She doesn’t have enough pocket money to buy what she wants!

[Noodlenation]

DD7 wants a ridiculously priced doll for £59
She has got £33 pounds in her pocket money jar.
I give her £2 a week and she has a few extra pounds from birthdays and other events..

She wants it now. I said she has to wait until she has accumulated enough.
I have reminded her not to waste on silly things (as she has had more before) because then you end up not having enough to spend on big cool stuff.

question is how do I tackle this. Yes I’ve said no tough, you’ll just have to save but her tolerance is simmering, she’s going to explode and she is hard to handle when she’s like that but I’m firm and stand my ground.

I just want to know what to do. I said to her do some jobs for family and they can pay you what they wish to pay you. I even said save your money and me and dad will buy on your birthday which is a few months away.
she said no.

shes offered countless times to do chores and I can pay her, of course I said no because shes supposed to do them anyway.

so tell me I’m tired. Need a biscuit

I am all for children saving for things they want with their pocket money but if you are going to take that approach unless you want them buying complete tat you need to (sensibly and within family budget) give enough pocket money they can realistically save within a couple of months for something decent.

at £2 a week it would take 10 weeks to save £20 which is the very minimum to buy many things now. 10 weeks in a long time in the life of a young child - for many taking so long to see a reward for their saving would put them off bothering trying to save.

My example was of a child who lost interest within days, not weeks or months, and then wanted another new thing.

The thing is though, as adults we go to work for our money. Children can't do that, but chores help give a basic understanding of work/reward .The same argument could be made for giving money for good behaviour, some would say it should be a given. * Everyone has different ideas and just need to do what works for their family.*

By good behaviour I mean good effort really, at work I get rewarded with bonuses for good effort so I support I view it like that. I've always rewarded mine when they've gotten things like star of the week, a good report which is termly (not so much on grades, but the effort side of things). School is their work really so it's the closest comparison I have in terms of reward (although mine do get pocket money, and more than £2 a week, but they are older).

I agree everyone has a different approach, I just think mine is better 😂 don't we all!

I'd agree. I wanted a Fisher price dolly when I was about 7. Can't remember the name of it. My mum flatly said no as I had enough dolls and likely wouldn't play with it for long. I got over it.

I wanted the FP A La Carte kitchen. Desperately. For a long time. But my dad was not paying a fortune for “plastic crap”.

One of the first things I bought my child was a fancy toy kitchen. I don’t think I ever got over it 😂

Ideally you would make her save up and wait and she'd learn about saving and work and be a perfect adult etc but on the other hand she's saved over half already and it'll take her ages to save the rest on £2 a week, I would probably tell her if she's very good and helps a lot around the house for the next week you will give her the rest of the money now, and no pocket money for the next month.
November is ages away for a 7 year old. Then she'll have lovely memories of getting the new doll and still plenty of time to learn about saving up for things.
I remember being in a toy shop with my dad with my pocket money and they toy I wanted was £1 more than I had but he just said it's fine and have me the extra because I had "been a good girl", I was probably about 6 and still remember the joy!

Why does she want this particular doll?
I'd talk to her about this and explain that there are lots of reasons we can't all have what we want all the time.
If you give in to tantrums you're showing they work. And it'll continue and get worse.

remember being in a toy shop with my dad with my pocket money and they toy I wanted was £1 more than I had but he just said it's fine and have me the extra because I had "been a good girl", I was probably about 6 and still remember the joy!
@dbeuowlxb173939 exactly what I mean.
What's wrong with giving your kids a little bit of joy.
She gets £2 a week ,she'll be a teenager before she has enough to buy it.

I don't understand the attitude of making your kids beg for something when you have the money to buy it.

I agree with not giving in to every demand. The only thing is with having a November birthday is that it’s a really long wait from Christmas, I found when my Dc were small that we would miss developmental milestones and appropriate toys if we waited and it’s sometimes better to get things sooner so they get the most out of that toy at that age. She might have a leap in maturity and be over dolls soon.

OP have you considered how many toys per year you would expect your child to buy for themselves, at what cost?

£2 per week is £104 pa, plus birthday and Christmas money, but only if she saves it all.
If she saves half on average, so £1 per week, plus say £30 birthday money, that is approx. £80 per year, which would only buy two toys at the £40 level, or four for £20, over the whole year.
Is this in line with your expectations, or does she need more pocket money?

What about money for days out or trips, or for her to buy gifts from herself for other family members? Have you thought about what you expect her pocket money to cover?

Do you think pocket money should be a regular fixed amount as a child's "right", or dependent on chores, or a mix of both?

There is no right or wrong as every family does it differently, but you need to think it through in advance so that you can be consistent and dependable.

I also treat mine and always have done. They are kind and generous teens now.

Just the other day, my teen daughter and I had a bit of a stand off (at the till in Primark!) as I said I’d pay for her friends birthday present for her, and she was insisting on paying for it herself. Everything is so expensive these days and I have the opportunity to earn though and she doesn’t, although she is keen to get a summer job as soon as she is old enough.

