Lost school jumper....told no pocket money

[crystalmazelab]

I guess I'm just after a bit of reassurance here...or to be told otherwise maybe! Eldest is 9...had brand new school jumper 3 days....£30. Lost at school. I've said it will now have to be paid for out of their pocket money.
Have I been too harsh? I can't afford to just find the money for a new one - had a set of twins start school last week too and the uniform bill has been horrendous! Divorced and no offer of help financially from their dad towards extra cost of uniforms this month (pays basic CMS)

I just feel a bit guilty ....I think part of it is I feel a bit triggered by her lack of respect/care because her dad was like that. Blase attitude because good old Crystal would just replace it when things broke/needed fixing/got lost as I was the main earner in the marriage and pretty much paid for everything.

@MtClair

She definitely knows I don't have the money I used to before her dad left - as rightly or wrongly I've been pretty honest with her. I just don't think she understands the value of money or things or just that I'll sort it

£30 isn't going to come from just anywhere so it's either her pocket money she loses for a few weeks or it comes off her Xmas present budget

Our school will also sort one out for you from the second hand pile if you email/ phone them to ask. I very rarely buy them new now, it seems pointless when they just end up lost etc

I would complain to the HT and governors about the lack of unbranded options - you can't be the only working parent who struggles to access the second hand sales.

It's also not too harsh to deduct pocket money. She's at an age where she can understand the value of money and she's going to secondary in 2 years time. Get her into the habit now. It's only going to get more expensive.

No option for unbranded unfortunately. The cardigan has a very specific colour detail on it which means you have to have the school one and not one from Sainsbury

When you say specific colour detail, do you mean you can buy the basic colour unbranded but it won't have some trim or similar on it?

At a regular primary school? I'd be ignoring that if the branded option was exorbitant which £30 definitely is!

It's not her fault you had twins or her dad is shit with his maintenance though.

I would find it very hard to punish my child for this, because I would have done exactly the same things at 9 years old. I do not buy much new uniform though, I pick it up secondhand through the school PTA, or hand-me-downs from friends. It easy to be relaxed about a school cardigan that cost £1.
I know it's not necessarily teaching them a life lesson, but both of my kids would be gutted to lose something expensive and would try to pay me out their pocket money.

@stripybobblehat

It's relevant in that my uniform bill is high this year and there is no wriggle room for replacing things which she's had 3 days

@DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace

It's a colour I've never seen in the supermarkets and also the trim is a different colour

Of course it's relevant if OP cannot afford to easily replace it

You are very lucky with your £1!

@fedupoftheheatnow

Yes thanks absolutely - I guess I was just giving more context as to why replacing something like that just isn't easily done

I think it’s a fair consequence, or you could dock 50% of pocket money until the £30 is paid back.

And yes, I would make a fuss about not being able to supply with unbranded options to the HT and governors at a state primary!
£30 for a jumper is ridicolous.

The parents who run the second hand sales at our school take specific request as for items for parents who can’t make the in person sales - have you tried asking about that? If it was clearly labelled I would wait a bit longer for it to turn up in lost property.

I think 9 is a bit young for the full sanction. Maybe £10 contribution over a number of weeks’ pocket money?

what I do with ds if he loses something is that we are very very slow to replace it, or it doesn’t get replaced, or it’s replaced with something far inferior (like second hand or not as cool a brand). He’s nearly 16 and slowly the message is getting through and he’s a lot more careful with his stuff, school uniform included.

And FWIW dd is at a private prep school with a fancy bespoke uniform - every their jumpers are less than £30!

I think that it’s fair that a lost item is replaced using her pocket money. If she’s like this in primary school she’ll be 10 times worse in secondary when it’s much harder to get stuff back. Stopping her pocket money also incentivises your dd to check lost property and have a look for the jumper.

@MumChp

I've tried before but the response from the school is that they are following guidelines because they offer iron on badges (for the shirts) and because they offer a second hand sale

But they require a school specific PE shirt as well as the cardigan - can't get unbranded as it's a blend of certain colours (that's £20)

@Twinklefloss

Yes I'lll try this good idea!

Pocket money gets paid on fridays so she has 5 school days to hopefully find it 🤞🏻

Oh poor her. It's not her fault. I get that it's highly annoying that school uniform gets lost, but it's not her fault it cost £30. If it had cost you £1 you wouldn't be annoyed. You can't expect a 9 year old to understand the significance of £30 for a school jumper.
Did you label it so that staff or other parents can see her name and know it belongs to her if it turns up?
It's really annoying and frustrating, but it's really mean to make her pay for it out of her pocket money. Blimey.

There's a possibility it might still be kicking around outside, soaking wet and dirty but retrievable if she spends her playtime looking for it.

I wouldn’t “charge” her more than the cost of a normal school jumper. It’s not her fault you’ve chosen a school with crazy expensive uniform.

I’d also be sending her in with an unbranded cardigan as close as possible to the school colours. If you can’t afford a new one and there is no second hand option what else can the school expect?

I agree with this. It's not your child's fault that the school you chose has frankly ridiculous uniform policies and that jumpers cost £30.

She is 9 and whilst it's obviously a good life skill to encourage her to look after her things it's pretty unfair to punish her because she did something all children do.

At least give her until Wednesday to find it! If she lost on only yesterday, then she's not exactly had any time to look for it has she?

Does she even need the cardigan?

I'd say replace with 2nd hand (put a message on local facebook or ask around). Unless your DC gets a lot of pocket money (in which case, I'd question why if money is tight) then £30 is a huge amount to find for a 9 year old.

£30 for a school jumper is ridiculous. I would make a formal complaint that the school is not adhering to statutory government guidance.The colour alone makes things difficult for parents.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/cost-of-school-uniforms/cost-of-school-uniforms