She doesn’t have enough pocket money to buy what she wants!

[Noodlenation]

DD7 wants a ridiculously priced doll for £59
She has got £33 pounds in her pocket money jar.
I give her £2 a week and she has a few extra pounds from birthdays and other events..

She wants it now. I said she has to wait until she has accumulated enough.
I have reminded her not to waste on silly things (as she has had more before) because then you end up not having enough to spend on big cool stuff.

question is how do I tackle this. Yes I’ve said no tough, you’ll just have to save but her tolerance is simmering, she’s going to explode and she is hard to handle when she’s like that but I’m firm and stand my ground.

I just want to know what to do. I said to her do some jobs for family and they can pay you what they wish to pay you. I even said save your money and me and dad will buy on your birthday which is a few months away.
she said no.

shes offered countless times to do chores and I can pay her, of course I said no because shes supposed to do them anyway.

so tell me I’m tired. Need a biscuit

If you buy her the doll now, she will know that if she gives you enough grief, you will give in to her demands. These will get bigger and more expensive as she gets older. I still have to remind my DD, that if she keeps spending on lots of small things, she won't have enough for the big things she wants. She is older and can ask for extra shifts at work, but I refuse to make up the difference.

Also, children of that age need toys, they really do.

If you are hard up and really can’t afford it, that can’t be helped. But if it’s on principle… she is your child, she won’t want to play with dolls forever. I love treating the people I care about, adults or children, you can have a nice time together and she has already been saving for what seems like a lifetime to her, on the princely sum of TWO pounds a week with no opportunity to earn more. It all sounds pretty joyless in your home.

I’m all for a bit of delayed gratification but some of these responses are absolutely ridiculous. There are some miserable fuckers on here who would have their kids down the mines if they could 🙄.

Op it’s good to encourage saving but she’s 7 years old and gets £2 per week so would need to save for 30 weeks to get the doll! And only if she spends nothing for all that time. As for extra chores there’s really only so much a 7 yo is capable of doing properly because, well, she’s 7!

I’d tell her that if she reaches X amount AND her behaviour is good/she’s helpful around the house etc, you’ll put the balance to it. Alternatively you could give her the option to have her birthday present early?

My DD is 8 and generally these things are for birthdays or Christmas. However I'd be quite keen for a new toy at the start of the summer when it would hopefully get lots of use. I would make a plan with DD about how she could raise the money more quickly. Maybe I could lend her some but she pays it back. I might also discuss a planned day out e.g. mine really want to go to the trampoline park, which costs about £40 for the 3 of us. I have promised a trip in the summer but have no interest myself. I might discuss whether they would prefer I put the money towards what they wanted to buy instead. My 8yo has a good sense of money already, often asking how much things cost and not wanting to waste money, so I think she could weigh this up and decide. I appreciate this depends on the child though.

Whilst I agree it is an important lesson to learn the value of money, I think it depends a bit on whether an item is affordable with other sacrifices. If I want something e.g. a holiday, I can make choices e.g. save money on going out, not buy any new clothes to add to my budget. I think it can be useful for children to begin to weigh up relative values, so as well as not frittering money away, they learn that £60 buys them a doll OR a cheaper doll and a day out OR 10 trips to swimming etc. (I'm not saying they should pay for the swimming trips, but they understand what you are paying for and a bit about how it compares). My kids will accept that often I won't buy them an ice cream on a day out but will buy a box at Tesco for the same price for example.

It’d take her four weeks to save for a magazine.

If you want to teach her the value of money, at least be reasonable with what you give her.

Get her the doll, she's 7. Don't you ever treat her to anything outside of birthdays and Christmas? She won't want to play with dolls for much longer, embrace it.

My sister was like this when she was little. She still spends money on absolute shit. Don't give into it.

Could she sell old toys on Facebook Marketplace and eBay? With your help of course. Then she can also learn that her money will go much further buying second hand.

There are plenty of Baby Annabelles on Facebook marketplace. Could that be a good compromise?

Personally if you can spare the money I would treat her. It’s the holidays. She’s saved up more than half. She’s 7. Plenty of time for her to learn life lessons.

If you want her to have the doll and she really deserves it, you could do a 'pay match' for the chores she does. E.g. if she separates the laundry for a week for £3, you'll match the £3, so she has £6 towards the doll. It's what my dad used to do with me as a young teen when he could as he was aware I didn't get as much allowance as my friends.

