She doesn’t have enough pocket money to buy what she wants!

[Noodlenation]

DD7 wants a ridiculously priced doll for £59
She has got £33 pounds in her pocket money jar.
I give her £2 a week and she has a few extra pounds from birthdays and other events..

She wants it now. I said she has to wait until she has accumulated enough.
I have reminded her not to waste on silly things (as she has had more before) because then you end up not having enough to spend on big cool stuff.

question is how do I tackle this. Yes I’ve said no tough, you’ll just have to save but her tolerance is simmering, she’s going to explode and she is hard to handle when she’s like that but I’m firm and stand my ground.

I just want to know what to do. I said to her do some jobs for family and they can pay you what they wish to pay you. I even said save your money and me and dad will buy on your birthday which is a few months away.
she said no.

shes offered countless times to do chores and I can pay her, of course I said no because shes supposed to do them anyway.

so tell me I’m tired. Need a biscuit

@Laundryliar whilst I agree to a point, 13 weeks is a very long time for a 7 year old.

Your parents were generous. I got 20p a week back then!

It won’t do her any harm to wait until her birthday. Thats what most kids have to do for expensive gifts.
If you cave now, there will just be something else she wants.

Create some chores, let her make and sell things to family. My 7 and 9 year olds LOVE doing this at the moment. It’s good for them to ‘earn’ some money and frustrating for them because they have no means of earning money unless you help them.

oh come on

When DD wanted to buy a specific outfit for her doll I told her to go and look through her toys and see if there were any she had grown out of to sell. She got £10 for selling a few toddler jigsaws and then had enough.

On the subject of chores, anything towards the general running of the house won't ever earn DD money as I want to keep her under the impression that it's a bit of a joint effort. If I have to do everything on my own then I'll never have time to do xyz with her.

Interestingly there's one job DD has said no to doing recently. It's vacuuming the car (the crumbs created by her messy snack-eating). It's the one job I once paid her to do at some point. Won't be doing that again...

I don't understand people mocking the pp whose DC have set tasks. Children get a lot out of the sense of responsibility and the pride of knowing they're doing something well and contributing to a household. It's a positive.

Stay strong OP. You are teaching your daughter a very valuable lesson.

Yes I agree with this. She's only 7 and she has a November birthday. I always used to buy my dc something at the start of the summer hols anyway and she's done brilliantly saving as much as she has.

Definitely go on FB Marketplace. You can pick them up for about £10 and get all the equipment - buggies, beds, etc. for a few pounds.

This. At this age though she may not be into the doll by November girls grow up fast. I would get her the doll for extra jobs..she has done so well saving all that money at 7. Also she would really get loads of play out of it over summer holidays. This time next year she probably will play with dolls a lot less.

She needs to earn the money or save the money she’s given. Do not cave in.

We have a wall chart where I write jobs the kids can do to earn money (odd bits, rather than their normal chores). Each task is written up with detail of the task, the deadline it has to be completed by, the monetary value, and a space for the kids to write their names to claim the task. It’s things like washing the car, valeting the car, weeding behind the trees, washing the windows…

Why the sarcasm? That's not an outrageous number of jobs and all seems age appropriate.

OP, the point here is you seem to be worried about her 'exploding' and wanting to avoid that rather than letting her just save, let her explode, leave her to it, don't engage when she's like that

Pocket money is just for situations like this,learning to save. Give her a few extra jobs but not too many and not too well paid or once she has the doll it'll be on to the next toy.

what?

I mean seriously what is this “very valuable” lesson?

Its the summer holidays
she’s 7
she has done a damn good job of saving

i will never forget that at 11 years old i had saved £42 exactly and i was so proud

i went over to my friends and took my purse and money and lost it (i put it by the swings and then forgot about it. So totally my fault)

i was distraught when i got home and realised

i will never forget going to my bedroom and on my bed was an envelope with £42 i. it from my parents with a note to say “next time don’t be careless because your lovely mum and dad won’t replace it!”

and i didn’t

but i cherish the memory

You said she had saved her birthday money, so she’s been saving since November last year? That’s a very long time for a 7 year old to wait. I’d definitely be finding a way to let her have the doll (finding it in a “sale”, letting her earn the balance with a small chore), while really praising her for saving for so long.

There’s a balance to be struck in holding the idea of saving for what you want while actually knowing the goal is reachable. I’d hate her to get discouraged and think there’s no point because she’ll never get there.

My dc do this kind of thing and I just give them some extra chores to do that day and then we get the item they want . It’s then a combination of them saving their pocket money and also doing a few little jobs for something they want and I like to be flexible for them.

This.

...her tolerance is simmering, she’s going to explode and she is hard to handle when she’s like that but I’m firm and stand my ground.

So stand your ground again.

That is the only way she will learn to manage her feelings and tolerate not being able to get what she wants immediately.

But your description of her sounds like you are rather scared of her big feelings?

Her birthday isn't far away. I would definitely be saving such a large gift for her birthday. I wouldn't just buy such expensive things "just because". It is good for children to learn the value of money but big things for me are Christmas and birthday gifts for a reason. I'm with you and I often say "patience is a virtue" :)

I think I sound like my Mum often 🙈💕

The valuable lesson is that as adults we can save for stuff and for it to take absolutely ages. What do we do when we're halfway there? Keep saving if we really want it, that's what.

She either saves up for it, or waits for her birthday.
Well done OP.

I agree. 7 is so young and the concept of time (waiting till November ) wont quite be there yet so that will feel horrendous to her. There’s definitely an argument not to just give in and get it but I think give her the opportunity to ‘earn’ the difference which I would think teaches a more valuable lesson to work for something you want.

If she nearly there I'd "go halves" or similar. (Unless you are truly struggling for food money etc)

Remember at 7 years old 6months is like a huge chunk of their conscious life and what they want in 6months can be completely different. I get waiting and she's already saved up a lot and if she isn't doing this every week I'd truly find a way to give it to her joyfully rather than begrudgingly.

There should be joy in childhood....

I think these threads tend to attract the competitive misers in a way "punishment" threads get the harsh parents swarming in. I have no idea why.

Problem?

Would it be available second hand? That would make it cheaper.

I’ve gone half and half with my DS before now, but only for something I was sure he’d play with and benefit from.

Her saving for 6months is like us saving for years and years. For a doll.

Saving years for a holiday or a house makes sense but even then most adults on mumsnet don't save years for a holiday or for treats... There is nothing wrong with a child being able to buy a doll..