She doesn’t have enough pocket money to buy what she wants!

[Noodlenation]

DD7 wants a ridiculously priced doll for £59
She has got £33 pounds in her pocket money jar.
I give her £2 a week and she has a few extra pounds from birthdays and other events..

She wants it now. I said she has to wait until she has accumulated enough.
I have reminded her not to waste on silly things (as she has had more before) because then you end up not having enough to spend on big cool stuff.

question is how do I tackle this. Yes I’ve said no tough, you’ll just have to save but her tolerance is simmering, she’s going to explode and she is hard to handle when she’s like that but I’m firm and stand my ground.

I just want to know what to do. I said to her do some jobs for family and they can pay you what they wish to pay you. I even said save your money and me and dad will buy on your birthday which is a few months away.
she said no.

shes offered countless times to do chores and I can pay her, of course I said no because shes supposed to do them anyway.

so tell me I’m tired. Need a biscuit

You don't get points for trying to shove in "people are suffering" you know. Jesus. We know. We all know.

Yes to this.

Maybe it is time for her to learn about interest rates and credit agreements.

You offer to loan her £26.00 + £4 for the loan and take it off her pocket money at £1 a week. So that's £1 for 30 weeks so she will still be paying you back in to next year.

Or she can save £2 a week for 13 weeks.

@VJBR I wouldn't say that's a lot, that seems quite reasonable for their age and wouldn't take too long. By 3 they can start doing tiny jobs like their own clothes in the draw, make the bed, toys away. It makes them feel important and confident!

The problem with saving for high value items is kids pocket money generally isn't high enough to make it feel achievable in a reasonable timeframe. For example, if your dd gets £5 pocket money a month, she has to save everything for a whole year to get that doll. Yes, you might not think the doll is worth it but she does. And she has saved more than half the money right now.

If you have it within your budget, I would put the extra to it in return for a few extra jobs being done first - with a chart so she can see how close she is to her goal to avoid pestering.

If you don't, it's ok to tell her she either keeps saving or waits for her birthday. It's ok to say no. It's a hard lesson so young but Kids need to learn they can't always have everything the instant they want it, and sometimes parents can't just magic up a spare twenty plus pounds.

Sometimes it can help to tell them what else you can do with the money they want. With mine it was X amount towards their goal or X amount to spend on a planned day out, keeping what they didn't spend. It helped them learn to budget their money on those fun days at the beach with arcades, sweets, ice creams. And often still some money for their savings.

When mine were young, I’d find them okay and more patient if I/DH purchased the item (with them present), took it home, put it away and they had to keep saving and give us the money. For some reason it took away the fear the shop would sell out, they would never get one, they couldn’t save in time etc.

Obviously when they were older, then it’s life’s rules and if they didn’t have the money too bad, they need to wait until they do as they need to transition into ‘real life’.

😆

Fuck all, by the sounds of it!

Plenty of time for a spoilt brat to turn into a hideous teen as well.

She is raising her kids well by the sound of it.

Place of fear? Not giving in to the demands of a child? Ridiculous.

If she REALLY wants it (and she's not in a pattern of doing this with every second thing she sees), I'd consider buying it. As kids we often had to wait for a birthday or Christmas for things but I still remember, as an adult, the times my Mum got me something special/ expensive outside those occasions.

Has everybody got mad paying children for doing chores in their own home? What next? Paying for eating food? For pushing a chair in after getting up? How strange it is to monetise normal, everyday activity. When did money creep into family relationships? What an odd concept. How does it work in the future? Mummy, you babysit my children and I shall pay you?

I have been known to give my daughter a loan in the past. "You can have it but you'll be paying it off for x months and what if you want something else?"

I've also made her work over time with chores that aren't normal and I've offered incentives - "do this for a x length of time and you'll get a bonus".

Yes I’ve said no tough, you’ll just have to save but her tolerance is simmering, she’s going to explode and she is hard to handle when she’s like that but I’m firm and stand my ground.

Stand strong! This would get her nowhere with me. November isn’t far away, good things come to those who wait.

Honestly, if you can I'd get her it as a "holiday" treat. At 7 she's not really old enough to be doing extra jobs etc. Loads of time when she's older for earning money! Or is there not some kind grandparents who can chip in for it.......

OP - as PP suggest I would give her an opportunity to earn more money through additional chores. It’s an important life lesson and she’ll value the doll more knowing how hard she worked for it. At this stage “caving” and just buying it will send confusing mixed messages and undermine the bigger (important) lesson you sought to instill in the first place.

As an aside and not the point of this thread, but @JoanCollected - your approach is similar to mine and common in the country I live (not UK). Your children sound well adjusted and you are probably less ragged and stressed having to take sole responsibility for running the house. Over here, the philosophy and culture is that we all live in the house so all have responsibility to respect and maintain it. Children are given age appropriate, regular tasks and responsibilities from 2 years. For example my 6 year old is responsible for washing the dishes after his breakfast and lunch (mostly his and sister’s plastic plates and cups), my 3 year old for feeding the dog and changing his water bowl twice a day. This in addition to normal housekeeping like tidying their rooms, making their beds, dusting/polishing furniture, cleaning and putting away groceries, helping load, unload and fold laundry etc. These tasks are not considered chores but normal housekeeping that is a common responsibility so is unpaid. During holidays they are usually assigned additional responsibilities as they have more time, which also helps keep them busy for an extra hour or so each day.

She said 'no' this time!

Chew the biscuit for a long time.

Your daughter will possibly change her mind before buying something. Be firm or you will make it harder in future to keep to your word.

It is good for DD to save.

Would she be pacified by making a lay-by deal with the toy shop?
The doll is part paid for and stays in shop until she makes the final payment. It means that she still has to wait but the doll is not sold to anyone else in the mean time.

What?
It's not one bit strange. It's very normal and common.
And as for what's next, it tends to stop there 😅

Common? Yes, I agree. Normal? Only if you normalise it.

She should do her usual chores without monetising them. Then think of a list of extra jobs with a reasonable monetary value (ie
£2/£3 for vacuuming the car). Tell her if she does the extra jobs well, with no more complaining or whinging about the doll then you will match whatever she earns, and keep a progress chart.

Draw up the jobs list first or she will be driving you crazy and expecting payment for any little thing (made this mistake with my son). Also if you pay too much they will want to keep it going forever (also our mistake)!

A good aim would be to keep her busy for a couple of weeks earning her money (and behaving well). Then make a big deal of her accomplishment and have a party tea to welcome Annabelle.

If it works well you could keep it up. Annabelle has a loooot of accessories if memory serves?

Good luck x

Jeez, just get her the doll.

I think I would add in the extra amount.

She is 7, and will have paid over half for the doll.

This isn't what I did many years ago when my dd wanted one of those reborn dolls. They were crazy expensive and I didn't buy it for her, telling her to save for it.

She did save. For ages. And when the time came that she had enough money she didn't want the doll anymore. I still feel a bit guilty about it, as she saved for a year. Yes she is great with money now, so that lesson did go down well. But I feel like I took away a year of her childhood that she would have played with that doll.

This was about 15 years ago, and I still think about it. Teach the lessons, but also factor time in.

Easily the most batshit and joyless thing I've ever read on here.