She doesn’t have enough pocket money to buy what she wants!

[Noodlenation]

DD7 wants a ridiculously priced doll for £59
She has got £33 pounds in her pocket money jar.
I give her £2 a week and she has a few extra pounds from birthdays and other events..

She wants it now. I said she has to wait until she has accumulated enough.
I have reminded her not to waste on silly things (as she has had more before) because then you end up not having enough to spend on big cool stuff.

question is how do I tackle this. Yes I’ve said no tough, you’ll just have to save but her tolerance is simmering, she’s going to explode and she is hard to handle when she’s like that but I’m firm and stand my ground.

I just want to know what to do. I said to her do some jobs for family and they can pay you what they wish to pay you. I even said save your money and me and dad will buy on your birthday which is a few months away.
she said no.

shes offered countless times to do chores and I can pay her, of course I said no because shes supposed to do them anyway.

so tell me I’m tired. Need a biscuit

This just makes me prouder of them. I don’t know why you think children can’t learn tasks if shown. You’re a fool to expect so little of yours. And to not realise the self achievement they feel contributing.

I’d love to do this. I really would.
and I know she’s only 7 but if I got it for her now.
the demand may be higher next time.

Then next time say 'no' 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh buy her the bloody doll for Christ’s sake.

Tone deaf response when people are genuinely struggling and you think £60 on a doll is nothing.

If you give in you won’t be doing her any favours now or further down the line.

DS wanted a stupidly expensive piece of Lego for Christmas once at about age 9 he also wanted some other things some of which he got. He also got some money so I suggested he put that towards it and save up. He expected us to pay the top up. I said no and said if we paid for this we wouldn’t have enough money for you to go to uni so when all your friends are going you won’t be able to
go because you wanted a silly piece of Lego when you were X age. He soon moved on from this is at Uni and very careful with money.

Could you encourage her to raise the money herself? My kids love a good clear out me creating a “shop” outside the house to raise some pocket money.

I give DD her age in pounds per fortnight so you could negotiate the pocket money.

I am the mean mummy who made DD save for things. She is a now a sensible, patient saver. It took years of not cracking.

When my kids really want a new toy, I ask them to go through the toys they don’t play with and we drop them off at a charity shop, or I’ll give it to one of my Mum friends who could do with the help. I get there’s a lesson in patience and waiting for what she wants, but if she’s willing to earn the extra money, I think there’s also value in her experiencing that working hard can get results.

What’s the doll btw? Does it shit money? Bloody better for that price 😂

It’s a flipping Annabelle.
I asked her what’s so special about it. Apparently it moves, wees makes noises.
I just thought ffs.. kids 🤦🏻‍♀️

There's every chance this doll will suddenly become passe and babyish in the extreme by the time her birthday comes around. It seems a lot of money for something I can't imagine she'll love for many years to come.
But if she wants to make money, could she and an older friend or sibling go round the neighbours offering to wash cars? Or downstairs windows? She could practice on yours first if she's not done it before. I know it's quite young so maybe give her a list of approved people she could go and ask?

In seven years from now when she’s spending all of her money on lip balms and body spray, you’ll long for the days she wished for a doll. It’s the summer holidays - if you can afford to make up the difference it would be nice for her to have the doll to play with whilst she’s at home for the next few weeks. She’s done so well saving what she has.

Ebay. My nieces begged for these dolls (5 and 7 at the time), they got them for Christmas. By Easter they were both on Ebay having lost all novelty.

Unclench.

When she gets within £20 of her goal, help her buy the doll.

She has set her heart on the doll. It will take her a long time to save the rest of the money, maybe too long to make a child wait.

Do you want to see her give up in despair?
Do you want to see her give in to the temptation to buy chocolate or something else she fancies, and feel she has failed?
Do you want to see her get to £60 or whatever and decide she doesn't want the doll after all, or find the doll is no longer on the market?

You're teaching her nothing of value by making her save until she has every last penny of the cost of the doll.

It's important to show children that you appreciate their efforts, share their joys, and that you are not the person in their lives they can rely on to piss on their chips.

You will teach her that you have her back if you help her buy the doll.

Really?

That's a very adversarial stance you've taken there.

Don't engage in the trench warfare style of parenting. There is no need for it.

Don't parent from a place of fear.

This.

Be kind, OP.

This. Life is way too short!

I would help her sell stuff towards the difference, keep a chart and then surprise her with the final tenner once she has worked towards it.

I remember my son really wanting the FIFA game one year when it came out and all his mates got it. We used pocket money and he earnt some extra towards it and we helped at the end. He loved that game and got to play it with his mates.

Our DD on the other hand - same thing for one of those hatchimal toys. Played with it for 5 mins and lost interest!

I've got one daughter like that and is still like that- wanting stuff she can't afford ( now 24) and another daughter (18) who saves and never spends her money unnecessarily. I think you can try as much as you like to influence this but in the end it comes from them. You can guess which daughter is now having the best time because she's saved though!

You actually told your then 9 year old that he,m wouldn't be able to go to uni like all his friends if you topped up his money for a piece of lego...? Wow, you sound so much fun...

Your poor 9 year old !

But she's already NOT doing her normal chores?

Ds wanted a new £40 Mario game. I said he needed to do extra jobs. It took him about 6 weeks to save the extra money and then he bought the game. He's 8. I sold it as a positive of rather than wait for Xmas why don't you do xyz.

EBay? If she wants it now, look at second hand.

If you can afford it, give her some additional chores and money for them, I think that’s a better lesson than having to slowly save up £2 a week - inspire her to ambitiously increase her income to get what she wants. Sit down and draw up a plan, current savings, goal amount and the going rate for a range of chores so that she can plan her income boost and purchase date.