Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

She doesn’t have enough pocket money to buy what she wants!

334 replies

Noodlenation · 06/08/2024 23:15

DD7 wants a ridiculously priced doll for £59
She has got £33 pounds in her pocket money jar.
I give her £2 a week and she has a few extra pounds from birthdays and other events..

She wants it now. I said she has to wait until she has accumulated enough.
I have reminded her not to waste on silly things (as she has had more before) because then you end up not having enough to spend on big cool stuff.

question is how do I tackle this. Yes I’ve said no tough, you’ll just have to save but her tolerance is simmering, she’s going to explode and she is hard to handle when she’s like that but I’m firm and stand my ground.

I just want to know what to do. I said to her do some jobs for family and they can pay you what they wish to pay you. I even said save your money and me and dad will buy on your birthday which is a few months away.
she said no.

shes offered countless times to do chores and I can pay her, of course I said no because shes supposed to do them anyway.

so tell me I’m tired. Need a biscuit

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
elaineyadayada · 07/08/2024 10:19

Some of these posts have been quite sad I think. Perhaps a reaction to the materialism we see around us but sometimes Mumsnet seems to be a bastion of punitive parenting !
Of course life lessons are important but those lessons need to be calibrated to the age of the child. Showing kindness and giving your 7 year old a boost won’t lead to moral decay, a life type of bankruptcy. I’m kinda not surprised she is close to exploding. As a PP had said - to save for that amount of time would feel like a life time for a child that age. She might be a happier child to have that achievement acknowledged and given a nudge up by her parent. I’m obviously too soft !

5128gap · 07/08/2024 10:22

I think if your stance is that things should be saved for, then that's what you should stick to. By all means review rules if something has changed that makes you believe its necessary to be flexible (like great behaviour you want to reward) but never because you're scared of your child's reaction. If you start down that path it tends to only go one way.

marshmallowfinder · 07/08/2024 10:23

I'm not sure why OP hasn't replied, but to suggest buying a secondhand one would be perfect and mean she has some money left over. There are loads on FB marketplace. A great way to introduce lots of the right messages and have the doll she wants so much.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

7 year olds Families
GingerPirate · 07/08/2024 10:24

Pookerrod · 07/08/2024 00:24

Or….. you could treat her with the £26 she needs for the doll.

She’s only 7, plenty of time for life lessons left. She’s saved over half and it’s nice to treat the kids every now and then. Go on, make her day!

Exactly.
£59, gonna break the bank?

justasking111 · 07/08/2024 10:26

My grandchildren sell toys on FB Marketplace that they no longer play with and get to keep the money

Pookerrod · 07/08/2024 10:31

BeanCountingContinues · 07/08/2024 09:48

This is so wrong. Life lessons are taught and learned from pretty much as soon as a child can talk.
They learn to say please and thank you. They learn to wait a moment while mummy is talking to her friend. They learn to put toys away. When they are older they learn to count money and start saving or spending.
Age 7 is not a baby.

What if she wanted something that was £100, £200, £5000? When does "No, we can't afford it" kick in?
A parent might technically be able to "afford" the £26 shortfall, but the family has other priorities, such as saving for a holiday, or an extra-curricular, or whatever.

My younger brother was a child who wanted things, so, so, so badly. He would pine over what he didn't have. Many times my mum caved in, thinking that she would make him happy. But as soon as he had the thing, within days he had lost interest and was pining for the next thing.
Children are fickle. Often they change their mind, and you can't always tell if the latest thing they want is something that they will genuinely derive joy from for many months or years, or if it will be a passing fancy.

Show quote history

But rules don’t need to be so rigid do they? Isn’t it nice to demonstrate flexibility, kindness and generosity to our children too?

I regularly treat my kids. Only a couple of weeks ago my DS was eyeing up a new black hoodie in the Nike store but it would have wiped out everything that he taken out of his savings to shop with that day. So I offered to go halves. He was pleased as punch and extremely grateful. My DD regularly sells clothes on Vinted and babysits for extra money.

Me spoiling them every now and again hasn’t turned them into spoiled brats. I have taught them the value of money. They know I work bloody hard for every penny I earn. But I have also taught them kindness, generosity and the joy of giving.

