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Original poster

Lost school jumper....told no pocket money

272 replies

crystalmazelab · 07/09/2024 16:50

I guess I'm just after a bit of reassurance here...or to be told otherwise maybe! Eldest is 9...had brand new school jumper 3 days....£30. Lost at school. I've said it will now have to be paid for out of their pocket money.
Have I been too harsh? I can't afford to just find the money for a new one - had a set of twins start school last week too and the uniform bill has been horrendous! Divorced and no offer of help financially from their dad towards extra cost of uniforms this month (pays basic CMS)

I just feel a bit guilty ....I think part of it is I feel a bit triggered by her lack of respect/care because her dad was like that. Blase attitude because good old Crystal would just replace it when things broke/needed fixing/got lost as I was the main earner in the marriage and pretty much paid for everything.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 07/09/2024 18:18

Honestly at this age my mom would have let me freeze if I lost a thirty quid jumper growing up I had two working parents earning well my mom was not generous with money and the school had to step in several times over my school uniform being inappropriate (too tight when I was developing and she refused to buy me a bra too) or the time when I tried to wash my uniform because she didn't (my dad was at work too so i couldn't ask him) and I accidentally dyed my shirt she sent me to school in a dyed shirt one skirt on repeat and told them I needed to learn how to use the washing machine

NowImNotDoingIt · 07/09/2024 18:18

GermanBite · 07/09/2024 18:13

@NowImNotDoingIt

How do you know that? My son lost one jumper last year, I didn't punish him and he didn't lose any other things or destroy clothes in the way you mention.

I've taught him to respect his clothes and the school does the same. It's not about punishment.

That's why I asked OP if her DD has form for losing things and not caring about it.

Some kids only learn the hard way.

There is a difference between a kid who loses something once in a blue moon and the frequent flyers. When it's the 5th jumper in a month, it becomes (or should become) a big deal, especially when the parents think it's worth shouting. They just do it at me instead of their kid.

Latest one was why didn't I climb on the roof of the school to retrieve the shoes their kid threw up there.🙄

Original poster
crystalmazelab · 07/09/2024 18:21

I have no doubt it will most likely turn up in the next few days and the "punishment" will not be enacted - I just figured at least the threat of it would be more of an incentive

OP posts:

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9 year olds Families
shuffleofftobuffalo · 07/09/2024 18:22

My DD can be a bit blasé about losing things, she’d also not tell me for ages so the opportunity to get it back would be long gone (eg one ballet shoe left at a class venue not usually used by the dance school…).

in the end I said I wasn’t going to replace things, but the turning point was when she lost her house keys, didn’t tell me. So I said she would have to pay for the new set if they weren’t found within the week. Looked up the price so she’d know what I’d be taking from her savings.

That set her off on the biggest key hunt ever, she found them at school in the end in a pen pot! She was 10. She’s looked after things better since then. I think there does come a point where they need to understand and feel the impact of their actions.

Original poster
crystalmazelab · 07/09/2024 18:24

It's not the first time but I've generally took it on the chin because it was the end of the year or term - like heading into summer term when she isn't going to wear it much anyway or when she wrecked her school shoes in July playing some silly game in the playground! but honestly her only having it 3 days

It's not so much form for losing things it's form for not taking care generally

OP posts:
FeedingThem · 07/09/2024 18:26

stripybobblehat · 07/09/2024 17:21

had a set of twins start school last week too and the uniform bill has been horrendous! Divorced and no offer of help financially from their dad towards extra cost of uniforms this month (pays basic CMS)

This is/should be completely irrelevant to the sanction imposed on your 9 year old.

In theory, but the reality is op doesn't have a spare £30. So should she not eat for a week to pay for it or stop the pocket money? Even if this were say a washing machine that broke, if op cannot afford that AND pocket money, the pocket money stops. Fra.e it to the DD however you want

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 07/09/2024 18:26

What age are children to start learning actions have consequences? Keeping track of your school uniform is pretty basic stuff. She didn't lose a pencil.

If she's old enough to be asking for tat off some website she's old enough to appreciate things cost money.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 07/09/2024 18:27

I'm quite surprised by the amount of people who say it's too harsh.

Money is not an infinite resource for most people and 9 is not too young to learn that

The OP is between a rock and a hard place. A saving has to be made somewhere

ThatsCute · 07/09/2024 18:28

crystalmazelab · 07/09/2024 18:24

It's not the first time but I've generally took it on the chin because it was the end of the year or term - like heading into summer term when she isn't going to wear it much anyway or when she wrecked her school shoes in July playing some silly game in the playground! but honestly her only having it 3 days

It's not so much form for losing things it's form for not taking care generally

Reminds me of when DC and friends used the toe box of their brand new shoes as brakes on the school playground trikes!

