Nasty comment from friend about my 2yo starting nursery

[Stephanieava]

So my 2yo (2y1m) went for their first taster session at nursery this morning. Was only there for 1 hour

He got there and walked in with such confidence, was happy to go straight up to a table full of other children playing and get stuck in. Also spoke to the nursery teachers straight away. I was SO so proud of him (although i was in bits!)

He’s a very confident little boy, has been at home with me for the past 2 years. I’ve always socialised him very well, we’re around other adults and go to at least one baby / play group every day of the week so he has seen and been used to been around other children

I was speaking to my friend about it and she said ‘oh my god i can’t believe he wasn’t sad leaving you! My little girl wouldn’t let me walk out the door, she loves me too much, our bond is just so strong’

She basically insinuated that her bond with her daughter is stronger than that of me and my son. I was blown away and just made an excuse to leave.

I’ve overthought it since then (im pregnant & very emotional!) and the more ive spoken to others, it seems like their children were upset leaving them too. Now i’m sat here wallowing thinking i’ve done something wrong, how silly! Not that i would want him to be upset, but you know what i mean

Unfortunately you do get this with Mum mates. The undercurrent of comparison and judgement runs deep in some.

It's a shame you didn't stay and tell her how much work you've put into building his confidence and social skills so that he's ore likely to fly when he gets to school.

You're going to get this for many years to come. Best to be ready to defend on the spot as these twats do love to take upset/anger reactions as proof of their bollocks opinions.

Arrange to see her again asap and put her straight, OP!

My daughter was a nightmare when she started nursery, cried at each drop off for literally months (she's 8 and perfectly normal now)

My son, on the other hand, breezes into nursery most days without a second look

I know which is a far more pleasurable parenting experience and which sets you up for a horrific day of guilt and worrying

Some kids are naturally really sociable and confident and some kids aren't. Your friend is silly to suggest this is anything more than personality.

A confident child shows they are secure. Top marks to you for raising a confident, safe and secure child.

People are nasty.

With friends like this who needs enemies?

I’m pleased that your child has a secure enough attachment to confidently leave you and explore, I hope he enjoys nursery and his new group of friends

Pay no attention to this. My DD was only looked after by myself (I worked 3 days) my mother and mother in law until she was 2.5

She was absolutely fine starting nursery and then school. Has never cried being left anywhere. We have a very close bond. Some children are just very confident x

Why would anyone choose for their child to be upset?

Some kids are just very confident (mine were)

Makes life so much easier1

Mine used to cry when I picked them up. A tad embarrassing.
Sounds like you've worked hard to raise a confident independent child.

To which you respond:
"Oh i know, insecure attachments can be a real challenge when children start nursery. I am so pleased Little Timmy feels so secure & confident"

She isn't your friend. That was an utterly ridiculous abs nasty thing for her to say . Every child is different . I'd a child who bawled when I left them at preschool and a child who ran in the door without a backward glance. It's nothing to do with our bond. I've a child starting primary school next week and from chatting to the other parents from her pre school some children are really excited and others not so keen.

She isn't a friend. Absolutely awful. Your son is happy, confident and well adjusted.

I would pay no attention. Mine has had his third settling in session today and he cried as soon as we walked in despite not normally even giving me a backwards glance at toddler groups. I would be very happy yours just trotted off happily. I think her daughter probably would manage without her mum if she was given the chance.

Jealousy. Such an ugly emotion.

You are doing a great job.

My DD is 2y4m and I left her to a toddler group by herself after a year at home with me and she didn't cry/ask for me at all. I think it's a positive thing and that she is securely attached to me knowing I always come back to her. Just ignore your mate.

It's possible she was being tactless/thoughtless rather than vindictive, I think.

But yeah, your kid is fine is obviously a happy, extrovert little boy who knows you wouldn't ever abandon him. Your friend's bond with her child is no better (or worse) than yours - your kids just have very different personalities.

My sister was like your little boy when she was a toddler, whereas I was extremely wary of new people - we were both parented in the same way, but we just have totally different personalities (both as children and as adults).

I think you're over thinking her comment. I would take from it that her child is clingy and difficult and yours is confident and easy going. It's nothing to do with a parental bond. Confident children love their care givers just as much!

Quite opposite to what your friend thinks - your child is secure & confident in their bond with you, knows you will always return for them, this is why he is able to go into nursery & be socially confident.

Different children have different personalities as well. DS1 didn’t like leaving me. He’s almost a teenager and is still a homebody.
DS2 walked into preschool without turning back. And would complain if I ever picked up early.
They have had the same upbringing but are just different people. DS1’s clinginesss wasn’t because we had a special bond or because he was badly parented- he’s a naturally cautious child who likes the familiar. Whereas DS2 is happy to jump off the deep end at the first opportunity.

I'd love for my children to do that. I'm confident we have a strong bond but the way they settle (or don't, in my case) doesn't prove that they love me any more or less.

Consider yourself lucky! 😂

I've got one of each type and have equally strong and loving bonds with both! She sounds a bit er ... inexperienced to me. (Trying to be kind 😄) But if he didn't feel secure and loved I doubt he would have run off to play like that.

My daughter loved nursery from day 1 too. She never cried once. Sometimes on Fridays when she doesn't go to nursery she cries because she wants to go. She loves me and we have an amazing bond she's just a super social little person who likes being with kids her own age. All children are different, and you know your own child the best.

If she says anything similar again I’d say “that’s actually quite worrying and a sign that she’s not secure in her attachment to you.” But just because bitchiness is the only language that she would understand.

DS was quite happy starting nursery. He did go through a phase later on with a few tears which seemed to disappear as soon as he was presented with some toast.

Wasn’t always so happy to see me on pick up if I arrived early and he was playing with a favourite toy/friend.

There was one boy of a similar age to DS who cried at every nursery drop off for 2 years. His younger sister on the other hand waltzed in quite happily on her first day and never looked back! Must have been so hard for his parents.

Kids are kids, no two are the same! Sounds like yours is just a social butterfly. There are downsides to having the opposite! Please don't let such a stupid comment bother you - she was out of order saying it.

Your friend is competitive with you, unfortunately.