She doesn’t have enough pocket money to buy what she wants!

[Noodlenation]

DD7 wants a ridiculously priced doll for £59
She has got £33 pounds in her pocket money jar.
I give her £2 a week and she has a few extra pounds from birthdays and other events..

She wants it now. I said she has to wait until she has accumulated enough.
I have reminded her not to waste on silly things (as she has had more before) because then you end up not having enough to spend on big cool stuff.

question is how do I tackle this. Yes I’ve said no tough, you’ll just have to save but her tolerance is simmering, she’s going to explode and she is hard to handle when she’s like that but I’m firm and stand my ground.

I just want to know what to do. I said to her do some jobs for family and they can pay you what they wish to pay you. I even said save your money and me and dad will buy on your birthday which is a few months away.
she said no.

shes offered countless times to do chores and I can pay her, of course I said no because shes supposed to do them anyway.

so tell me I’m tired. Need a biscuit

damn good point! 😆

In this case, £2 a week would take 7 months to save up for the doll. That is too long for a 7yo to deal with. To her, the £59 doll is a big cool item, and she has already saved for it for 4 months…over half way.

I think you should take her up on her offer to do extra chores to earn extra money. You’re not paying her for the ones she does anyway.

Another solution is to recognise she has been successfully saving all her pocket money for 4 months, and as a reward start to match £2 a week to her £2 to boost her to her savings goal faster.

I think she should be given a bit more pocket money if you can afford it too, £2 a week is too low imho. I’d suggest £3 per school year- so a Year 2 would get £6 per week. The cost of living crisis means that £1 doesn’t buy what it used to.

Nope, it IS normal.
I don't do it in my house but that doesn't mean that it's not normal. It's very normal.

Well, we will remember some things we didn't get as children, and others we won't. We can't buy our DC everything, just incase that's the one thing they'll remember not having.

My own childhood experience was that if i pestered my parents long enough for something - i'd get it eventually. They key was to prove that i actually needed the thing.

But you don’t teach a 7yo ALL the money lessons at once. Managing money, saving, sacrifice, priorities- these are lessons you add on to for years and years. A seven year old only needs to associate savings with reward.

i was spoilt rotten as a child 😆

now a single parent, high earning professional and completely in control of finances and don’t “expect” anything from anyone and substantial savings for my two children’s uni years

I absolutely get them gifts here and there outside of christmas and birthdays just for the hell of it

i would to totallyy do this OP. 7 and she’s done SO well with her savings… what a poppet!

@LynetteScavo

Because then she will realise you can't just have everything you want - some things are really expensive, and you have to make sacrifices for them.

this kind of thought in response to this scenario with this 7 year old child who’s done so well saving… unfathomable to me

do you have children @LynetteScavo ?

I think £6 a week for a 7 year old is a lot of money. As I said earlier what would they spend it on?

Unless your taking them shopping to buy their school snacks or something what would they be spending it on?

Ok Magazines are about a fiver but are are monthly (and they really only want them for the toy) what would they do with the other £18 a month?

Mine are 19 and 24. They loved their baby Annabells. They are in the loft. lol

I think £6 a week for a 7 year old is a lot of money. As I said earlier what would they spend it on?

Depends what are the child's numeracy skills, financial literacy and emotional maturity. £6 a week is a lot to buy sweets in Poundland, but barely enough for an ice cream in town.

She has 6 dolls. Two of them are twins 😂

If her birthday was September I'd say fair enough.
But November is a long way off.

You'll probably use the excuse it's to close to Christmas @Noodlenation for her to get it for her birthday.

Plus she'll be choosing your care home 😂
But her the doll and let her keep her savings.
You never know,she might buy you a little something as a thank you.

Update-

-she’s doing a few jobs for extended family.
-a week to monitor her behaviour

lets see how this goes.

As someone suggested just say it was on sale and I’ll put the rest in but she won’t know this though.
I don’t want her to make a habit of expecting me to cover the rest.

done.

im not giving into anything, I’m just being tactful.

Yes and there is Christmas and birthdays to buy them for them? Kids dont need to be bought new toys all the time?!

the fact that you’ve started this thread and so concerned about her not getting “used” to anything

would indicate that you haven’t done this kind of thing before. Ever before?! and she’s 7

just go for it op

Its bonkers isn't it £24 a month for a 6yr old! A few sweets at £1 or so is surely all they need pocket money for?!
Are people spending every weekend wandering the shops while kids look for tat to spend pocket money on, my kids would rather be at the park

Where on earth do you live that an ice cream costs 6 quid 😂

There's one on eBay for under £30.

I don't suppose she gets everything she wants so probably not a problem.

I'd have bought my DD the doll and she is very sensible with money, saved enough for a deposit for her first house and now she's married with a baby of her own and money in the bank. Maybe that is just her personality and your DD just has her personality and us buying them dolls had nothing to do with it.

@yepyouknow - I have 3 adult DC.

One is very good at saving - left university with a decent amount of money in the bank, despite having the minimum loan and no job (it had been lock down, so little socialising) and two that think think they must spend all their money today because they want to live in the moment. I really wish I had taught them to save, and not just bought them things they wanted, but as @Iwasafool says it's probably just their personalities.

I'm glad your DD is getting the doll OP - I had two older sister, so to me 6 dolls seems very few

The point is to teach them to manage money. So you’d be teaching them how to save, donate and spend a bit. If you only give them spending money, they have none to save or donate.

@SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice my 7yo was getting £15 a month, which I dropped to £10 a month so about £2.50 a week, because they just weren't spending it. It was just sitting on the pocket money card.

They seem to have very little to spend it on, other than the odd pack of trading cards.

When I was little school had a tuck shop and we were allowed to visit local shops at lunchtime.
And their seemed to be more 'pocket money' priced toys about, ie Lego Cars and Sindy clothes.

So there were more choices for little kids to spend or save.

my 7yo was getting £15 a month, which I dropped to £10 a month so about £2.50 a week, because they just weren't spending it. It was just sitting on the pocket money card.

Kids need cash, not cards. So they can actually feel it, count it for real. There are still plenty of pocket money toys or treats around.

Honestly, I am sad that you have come to this conclusion. You don't have to be dishonest with your children rather than continuing to say no. If the worst thing that happens to someone is that they didn't get a (7th) doll, then they had a good childhood.

Most responses on this post (including mine) either saw this as way to moralise teaching her about life or guilting by implying you saying no is somehow unkind.

The fact is you are her parent. You are changing the boundary that you have set because struggling with her behaviour and possibly some guilt. Your daughter chose to covet a doll that is out of her current price range. The only solutions are to get more money, find an alternative or be patient.

The boundary being set is reasonable. As tiresome as her behaviour is now, it will be worse in the future if you continue to move the boundaries to accommodate it.

most people that have replied have made me out like this evil abusive mum that has a ‘joyless’ home. 🙁

anyway I haven’t told her anything yet. I haven’t said anything about the doll to her.

I’ve just said to her if you would like to earn more, then you can do a few odd jobs for your aunts and grandparents. There’s not going to be any more money from me other than the usual £2 on Fridays.

and just said to her I’d like to see an improvement in your behaviour. and just seeing how things go.
That’s all.