Original poster
crystalmazelab · 07/09/2024 18:31

@FoxtrotOscarKindaDay

Yes I agree. Her attitude to money/cost of things is particularly bad hence why I thought this time I would make a stand. She kicked off not so long ago because we were out for the day and all she wanted to do was go to the gift shop at the end and have something bought for her - to the point she ruined the rest of activity with her grumpiness and total disengagement from what we were doing/looking at

OP posts:
Loub1987 · 07/09/2024 18:32

Way too harsh. Losing something is pretty easy. I don’t think it’s healthy to make children worry about such inconsequential thing.

My DH has real issues because his Dad would yell if he spilled anything. Needless to say he is NC now,

Original poster
crystalmazelab · 07/09/2024 18:32

@ThatsCute

Yes that's very similar to what she had been doing ....in shiny patent black shoes! No polishing those scrapes out that's for sure!
Lesson learned there for me though - no shiny school shoes 😂

OP posts:
Dotto · 07/09/2024 18:34

£30... Jesus, no wonder it got nicked lost. She does need to learn a lesson...

Can you ask other parents or on FB if anyone is selling?

yorktown · 07/09/2024 18:34

Jk987 · 07/09/2024 18:17

£30? Why did you spend that when you can get them so much cheaper in supermarkets and on Vinted?

My DS branded uniform is not for sale on Vinted.

Scirocco · 07/09/2024 18:35

Doesn't seem unreasonable to me. 9 years old is old enough to learn actions have consequences and money doesn't grow on trees. In her circumstances, where the family does not have a budget that allows for unlimited replacement of lost items, a natural consequence of losing something for which she was responsible, is that she has to pay for the replacement.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/09/2024 18:37

As your dd doesn’t look after stuff, I would do this. It is the general attitude to her belongings. Not the full amount this time. And warn her next time it will be the full amount docked slowly from her pocket money.

Gazelda · 07/09/2024 18:38

My DD was a terror for losing things. I simply replaced them at first (from supermarket or second hand) but she wasn't learning a lesson to take care of things.

I tried explaining how much the item cost, that it meant we couldn't afford ice cream that week, that it took me 2.5hrs to earn the money to pay for etc. nothing seemed to sink in.

Eventually, I told her that if she went a full term without losing anything, I'd give her x treat. She managed until a couple of days before end of term. I desperately wanted to giver her the treat, but stood firm. It taught her the lesson!

How much pocket money does she get?

Original poster
crystalmazelab · 07/09/2024 18:39

@Dotto

If it doesn't appear I'll try that - suspect with it being barely a week into the new school year there won't be anything available just yet

And the weather has definitely taken a turn so she'll need something sooner - her school shirts are all short sleeve - another random once since the boys ones are all long sleeve 🤔

That being said she took it off on Friday as it was randomly 26 degrees in the afternoon after peeing down all morning

OP posts:
Jellyslothbridge · 07/09/2024 18:40

Would school allow her to buy from the second hand school supplies if it can't be found (using her pocket money!) money and letter from you giving permission in an envelope.

Original poster
crystalmazelab · 07/09/2024 18:40

@Gazelda

£2.50 per week

No idea if that's the market rate!

OP posts:
MumonabikeE5 · 07/09/2024 18:41

I’ve a 9 yo, and I think loosing jumpers is inevitable .
was it properly labelled? If not this is as much a you failure than a kid failure.

our kids school has a lost property box. And they have second hand uniform on a give what you can basis.
I purchased new in reception, then never again.
we just give it back when it has been grown out of.

Original poster
crystalmazelab · 07/09/2024 18:42

@Jellyslothbridge

I could try. They usually only run the sale once a term and the last one was the week the school broke up in July so I don't think it will have built up that much so soon.

OP posts:
TemuSpecialBuy · 07/09/2024 18:43

Scirocco · 07/09/2024 18:35

Doesn't seem unreasonable to me. 9 years old is old enough to learn actions have consequences and money doesn't grow on trees. In her circumstances, where the family does not have a budget that allows for unlimited replacement of lost items, a natural consequence of losing something for which she was responsible, is that she has to pay for the replacement.

Agree.

theres way too much soft parenting these days.
there are 4 or 5 instances I really remember from being a child where my parents taught me lessons relating to money.

i am excellent with money and budgeting as a result. In fact it’s fairly effortless… I flat shared with a girl whose parents were c suite in finance and she was always broke. She had no clue how to manage money didn’t look after her stuff, bought stuff she didn’t need it was a total headache.

we can always “reward” her with a pocket money bonus end of year if she improves and starts looking after her things.

WimbyAce · 07/09/2024 18:45

I don't think it's too harsh, I'd be fuming. Lost after 3 days! They need to learn.

Original poster
crystalmazelab · 07/09/2024 18:46

@MumonabikeE5

Yes labelled.

The last one she misplaced though she hung on a fence around the playing field - rather than the lockers the school provide It then ended up over the fence in someone's garden took a while to be found - the label was pretty destroyed after that

I also used to sew them on but the label placement irritated her and she would scratch like she had fleas so would cut them out

And the labels in the cardigans are black! So you can't write on them!

I did the stickers this but have found them not that reliable in the past

OP posts:
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