Lost school jumper....told no pocket money

[crystalmazelab]

I guess I'm just after a bit of reassurance here...or to be told otherwise maybe! Eldest is 9...had brand new school jumper 3 days....£30. Lost at school. I've said it will now have to be paid for out of their pocket money.
Have I been too harsh? I can't afford to just find the money for a new one - had a set of twins start school last week too and the uniform bill has been horrendous! Divorced and no offer of help financially from their dad towards extra cost of uniforms this month (pays basic CMS)

I just feel a bit guilty ....I think part of it is I feel a bit triggered by her lack of respect/care because her dad was like that. Blase attitude because good old Crystal would just replace it when things broke/needed fixing/got lost as I was the main earner in the marriage and pretty much paid for everything.

Failure? Mistake maybe....

And what about Dad failure?

At £2.50 a week she’ll e a long time paying it off! If she does end up not finding it you could always say you’ll pay half but she pays the other half

I always check in the classroom and lost property myself as I don't trust children to carefully look. Do the parents have an app that you can post on at all? Ours is quite good for lost things.

The oldest went through a phase of jumpers disappearing at a ridiculous rate.

Soon stopped that by getting her name machine embroidered in the collar. Bit of faffery involved getting it done but it was virtually impossible to be unpicked.

Get her to have a good look around school. There's always at least five school jumpers and coats dumped on our playground daily. It makes me cringe as a parent because I know how irritating it is. Unfortunately most of them are unnamed so it makes getting it back to the child almost impossible. These are older kids too so I despair. When do they develop the ability to look after their own stuff?!

Not harsh at all. Kids need to learn this lesson and it is a perfect way to let them learn.

@crystalmazelab I haven't read the full thread so forgive me if someone has already suggested this but have you checked your local charity shops for a second hand one.The ones local to me have the branded school jumpers in all year round, people are always donating them when their kids grow out of them.

Just to add check the lost property after a week or so also as ours always takes a while to show up there.

And ask reception for the number/ email for person who does organise the second hand sale. Our school gets loads and the lady who runs it takes the sizes what's needed and has a look through for you. Also goes to get spares frm them for this exact reason!

Was the cardigan labelled? I’ve been quite lucky with my two that they’ve never really lost anything or its quickly come back as I label everything clearly, but I cba to iron or sew so it’s generally with sharpies 😂

try lost property or perhaps see if you can pick them up second hand!

Honestly I think too harsh. My son had a hoodie and he left it outside after games. He asked his form teacher if he could get it and she said no get it at break. By break it had gone and it was never seen again.

kids are kids and can be blasé about things like this. I myself lost a sports top the first time I wore it. I was so worried to tell my mum (no internet on those days- we had to go to not close by shop) that I had no jumper the whole way through winter. I was absolutely freezing.

i would keep checking and speak to the school who should be able to source a replacement for you from the PTA. I’d say you have one more chance and next time they are paying.

9yrs old seems quite little still to be expected to understand the value of money. She didn’t lose it on purpose - she forgot she had put it down and wandered off.

Maybe, if you don’t find it, you could say you’ll pay half each?
At 9 years old, i don’t think many kiddos would remember to go and get it once they had taken it off at break time. Or they would pop back to pick it up at the end of break and someone else had taken it.

Have a chat with her about the step by step way to remember her things.
That way, her 9 yr old memory might not forget next time. Just saying don’t forget your stuff to a child often doesn’t go in.

Too harsh . Massively too harsh . I roll my eyes at soft parents , but this is too far .

Can you ask on parent FB page?

£2.50 a week pocket money will taker up to Christmas to pay off. I think that's far too long.

Perhaps tell her you'll go halves with her, ie no pocket money until half term. 6 weeks without sweets or a comic should be enough to teach the lesson.

But I really hope it turns up in lost property. They usually do.

