Lost school jumper....told no pocket money

[crystalmazelab]

I guess I'm just after a bit of reassurance here...or to be told otherwise maybe! Eldest is 9...had brand new school jumper 3 days....£30. Lost at school. I've said it will now have to be paid for out of their pocket money.
Have I been too harsh? I can't afford to just find the money for a new one - had a set of twins start school last week too and the uniform bill has been horrendous! Divorced and no offer of help financially from their dad towards extra cost of uniforms this month (pays basic CMS)

I just feel a bit guilty ....I think part of it is I feel a bit triggered by her lack of respect/care because her dad was like that. Blase attitude because good old Crystal would just replace it when things broke/needed fixing/got lost as I was the main earner in the marriage and pretty much paid for everything.

Blase with money...loosing stuff...ADHD traits???

My son did this with his trainers. Didn’t put them in his PE bag and left them either in the classroom or cloakroom. They were labelled as I stitched a printed label on the tongue of them plus they were neon yellow. Hard to misplace, or so I thought. We didn’t see them until half term when they amazingly reappeared, label had been removed and they were dirty as hell and stunk. At the time we made our son give us a contribution towards replacing them as he is awful at looking after his things and it’s a huge cost kitting out kids for school. He needed to take some responsibility. It was obvious to us they had been taken and worn by another pupil for 7 weeks.

My eldest lost his pe hoodie. He left it in another classroom and forgot to go back from it. Rather than withdraw his pocket money. I offered 1/2 the cost of the hoodie as a reward if he found it. He’s the worst at looking for stuff so hoped this would spur him on to look properly. It didn’t work it was still no where to be found. But he made the effort to try

You had to promise money in order for your kid to look properly for something HE lost?!?

To be fair I bet 99 percent was unlabelled. Sorry that's too generous, 99.99999999 percent. Possibly more.

No.

Not too harsh at all. I'm a teacher and I find that children barely lift their heads to check if a piece of lost property is theirs when it comes round to the classroom. Being responsible for your own property is such an important lesson in life. Sanctioning her for this will help to nurture her independence. It will pay dividends. Don't let the guilt get to you!

You’ve not done anything wrong. She’s 9. It just hadn’t sunk in yet. She’ll learn the value of money if you teach her by doing things like you are (ie requiring her to pay for the lost jumper, albeit I’d get to buy a.secondhand one rather than full price one). Just don’t spend money on her while she has no pocket money or you’ll undo the message you are trying to send. Your only other issue is if your ex undermines you by giving her the money or buying her things during the process?

I worked in a school and it was astonishing what ended up in lost property. Some VERY expensive coats and trainers - the kids just never bothered to come and look through for it. They'd just do the 'yeah, yeah, I checked, it's not there' and expect it to be replaced. At the end of term every year we'd put all the stuff out on tables so that parents could come and look through it too and reclaim anything their kids had lost, and there was always a room full of parents shouting 'YOU SAID YOU CHECKED LOST PROPERTY!'

Kids quite often can't be bothered to look. It takes important game-playing and eating time.

Ffs!

I would speak to the teacher, see if there is a WhatsApp group for the year group. See if been handed in and if you get it back write her name in perm market inside not just on the label. I would see if they have a second hand one to buy. £30 is excessive for a cardi.

It is worth adding you child might not have lost the jumper but someone deliberately took it or accidentally took it but never returned it. All the uniform that disappears has to go somewhere and sadly sometimes it goes home with another child and they just relabel it and keep it. Alternatively they just don’t care to return or check the labels. My daughter’s bike helmet disappeared from school and mysteriously returned 6 months later, she didn’t lose it as she put it down where she knew it was and it was taken. Clearly 6 months later the family realised it wasn’t theirs and it just appeared back on the shelf.

YADNBU

Did you have it labelled with name?? If not then partly your fault

Seems very harsh. More worrying is you comparing her to your ex in a negative way.

This! She's 9, she'll be feeling terrible, particularly having all of the above projected onto her. She'll have so much pressure and stress on her for a. 9 year old already, this will make her feel worse.

A stop on all pocket money until paid back is crazily harsh for a 9 year old. Please change your mind

No, a typical 9 year old, don't be one of those that labels kids for the teeniest things

I read this too quickly and was about to say “you really do have to label everything if you don’t want it to get lost”…

😂😂

No she definitely isn't and I think it s a bit of a stretch to suggest a label....not all negative personality traits means they are ND

@payens

She has a similar personality to him - not all negative - I married him after all and he was largely a wonderful man for many years - I'm sure lots of us who have kids will say oh so and so is just like their dad / mum / grandparent

Of course

Although I have said previously she once hung her cardigan on the back fence of the playing field and left it there - somehow ended up in the neighbours garden - trust me after a period of time exposed to the elements you'd need a forensic scientist to read the labels

Yes,DD looks nothing like her father,but her 'I'll do it tomorrow,there's no rush.It doesn't matter if it was due yesterday' attitude is 100% dear old dad.

They both respond exactly the same way to losing things too,it drives me mad.

With the number of kids that go undiagnosed, and the time it takes to get looked at, it is worthy of a thought. I don't know your child. From the limited info provided in one single post, and as a parent fighting to get my child support, I see a thread. I wrote a post to trigger the thought, if you consider the thought and think "nah" then that's fine by me. Labels help and labels hinder, depends on context. In my DDs case, a label would help...lots.

Much too harsh. She’s a child.