Starlight1979 · 07/08/2024 10:32

JoanCollected · 06/08/2024 23:26

Give her jobs that are not her usual chores. My 6 yr old has to keep the bathroom sinks wiped down and tidy. My 8 yr old is our new laundry fairy and she’s absolutely smashing it. 9 yr old is responsible for getting up and walking dog before breakfast, cleaning litter trays and chicken coop and ensuring all animals are fed and watered correctly.

They get £5 per week for doing those jobs. They also have normal chores like dishwasher, sweeping floor, tidying toys and stuff.

😂

PfishFood · 07/08/2024 10:33

I would:

  • let her earn more by doing extra chores over and above her usual list. My DN will even do gardening for an extra £5 here or there
  • "Sell" some of her toys on Facebook Marketplace to earn the extra (my DB did this. Told my DN that he'd list them on FB to sell them to earn more money to buy the toy they wanted, then just gave him the money and donated the toys to the nearest charity shop - you could actually sell them, but we all know FB Marketplace can be a total nightmare!)

Alternatively you could both have a big clear out and do a Car Boot Sale?

Otherwise, if you're able to, you could split the difference, or pay the extra, making clear that it's a gift and/or instead of doing another summer holiday activity.

It's an ideal opportunity to teach the value of money.

BeanCountingContinues · 07/08/2024 10:35

Noodlenation · 07/08/2024 10:01

my dd is exactly like this.
its just the excitement of having something new.
then it becomes boring and you move onto the next thing.
there’s some very mixed opinions on here lol
it’s really interesting reading them.

also we have woken up this morning saying ‘can you count my pocket money again’
because I might have counted wrong 😑

Show quote history

my dd is exactly like this.
its just the excitement of having something new.
then it becomes boring and you move onto the next thing.

Two things I would suggest:

Try hard to restrict the amount of advertising she sees, such as always watching BBC not commercial channels. How does she know about this doll? Does a friend have one? Did she see it in a toy shop? Or was it an advert?

The intense 'wanting' is in response to feeling an emotional hole inside - does she get enough quality time with you? Does she have siblings who take your attention? Is there an issue with her father? Does she have friends at school? Do what you can to fulfil her emotional needs and you may find that the 'wanting stuff' diminishes.
(Or it may not - my brother is the same today: buying expensive crap for 'hobbies' that sits neglected. It is just his personality)

JoanCollected · 07/08/2024 10:35

VJBR · 06/08/2024 23:48

Blimey your kids do a lot. What do you do?

Show quote history

You can't seriously be asking that? I have 4 kids under 12, they spend very little time helping run their home. Their jobs take moments and they have pride in doing them. I spend hours every day doing exactly what every other mum does. My kids dont do a lot but we do try to teach them useful skills, independence and responsibility for their living environment. I'm proud of them. And people always comment on their manners and tidiness when they go on playdates. And no, my 9 yr old doesnt get lumped minding the little ones. Just the pets she adores and begged for. She minds them so well.

AmyDudley · 07/08/2024 10:37

Can she be persuaded towards the boy doll version ? Baby Alexander active, he does the exact same things as the Annabelle but is £40

XiCi · 07/08/2024 10:41

elaineyadayada · 07/08/2024 10:19

Some of these posts have been quite sad I think. Perhaps a reaction to the materialism we see around us but sometimes Mumsnet seems to be a bastion of punitive parenting !
Of course life lessons are important but those lessons need to be calibrated to the age of the child. Showing kindness and giving your 7 year old a boost won’t lead to moral decay, a life type of bankruptcy. I’m kinda not surprised she is close to exploding. As a PP had said - to save for that amount of time would feel like a life time for a child that age. She might be a happier child to have that achievement acknowledged and given a nudge up by her parent. I’m obviously too soft !

Exactly, counting her savings again in case they're wrong just seems really sad. All over one doll

JoanCollected · 07/08/2024 10:42

Wishimaywishimight · 07/08/2024 09:48

I was thinking the same! If only there was another child who could do the cooking 😆

Show quote history

9 year old is a great cook.

elaineyadayada · 07/08/2024 10:44

BeanCountingContinues · 07/08/2024 10:35

my dd is exactly like this.
its just the excitement of having something new.
then it becomes boring and you move onto the next thing.

