She doesn’t have enough pocket money to buy what she wants!

[Noodlenation]

DD7 wants a ridiculously priced doll for £59
She has got £33 pounds in her pocket money jar.
I give her £2 a week and she has a few extra pounds from birthdays and other events..

She wants it now. I said she has to wait until she has accumulated enough.
I have reminded her not to waste on silly things (as she has had more before) because then you end up not having enough to spend on big cool stuff.

question is how do I tackle this. Yes I’ve said no tough, you’ll just have to save but her tolerance is simmering, she’s going to explode and she is hard to handle when she’s like that but I’m firm and stand my ground.

I just want to know what to do. I said to her do some jobs for family and they can pay you what they wish to pay you. I even said save your money and me and dad will buy on your birthday which is a few months away.
she said no.

shes offered countless times to do chores and I can pay her, of course I said no because shes supposed to do them anyway.

so tell me I’m tired. Need a biscuit

I've done a quick search on vinted and you'd get a good one for a tenner. She could also buy some accessories to go with it. And she'll still have money left.Win win!

This! If she was a lovely sweet polite child I would be tempted to find a way to get it ‘as a reward for good school report/summer treat etc but as she is a bit bratty and seems to hold her parents to ransom with her strops, no way. OP sounds terrified of her!

Over dramatic hyperbole. This is not exactly how you end up with screaming, demanding teenagers. There would have to be a lot of areas of bad parenting to get to that situation.

My kids used to get stuff outside of Christmas and birthdays but because they were parented well they didn’t scream and demand stuff as teenagers. In fact when my son (late teens) wanted a new phone he insisted on paying for it himself even though I offered.

My kids earn money weekly by doing things outside of what is expected so expected things are keeping rooms tidy, putting toys away, own washing in basket etc. But they earn a point for every extra thing they do, I count points on Thursdays and they get £1 per point.

This week DS 9 has earned points for helping his sister tidy under her bed (she did not get a point for this), clearing the table after dinner, hanging the washing out and sweeping the kitchen floor.

DD 7 has earned points for helping her sister put away toys (she wasn't playing with them) and feeding the dog.

DD6 earned points for washing up and helping her brother with his new switch game (he has send and struggles with reading so needed her to read it to him)

Some weeks they get an extortionate amount of pocket money other weeks they get a £1 but it's taught them that they have to work for their money and save for things they want.

Hold firm. People who don't learn that they can't have what they want straight away end up becoming adults with crippling debt, terrible financial situations, spending money on frivolities whilst complaining they can't afford their food and bills. It's a hill worth dying on.

My DC's birthday is in September so there's a long stretch of the year with no official present giving opportunities. So our plan for things like that are that he will have to save up for half of whatever he wants and we will pay the rest. And (like an adult!) he’ll have the opportunity to top up his pocket money by taking on extra work if he wants to.

But the key thing is that we'll be giving him reasonable pocket money that he can afford to do that. £2 a week is nothing if you're planning to make them pay for all their toys
outside of birthdays and Christmas.

Yes, they need to learn that they need to save for things they want. But you're not teaching them the value of money if you're artificially making it harder than it would be for an adult to save for something mid-range that they want. £59 for a doll isn't the equivalent of a designer handbag or a car. So it shouldn't take her almost 8 months to be able to save up for!

Children never forget when you give into them or are inconsistent. Nothing you are doing is unreasonable.

Why don’t you make a good behaviour reward chart, she can help decorate it. Make it specific and about one aspect you would like to see improvement in. Sticker for every time she is kind or helpful or polite etc At the end of the week, if she has a certain amount of stickers on the chart, (don’t make the target to high) then her reward is you will give her the extra money needed for the doll.

It would be a reasonable compromise as she still has to ‘earn’ the extra but doesn’t have to wait for her birthday to get the doll.

I'd go against the majority and give her rest with a caveat that she gets half her pocket money until it's paid back or increases chores to have a bit more.
Another suggestion would be to check eBay for second hand?

My two often got little extras especially in school holidays and they are hard working, polite young women who manage their money well. She's little once, let her enjoy the doll and the pleasure that will bring.

As a side my daughters still get the odd treat and treat me! Just this week my eldest popped £3 in my bank account so I could buy a sandwich at work and not make one ( I can easily afford it but she likes to now treat me!)

