Nasty comment from friend about my 2yo starting nursery

[Stephanieava]

So my 2yo (2y1m) went for their first taster session at nursery this morning. Was only there for 1 hour

He got there and walked in with such confidence, was happy to go straight up to a table full of other children playing and get stuck in. Also spoke to the nursery teachers straight away. I was SO so proud of him (although i was in bits!)

He’s a very confident little boy, has been at home with me for the past 2 years. I’ve always socialised him very well, we’re around other adults and go to at least one baby / play group every day of the week so he has seen and been used to been around other children

I was speaking to my friend about it and she said ‘oh my god i can’t believe he wasn’t sad leaving you! My little girl wouldn’t let me walk out the door, she loves me too much, our bond is just so strong’

She basically insinuated that her bond with her daughter is stronger than that of me and my son. I was blown away and just made an excuse to leave.

I’ve overthought it since then (im pregnant & very emotional!) and the more ive spoken to others, it seems like their children were upset leaving them too. Now i’m sat here wallowing thinking i’ve done something wrong, how silly! Not that i would want him to be upset, but you know what i mean

Absolutely not. It’s great your little boy is so confident and social! You might find he goes through phases when he does find it harder to separate and that’s normal too

That's a horrible thing for her to say. If your DS was happy to leave you it's because he feels safe and secure and he knows you will be back for him. In fact, you could say he is more well bonded with you.

Ignore, she's just jealous. Sounds like you and your child have a secure attachment and they comfortable around other people. It's nothing to do with how much they love you.

This.

My kids weren’t upset either and I think it just comes down to personality. I’ve seen siblings act totally differently starting nursery, it really isn’t down to what you have and haven’t done or the strength of your bond 🙄 Not surprised you made a swift exit because what do you say to that level of ridiculous martyrdom but you didn’t go on about how confidential he is, and how that’s all because of how well you’ve socialised him did you? Because that might have goaded your friend into a retaliatory remark…

But fantastic that he enjoyed it! And long may it continue! Be warned though that it’s quite common to have no upset the first couple of sessions then they get upset later when it sinks in that it’s a regular thing and the novelty has waned. If that happens then remember it really isn’t a reflection on you, your bond, his confidence or whatever socialisation he’s done before. Just one of those things!

Our DS did exactly like your child.
Our DD was completely different in fact didn't speak to any of the staff for the first term.

Good on your child he knew you were coming back for him so he enjoyed it.

My health visitor told me that them not being upset is actually a sign that they have a very strong emotional bond and secure attachment so they’re not upset because they know you’ll be coming back for them.

Some kids are slow approach, some are fast approach. As the mother of the second type, who didn't even look at me when I dropped her at preschool, she's a delightful teenager now, who is very attached to me.

She's talking bollocks.

He has confidence in his attachment to you! He knows he can walk away and that you will be there later. It's a great thing.

The other mum is basically saying her child is full of anxiety about her mum leaving. I say this as the mum of a 7yo with a LOT of separation anxiety. It's not fun. Enjoy your child's and your independence!

This

Yes, she probably wishes her little one was more like yours.

It can be very hard dealing with a shy clingy child and seeing them upset when you leave them Whilst it is nice to feel wanted you want them to let go for their own good.

All children are different and it's useless to compare, but honestly I'd say your child being confident and feeling free to venture into the unknown like that speaks volumes of how secure and well adjusted he is, which comes from a strong and healthy bond with his caregivers. Quite the opposite of what your friend insinuated! He knows on a deep level that you will always be there, and that him venturing out into the world doesn't mean you're not there with him. That's amazing and speaks to an actual deep bond between you.

My children were all happy and confident at nursery from a very young age. They're now between 27 and 38 and we still have the same string close bond that we did then. She's talking rot!

My oldest was like your little boy. She is calm, confident, social and has a tremendous loving bond with me to this day 27 years later. The younger one is anxious snd a bit too attached to me. Same mother. Same mothering skills. Different children. Different temperaments.

Ughhh hate insentive comments like this and parenting seems full of them. In my experience (2 boys 3 and 6) it doesn't matter how confident they seem they all seem to have a wobble at some point where they don't want to leave you. It's great your little one is confident and enjoyed it. Just see how it's goes- probably be phases of loving it and then wanting to stay at home.

Your friend is a muppet. All kids are different. It’s great your child is confident! And is a super sign they’re well rounded and secure. Equally a child being shy and struggling to settle doesn’t mean they are not securely attached to their parent. They’ve just got different personalities. I don’t get why some people compare children this way. It’s ok for adults to be different…. Why not children. Bizarre.

Also none of this says anything about your bond! Your friend sounds insecure about her own parenting.

Ignore your "friend'. That's exactly what you want for your child, for them to be happy and confident. It doesn't mean they love you any less.

If their bond is so strong why does her daughter feel the need to cling to her mother.

His confidence to walk in happily says that he has a strong bond, has confidence and trust that you’ll return. It’s a really good thing

I can just imagine your frienemy on the first day of school crying and telling her daughter she’s going to miss her so much and generally being a pain in the fucking arse. Your tears are for when they’ve gone.

Shes a cow, distance yourself.

It's fantastic that your son reacted so positively! So many parents would give their right arm to be assured their child felt so in comfortable and confident at nursery.

You are definitely letting the comment effect you more than necessary, but your friend is a bitch for trying to make it a competition. I'd just roll my eyes and move on.

Complete nonsense, both mine went in to nursery and school with no tears and minimal settling in.
All children are different but you should feel pleased that you've raised a confident child who is secure enough with your bond that he knows you're always going to come back.

As a former nursery teacher I salute you for having a happy and secure child. There is no logic to how a child will settle but I know it has nothing to do with bonding or love. She sounds like a nightmare. Lots of parents make settling a child a lot harder than it needs to be and make a real performance of it.

You really don't want a howling child.

Have a google at secure attachment. Accidentally send her the link

My little boy has never been bothered by me leaving. Never been clingy to me.
He couldn't care less at daycare when I leave but his it makes it heaps easier!

However, he is always so happy to see me when I come home / pick him up. Which is lovely.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry. All kids are different and my mum said I was exactly the same.

God my 3 year old runs into nursery and never even says goodbye to me 🤣 and if she’s home she tells me sometimes that it’s a bit boring with me and the baby and her nursery would be more fun cus her friends are there

I’ve been given a hard time for collecting too early as well as she was playing

that makes me feel happy and the guilt of sending her full time is gone as I know how happy she is in there

I agree with what others have said that’s a secure attachment you guys have that he feels so confident that you wouldn’t leave him there - you will always come back!