@Marchingonagain
I know it doesnt sound realistic really! I was planning on just buying a replacement (credit card!) but then not paying the pocket money for a few weeks. Since its not school holidays and we won't be doing much at weekends I doubt she'd notice too much and by half term half is paid off and I'll resinstate pocket money

@Jk987
I guess if it was to say anything in his defence he pays what CMS says he should. He just doesn't have a high paying job and he is oblivious to the cost of things so it wouldn't enter his head to say hey it's September here's some extra for the school uniforms.
I'll ask him but there is such a huge backstory - which is pretty outing - I'll likely get short thrift from him

And no he wasn't like this when we got married at all - wasn't even like this when eldest was born - aside from being bad at budgeting and not having a well paid job but lots of people could say the same! He had what can only be described as a massive mid life crisis hence the end of a very long marriage

😂😂😂😂yes because all us schools have to think about is lost jumpers 🙈it’s the child’s responsibility…tell them to look for it not the school. It will turn up.

It will most likely turn up. I have a 10yo who has AuDHD and is a nightmare for losing stuff. Some of the large, expensive (and in one case, also fluorescent) stuff she has managed to misplace over the last few years makes your DD's jumper look like a very easy mistake equivalent to an earring back. I label everything to within an inch of its life and insist she checks lost property every day until the lost thing shows up/all hope is truly lost. It is very rare to lose something permanently IME, although it has sometimes taken a few weeks or 6 months if it turns out it was lost in her black hole of a bedroom .
I would:

• get DD to check lost property thoroughly every day next week (this is a ball ache for her = a good natural consequence). My DCs would have to do this during break.
• put a message on the class chat group requesting parents keep an eye out
• call school to request an adult checks lost property if still no sign at the end of the week
• if it doesn't turn up, be honest with school about cashflow issues. Request a second hand jumper is put aside/send home and arrange payment however they prefer, although in both DDs' schools this would be handled very sensitively and discretely, and they would give you an unnamed, unclaimed jumper for free. They have a stock for this purpose. Both DCs' schools are willing to put items aside before second hand uniform sales for parents unable to attend (they advertise this), so in future this is worth enquiring about so you can get a spare for use when #1 is off on a magical mystery tour.
• if a second hand purchase is necessary, have DD pay for this. It is a more proportional punishment than the full £30

The key is inconveniencing them IMO. Like a PP, I am often slow to replace things, with a smaller or less ideal stand-in in the meantime. For repeat offences, I sometimes get her to pay a part towards the replacement or the full amount if it is in the 'expensive but affordable to her' category. I might tell her off initially if she has been totally negligent, but after that I leave the daily inconvenience without it drive the point home. She is improving slowly!

I know and I agree with you about soft parenting! - it's such a fine line to tread being too soft or too harsh and without another parent in the house to bounce parenting ideas/decisions off sometimes I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants - especially with the twins! (I do 99% of the parenting - their dad has very limited involvement and no over nights)

But this has been a useful thread for me just to vent and sound off

I'm surprised the kids have let me sit here so long although I suspect the lounge is turned upside down 😂

You are not being unreasonable. Your child needs to learn the value of money, and responsibility, and that includes not forgetting items of clothings! There’s no way I would ever have forgotten an item, as I would have been horrified to have to tell my parents, who would not have been able to afford to replace the item.

Kids do lose things. But I think she should be taught to be more careful with stuff and she won't learn unless there are consequences. Could you cut her pocket money in half maybe instead of none at all?

I would go and buy some cheap unbranded uniform, and send them in on Monday. If the school bring it up, I'd make a huge fuss about that uniform policy. It's ridiculous to expect people to spend that much money on clothes that little children stain, lose and grow out of really quickly. Madness

It was pricey back then I dread to think of it now.
But we had good clean uniforms.
My mother always said I'm not spending out when you will need or grow out of it in a few weeks or months.
Nothing wrong with it nothing to be a shamed of either.
We just ask can we look in lost property for something and that was that pe kits as well.
Every thing was second hand apart from our unders socks and shoes.

Too harsh, especially if this is the first time it has happened. Reasonable to contribute something towards the cost of a new one though e.g one week’s pocket money. And make sure the new one is very clearly labelled.

I don't think too harsh. Good lesson to learn

Could it have been stolen? If it's named and doesn't show up after a few days, that would be my guess.