I was thinking the same! If only there was another child who could do the cooking 😆

This is so wrong. Life lessons are taught and learned from pretty much as soon as a child can talk.
They learn to say please and thank you. They learn to wait a moment while mummy is talking to her friend. They learn to put toys away. When they are older they learn to count money and start saving or spending.
Age 7 is not a baby.

What if she wanted something that was £100, £200, £5000? When does "No, we can't afford it" kick in?
A parent might technically be able to "afford" the £26 shortfall, but the family has other priorities, such as saving for a holiday, or an extra-curricular, or whatever.

My younger brother was a child who wanted things, so, so, so badly. He would pine over what he didn't have. Many times my mum caved in, thinking that she would make him happy. But as soon as he had the thing, within days he had lost interest and was pining for the next thing.
Children are fickle. Often they change their mind, and you can't always tell if the latest thing they want is something that they will genuinely derive joy from for many months or years, or if it will be a passing fancy.

You seem to be a real slave driver.

She has it for her birthday end of. If you give in it will be the thin end of the wedge.

She wants it now.

but her tolerance is simmering, she’s going to explode and she is hard to handle when she’s like

She sounds very spoilt and I’m confused why you’re tip toeing around a 7yo.

This is a hell of a lot of money to spend on a doll and she either saves up her pocket money or waits for her birthday.

You are creating a rod for your own back here.

My DD has always asked for things.
She has never exploded and been hard to handle over it, because she knows that she can’t get everything she wants.

I would purposely not get her this toy.
What happens if next month she wants a different one?
Or next time it’s over £100 and you simply can’t afford it?

If her behaviour is difficult at the best of times then you could perhaps have a reward chart and if she has X many days of good behaviour at the end of the month, then you will give her the rest of the money.
If not, she’ll have to wait until November.

Hold firm. People who don't learn that they can't have what they want straight away end up becoming adults with crippling debt, terrible financial situations, spending money on frivolities whilst complaining they can't afford their food and bills. It's a hill worth dying on.

Bloody hell people on here are utterly joyless. It’s ridiculous thinking that finding a way to facilitate a 7 year old having something they’ve already spent 9 months saving for will lead to a life of financial ruin.

It’s equally important to learn that you can find ways to work for what you want (paying for extra chores), or that sometimes family will help you out with a gift (mum gives her the balance) or that by shopping carefully and thinking second hand (buy from eBay or charity shop) you can get something sooner because it’s cheaper. There’s also value in mum deciding that it’s fine to have a treat occasionally especially when your birthday and Christmas sit right next to each other.

There are many lessons we teach our kids day be day, including how to be a legalistic, parsimonious misery.

I’d give her some jobs to do, maybe family members can too and when she gets closer to the full amount I’d give her the balance. £26 is a lot to save up for a 7 year old.

my dd is exactly like this.
its just the excitement of having something new.
then it becomes boring and you move onto the next thing.
there’s some very mixed opinions on here lol
it’s really interesting reading them.

also we have woken up this morning saying ‘can you count my pocket money again’
because I might have counted wrong 😑

This 👆 She’s 7! I would make a deal…
Let’s plan a couple more jobs. You’ve done so well saving up. Sometimes life throws you a break. As someone once said “No one ends up in therapy having been given too much kindness.”
And she’s 7! I would be really proud of her efforts to be frank. 7!

She's saved £33 that's a lot at 7 years old. I'd give her a couple of little jobs to do for which I'd make up the difference.

I'd agree with this. Age 7 is so little still. She's saved, she has offered to do chores. It also teaches her it's nice to surprise and treat someone when you can.

She's got plenty of time to learn that, she's already learned about saving as she has saved she doesn't need to do the whole shbang at 7.

There are other lessons to learn, kindness, compromise, love. Not all the most important lessons are about money.

She's busy bringing up her children to not be the lazy fuckers of tomorrow.

Tbh £2 a week is very little to save up for big items. I'd meet her 3/4 way and she needs to save for next few weeks. Plenty of time for life lessons and she is still learning not everything can be got immediately.

Haven't read the whole thread but can she sell some of her old toys?

As it’s summer holidays and she has the time, I think I would tell her that you will pay half of the remainder if she earns the other half by doing …xyz within the next week

The thing is though, as adults we go to work for our money. Children can't do that, but chores help give a basic understanding of work/reward.

The same argument could be made for giving money for good behaviour, some would say it should be a given.

Everyone has different ideas and just need to do what works for their family.