Lost school jumper....told no pocket money

[crystalmazelab]

I guess I'm just after a bit of reassurance here...or to be told otherwise maybe! Eldest is 9...had brand new school jumper 3 days....£30. Lost at school. I've said it will now have to be paid for out of their pocket money.
Have I been too harsh? I can't afford to just find the money for a new one - had a set of twins start school last week too and the uniform bill has been horrendous! Divorced and no offer of help financially from their dad towards extra cost of uniforms this month (pays basic CMS)

I just feel a bit guilty ....I think part of it is I feel a bit triggered by her lack of respect/care because her dad was like that. Blase attitude because good old Crystal would just replace it when things broke/needed fixing/got lost as I was the main earner in the marriage and pretty much paid for everything.

Not good enough. I would challenge it.

Most likely irrelevant to your post op.
But my mum used to write our names in our uniform not on the tag as that can be torn off.
But on the bottom inside with a pen or somewhere in the sleeve.
She done it with all of our uniform even shoes she would write under the sole of the inside.
We would only get new shoes our uniforms came from lost property.
Good wash and named we were good to go.

I think you're being mean. As others have said, it's not her fault you've chosen a school where the uniform policy is ridiculous, nor had twins, nor her dad leaving. What she will do though is start hiding things from you if the punishment far exceeds the crime. (Especially when the "crime" is an accident).

I absolutely agree that she needs to go and look all over at school on Monday. But someone could have taken it. How is that her fault.

In the event of it not being found I'd buy as close a colour as I could unbranded and send her in that and tell the school that is what you're doing.

No not harsh. I was fed up of my DC’s with their couldn't care attitude.

Amazing that once they knew they would have to save to replace their ‘lost’ item, very little was lost or it would quickly turn up. They used their common sense too to go to lost property to find it.

You would be amazed ( or maybe not!) at how much school clothing is ‘abandoned’ . We had to put it all out in the playground, frequently, with a sign to say if it wasn't collected by the end of the day we would sell it or donate it to the local charity shop.

it's not her fault you've chosen a school where the uniform policy is ridiculous, nor had twins,

I didn't research uniform cost of each school before making 5 primary school choices .... didn't realise that was a a thing how silly of me 😳

Also having twins wasn't deliberate either 🤔

Also I didn't predict their dad would leave either

Seems you have a crystal ball that I'm not in possession of so please do let me know where you got yours 😂

It depends on the situation.

If she frequently loses stuff and is careless , can't be bothered to look for it and has an attitude of "meh, mum will replace it". Then yes, I'd make her pay for it. Either in cash or in chores. How else is she supposed to learn the value of money?

If she's generally good with her stuff, tried hard to look for it, apologised and said she'll try again monday/next week , the. i wouldn't.

I didn't say you should have done that but it's true that the fact she's at a school with such ridiculous uniform policies isn't her fault. As the PP said if the jumper could have been brought for a few pounds it wouldn't have crossed your mind to make her pay for it so it seems unfair to do so because it costs £30.

But if expensive uniform is going to mean them losing Christmas gifts, then surely it should have been in consideration. It's not silly. It's just logical.

I think it's too harsh. Even the most careful kids lose stuff and it's not your daughters fault that the school uniform is so expensive.

You can tell I've had experience!!

I don't think it's harsh at all, she is 9 she is old enough to put her jumper in her bag or tie it around her waist/not lose it.
She has a week to find it or she loses her pocket money, pocket money is not a necessity, it will be a good lesson for her to learn and take care of things.

It is either still in the playground handed in or stolen. It isn't lost , you can't punish a child because they left their jumper in school and it was taken.

You're being unfair on her. If she loses things routinely then fine, but you can't make her pay for it just because the school has got a ridiculous uniform.

The problem with schools like this is that parents are much less likely to return someone else's clothes so you're much more likely to not get it back than if it were a £5 supermarket one. This is on the school, not your daughter.

@Procrastinates

Even if it was £15 I likely would have still said she has to replace it. It's hard to say whether I would be so miffed about it had it been a multipack from ASDA for a fiver

But I'm sure she will try and look for it on Monday as I've said I can't magically Up a replacement that quick anyway so this could (probably will) all blow over

Yes this was what I was thinking

Unfortunately being on being own means I have no one to discuss parenting decisions with

I'm usually a confidant parent but second guess myself on this one

A lot of these replies show me why so many kids at my primary school don't give a shit about their jumpers/clothes. They're cheap (as it should be ) and we often find them soaked and abandoned in the playground, the kids refuse to take them back, they drag them in puddles, throw them on the floor , in the muddy grass , throw them in trees etc.

So many time I've looked for jumpers, put them in a kid's bag (because a very pissy parent is asking for it), only to find it again on the floor or balled up in a corner or in the toilets.

What worries me here is how you speak about her. "Just like her dad" " I didn't raise her like that" she is 9 and you are putting a lot of your emotions on her. I would watch out thst this is not something you allow to slip out to her. (I'm aware you may just be wenting here) at 9 they don't have much concept of.money in as far as costs of stuff

I think the punishment is to harsh. Tell her to go look for it on Monday in lost property and also phone the school and ask.

If she forgets to do so then add in punishment I would agree with poster earlier that suggested £10.

The punishment should be the same either way

Exactly, it's clouding her judgement

@NowImNotDoingIt

How exactly have the posts on this thread explained kids having no respect for their clothes?

It is possible to teach your children respect and responsibility without taking money out of their Christmas budget to pay for accidents.

Most adults wouldn't be that hard on themselves about a one off.

My 9yo doesn't ever get any pocket money - I've never thought I was being harsh!

Can you contact anyone on the PTA and ask if they have any secondhand uniform available (explain that you can never make it to the sales at school, and you have limited funds etc) And/or could you put out a plea for secondhand uniform on Facebook?

Good tip, labels, and name tapes, are easy to remove, and I have known parents not above rummaging through the lost property bin to find their kids a better jumper/school fleece that can be “repurposed” , especially at this time of year when many kids have new uniform. Write the name in permanent marker somewhere inside the garment, on linings if a coat, on the waistband if a jumper or cardigan.

No one is saying it is your fault but it shouldnt be affecting how you punish your child

It's not easy to do for most people. Just don't let it affect how you punish her