I also really like my children and we are a little team who do nice things for each other. I like sharing what I have with them, why wouldn’t I?!

My 19 year old, who is doing an apprenticeship, took me out for lunch the other day, just because he could and he wanted to. It was lovely. He has also just saved up for his own first car, which took time. He managed to do that despite the fact that I often bought him toys as a child; I don’t know how as it seems that is a recipe for future financial disaster 😂

Being tight-fisted is an awful trait, I don’t want to pass that on and I certainly don’t model it to the DC. They have one childhood and a whole adult life or chores and financial decisions and various stresses, why insist that they start at 7? You just sound so very miserable.

@Noodlenation - a nice easy solution is eBay, as children outgrow their dolls and sell them on. Also a good source for accessories later on.

www.ebay.co.uk/sch/i.html?_sacat=0&_nkw=baby+annabell&_trksid=p2499334.m4084.l1311&_udlo=20&_udhi=50

Oh bless, counting her money to see she if she’s made a mistake. Never mind she’s got thirteen more weeks to go then she can finally get it, it can be a birthday present to herself. I’d give her a rise in pocket money after so she doesn’t have to wait another year if she wants something.

I would give her the choice of something that costs the same as the difference (a trip to the cinema/Nandos/whatever) or the rest of the money to pay for the toy. It's then her choice - she will feel like she's sacrificed something else to be able to afford the toy.

@BeanCountingContinues - an emotional hole/problems with her father, thats some reaching! She is 7 and wants a doll - it’s perfectly normal!!

Why does she need to feel she has sacrificed something else nice for the toy?

This makes no sense to me.

It seems like she's being punished for wanting a toy and saving up so long for it.

I am sure most people on mumsnet but their kids things.

@HungryWombat Because then she will realise you can't just have everything you want - some things are really expensive, and you have to make sacrifices for them.

Personally I would have just given the rest of the money and let my DD have the doll as soon as she asked for it. I now have a 19yo DD who thinks I will buy her almost anything she wants right now and is rubbish at saving because she never had to when she was little.

DS is older, and at one point we had very little money- he would have genuinely had to choose between a toy and trip to the cinema. As a result he has a very different attitude towards saving and spending.

OP have you considered how many toys per year you would expect your child to buy for themselves, at what cost?

There is no correct answer here. Thing is - kids that age rarely buy toys themselves. Necessities and treats are bought anyway, gifts are given on various occasions. There is no wrong in buying the desired toy here and now because you can, also no wrong in making them wait in case they'll just forget it by the end of the day or week.

Because then she will realise you can't just have everything you want - some things are really expensive, and you have to make sacrifices for them.

Shes 7 years old ffs, buy the wean a doll - a 7 year old needing to make sacrifices. The time she’s spent saving half the money feels like sacrifice enough.

I agree, kids age 7 rarely buy their own toys, except "pocket money" toys of a few pounds - that is part of learning to handle money.

OP needs to consider what the pocket money is meant to cover over a year, and therefore whether it is a suitable amount. If it is meant to cover big toys now and then that the OP doesn't want to buy as treats, the weekly amount has to include reasonable savings expectations.

"But rules don’t need to be so rigid do they? Isn’t it nice to demonstrate flexibility, kindness and generosity to our children too?

I regularly treat my kids. Only a couple of weeks ago my DS was eyeing up a new black hoodie in the Nike store but it would have wiped out everything that he taken out of his savings to shop with that day. So I offered to go halves. He was pleased as punch and extremely grateful. My DD regularly sells clothes on Vinted and babysits for extra money.

Me spoiling them every now and again hasn’t turned them into spoiled brats. I have taught them the value of money. They know I work bloody hard for every penny I earn. But I have also taught them kindness, generosity and the joy of giving."

@Pookerrod yes, this. My dc are teens and have jobs. They know to save some money, spend wisely and will also happily treat others because they grew up seeing that from their parents. I'm glad they're not anal or transactional about money.

I'd agree with that, my family is all within 8 weeks of Christmas.
10 months is a really long time for kids.

I'd love to be one of those mums who say nothing new outwith Birthday or Christmas but their are times when it's just really hard.

How many dolls does she already have?
Why does she want this one so badly?

You didn’t though, did you? You still remember it now, however many years later! I never got the Rainbow Bright doll I wanted. I understand why I didn’t get it but also realise that it was important to me and my parents didn’t recognise that.

Well, we will remember some things we didn't get as children, and others we won't. We can't buy our DC everything, just incase that's the one thing they'll remember not having. DS really wanted a zhu zhu pet. As a child I would have been given one. And no accessories. So I bought DD many zhu zhus and track cars and houses and a pizza restaurant etc etc. Sid she play with it more than twice? Nope! But at least she'll never be able to say she really wanted it and never had it

OP, in the past DH has doubled our DCs money if they've saved for something big, so essentially they only have to save half. This still seems to apply to my 21yo and cars