales if anyone has any bits to offload.

Kids need to be warned before getting big consequences like this. If you’ve done it without any warning I think it’s too harsh

I feel your pain OP! We have the same set up at school, expensive, branded clothing with second hand uniform sales that I can never go to. My dd went through 4 jumpers last year from December-June, it's absolutely crippling! My conspiracy last year was that there was no lost property - they just collected them all for the next second hand uniform sale 😂I've been very strict with DD this year that if she loses it, it comes out of her pocket money. They need to learn that money is tangible (and I can't afford it!!)

Too harsh as in too long.
On a second though - it could be stolen. Buy cheap unbranded stuff and if school doesn't like it - kick up a stink about thievery.

@Senparentingwoes

I agree with your conspiracy theory 😂

For the other posters yes she can be careless - it's not the first time - it's more the attitude that I'll just go out and buy the replacement that annoys me - no contriteness or apologies just its gone so what is mum going to do about it in other words when can you get to the shops - not - I'm sorry I'm sure it's at school somewhere - I'll make sure I look Monday and I'll be more careful next time

The lost jumper wouldn't annoy me (DD doesn't really lose stuff anyway) , but that attitude definitely would, and that's what the consequence would be for and I'd make that very clear to her.

I did this with my kids - it focused the mind wonderfully on taking care of their belongings when it was hitting them in their own pocket. It also motivated them to actually properly look for the items in school. I truly believe they never bothered searching properly before I started charging them for replacements. It’s not harsh @crystalmazelab - they have to learn it sometime!

if it was the twins losing their school uniform - which at age 4 let's be honest is going to be inevitable - of course my response wouldn't be the same (they don't get pocket money anyway! I'm just coming out of nearly £3k a month childcare fees!)

This has been pretty cathartic though so Thankyou everyone even those that haven't agreed with how I responded

The consequence isn't that she goes without pocket money for 12 weeks to pay it off though.

The consequence is that she no longer has a nice new jumper but she'll have to go without in the short term and then maybe wear a second hand one as that's all you can afford.

Post on local FB. Ask parents with older children. Ask the PTA or whoever runs the second hand uniform sale. Ask at the office (at my DC's school they would let you take unclaimed lost property in cases like this).

Lame excuse. I'm sure you can contact the seller directly.

Over my dead body would I ever pay £30 for a school jumper - I have 3 kids in primary school who have 5 sets of uniform each.
My eldest has just started secondary school and even his blazer didn't cost that much. Ridiculous.

@Kittybluecat

Lame excuse. I'm sure you can contact the seller directly.

The seller of what? The seller of second hand uniform is the school itself. Parents give the uniform to the school and the school sells it and keeps the money? The donating parent doesn't get the money?

The sales are during school hours and held at the school - I doubt the school will hold anything back for parents who ring in (and why would they they have enough to do then shop on my behalf) when they have a steady customer base who can make the sales in person? And from what I've heard there is never anything left at the end of the sales

@redskydarknight

I wouldn't be so bothered about her going without in the short term if her school didn't insist on branded short sleeve** shirts and not being the winter term . There are no long sleeve options

Honestly, I'd just tell the school that you can't afford a replacement and as you can't attend the 2nd hand sales, ask them to help you find a solution. They probably will, as what's the alternative, that they exclude your daughter because she doesn't have the correct jumper? There's not a chance that will happen, they will find her a jumper from the 2nd hand stock.

So can she wear last year's jumper? It might be a bit small or worn but it will be better than nothing (and another good natural consequence for losing the jumper).

That said, primary schools are often very warm and she may be perfectly fine without a jumper anyway.

Too harsh. Someone could have picked it up and taken it thinking it was theirs. Maybe your child was careless, maybe it was someone else’s mistake.

One tip I would say is always write your child’s first name in the uniform as well as the surname. Then a child may return it to them if it is found. Children often don’t know others’ surnames especially in these days of GDPR (as surnames are avoided where possible on lists etc as they will need shredding.)

There is nobody employed at schools to go around delivering all the jumpers and coats etc that were abandoned during break time etc. They just accumulate in lost property piles, named or not, until someone eventually gets a chance to do something with them at the end of term or the like.

Your child will have to track it down and you could mention to the teacher they will need a chance to do this if they lost property isn’t kept somewhere they readily have access to.

Stitch the label in the bottom hem next time. Doesn't itch then.

@redskydarknight

For being £30 it's barely lasted the year and is pretty much in bits - which will be another conversation I could have with the school about quality of suppliers but honestly they'll just say she hasn't looked after it and I can hardly argue in her defence too much! I'm going to have a look and see if I can patch the worst of the holes using a few u tube videos if her new one can't be found next week

I might darn it with a really offensively bright wool

And I'll see about other labelling options - think I'll go back to the sew in ones - although the thought of doing all the twins again fills me with dread

Who mentioned 10 weeks? You've made that up.

OP if it's one jumper lost you're being OTT but if the child has a general trend of not looking after their property, that's fair enough.

Perhaps don't make them save the full amount for a new one, but certainly make them feel it, the same as you do when you have to replace something. Or if it's their birthday soon, say the lost uniform has to count as one of their gifts.

Hopefully it'll turn up though, or lost property will help.

Maybe another child accidentally picked it up and took it home by mistake?! Check with school

Too harsh in my opinion