This is actually genius……

I do think that, with birthdays in the Autumn or Winter, the time from Christmas seems an awful long time when you are little! Therefore perhaps some sort of treat in the Summer is appropriate.
On the other hand, a child I knew was very well-behaved and kept out of the way during a house move so his parents surprised him with a small toy as a thank you present afterwards (I think it was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle figure) and he then said weeks later that he wanted another toy because he was good during the move so had to be disabused of the idea of holding people to ransom!

I would tell her that you will put £15 towards the doll.
So that means she only has to save £11 more which won’t take long. She will hopefully learn about compromise.

If she is generally a good girl, buy her the doll. We should give our children unconditional moments of joy. My DD at that same age so badly wanted a iPod and was happy to wait 9 months for her birthday as she already knew we have bought all Christmas presents. My DP goes on a business trip in December and says “don’t kill me, I bought her one in duty free”. We have wrapped it as a table present due to size - table presents are our tradition, last thing to be open and are usually chocolate, hand creams, candles, something small. Anyway, after we opened all main presents, couple of hours later at dinner she opened the iPod. And started to cry, overwhelmed by emotion. It was her first crying from joy, such a grown up emotion that we all started crying. She is 25 now, and we all still remember that moment. My point is - sometimes just treat your loved ones to something special if you can. She will soon grow out of that urge. My DD most loved doll is still in the loft, much cherished and laughed about every now and then. His leg has come off for good, so he is in two pieces now. 😂

Things we do if my 8 year old wants something that’s too expensive:

• extra chores
• extra reading/homework
• look for it on eBay 2nd hand
• understand what she likes about the toy and find an alternative cheaper option that has most of the things she likes

If you just buy the toy you loose the learning purpose of the pocket money.

Well I’m not going to give a 7 year old 50 quid a week! 😂 come on.

bit harsh calling it joyless, she’s in a very loving and caring home with plenty of toys and games thank you
but we still have rules.

This is very true.
But at 7 unless she's actually saving for something get much more could easily just mount up in their piggy bank.

Schools don't have tuck shops any more, kids aren't allowed to wander to the corner shop, so where do they actually spend money?

My 7yo gets £10 a month but never seems to spend it.

7yos generally aren’t very good at delayed gratification but I’d say she’s done brilliantly. I agree with a combination of the others in that I might say you’ve found it discounted but also give her a chance to earn some money/see if grandparents might be persuaded to gift her anything for summer holidays.

Waiting will be a good lesson for her but sometimes so is spending and knowing how it feels for the money to be gone.This summer we’ve given cash direct to my 8y for the various summer fairs she’s been to. It’s been one of the best lessons. First fair she wasted it on a load of tat and then was gutted she couldn’t do more with it. Second fair she started looking properly at prices, thinking about what she really wanted to do and was much happier with how she spent her budget.

That's a really good idea

Sorry I would just buy it for her. She 7 not 17. She's got over half the money. If you can't afford it that's one thing but if you are doing it on principle I think it's a bit mean.

If you don't want to back down and just give in then I would suggest that she can do x,y and z and you'll pay her the difference.

Op i was on your thread the other day

The best gift you could give her would be to leave your horrible husband

I was thinking the same.

There is always going to be a range of opinion around pocket money and buying toys. Just the same as there’s a range of opinion around consumerism, materialism and spoiling children. Do what works for you as a family, as long as there’s stability and love in your household, your DD will be absolutely fine.

I do think it can be hard on kids who have birthdays close to Christmas. December to November is a long wait and very different to a child who is maybe a June or July birthday. I'd put it to her that she can have x towards it now but it means she gets that much less on her birthday. Sticking to a deal is also a life lesson.

At that age my DS saved all his pocket money, birthday money etc to buy a Hot Wheels Ultimate Garage all £100+ worth. He decided that’s what he wanted to do with his pocket money. Once he was within £10 of the cost I gave him a household chore (not one of his usual chores) and he “earned” the balance.

Two years later he saved up to buy a VR headset (£300), and again when he was within striking distance I gave him a chore to earn the rest. He found it very hard going but was also determined to do it, he played with that garage for ages and his VR is one of his most treasured possessions. It’s worth instilling the benefit of delayed gratitude.

I’d be more concerned that you’re worried she’ll explode and be hard to handle. If you think she’s going to tantrum you either need clear consequences for that behaviour, or head it off at the pass by having a strategy to do whatever about the doll. I’d most likely make her earn a bit more money to make up the cost so she then has a choice to wait, or do some chores to bring it forward. In saying that my DS at 8 was getting £5 a week, £2 will take forever to save up for anything.