Two things I would suggest:

Try hard to restrict the amount of advertising she sees, such as always watching BBC not commercial channels. How does she know about this doll? Does a friend have one? Did she see it in a toy shop? Or was it an advert?

The intense 'wanting' is in response to feeling an emotional hole inside - does she get enough quality time with you? Does she have siblings who take your attention? Is there an issue with her father? Does she have friends at school? Do what you can to fulfil her emotional needs and you may find that the 'wanting stuff' diminishes.
(Or it may not - my brother is the same today: buying expensive crap for 'hobbies' that sits neglected. It is just his personality)

Show quote history

With all due respect just because she wants a (probably) massively overpriced doll doesn’t mean she has a black hole of emotional need ! We are biologically evolved to be fairly instinctive ‘resource gatherers’. She just wants a doll. I think the above is laying it on a bit thick. Perhaps if she was madly craving a new doll every week…

Jellycatspyjamas · 07/08/2024 10:45

my dd is exactly like this.
its just the excitement of having something new.
then it becomes boring and you move onto the next thing

Is that not just part of being 7, or being human. It’s nice to have something new especially when you’ve saved hard for it from very little pocket money. The economy would collapse if we never moved on to something new and while I don’t think unfettered accumulation is a good thing I think it’s a lot to expect a child not to be excited at the thought of a much wanted toy or to never want anything else because they got said toy.

Jellycatspyjamas · 07/08/2024 10:47

The intense 'wanting' is in response to feeling an emotional hole inside

More likely because she’s been saving her money since her birthday last year and still can’t afford the doll she would really like. It doesn’t need to be that deep.

HungryWombat · 07/08/2024 10:49

I'd reward her as she's been patiently saving and a doll shouldn't be beyond her reach.

OP is 26 a lot of money to you? This is a chance to really treat her and give her a summer holiday she'll remember.

Surely people spend 26 on a family meal at McDonald's... Never mind other summer holiday activities. I think a doll that's long waited for and saved for is different to wanting tat at a day out (and that thread went completely the other way with mist people justifying a toy every time they went to an attraction!!)

BeanCountingContinues · 07/08/2024 10:51

elaineyadayada · 07/08/2024 10:44

With all due respect just because she wants a (probably) massively overpriced doll doesn’t mean she has a black hole of emotional need ! We are biologically evolved to be fairly instinctive ‘resource gatherers’. She just wants a doll. I think the above is laying it on a bit thick. Perhaps if she was madly craving a new doll every week…

Show quote history

The OP was responding to my post about my brother. OP said
"my dd is exactly like this.
its just the excitement of having something new.
then it becomes boring and you move onto the next thing"
which I highlighted in bold.
So yes, the child is constantly craving new things.

Lalalacrosse · 07/08/2024 10:53

Jellycatspyjamas · 07/08/2024 09:16

I don't agree with chores for money, chores are a part of life, they've got to learn that house work is not incentivised like that (it's not for us) and it's just part of being a respectful person when growing up in a household with other people, you all chip in, it shouldn't all be on one person. It sends the wrong message.

I think it depends on the chore, keeping rooms clean, hoovering and the like are day to day tasks that everyone chips in with. Cleaning out the car, a weeding job, cleaning out the fridge aren’t things I expect my kids to do so I’m happy to pay them for their efforts. I might not pay myself for doing them but I do reward myself with a glass of wine or a nice coffee for doing jobs I don’t like, so why not reward my kids too.

I’m about to add clean out the fridge to my side jobs list for the kids.

Children even at 7 are perfectly capable of contributing to family life, and they should do so. OP can offer ways for the child to earn the extra. She can even load the scales. But simply paying to stave off a tantrum will not teach her anything positive.

Beautiful3 · 07/08/2024 10:56

She's only 7! I think she's done really well to save up that much, with only £2 pocket money! I'd give her the rest and buy it.

KreedKafer · 07/08/2024 10:57

I don't believe 7 year olds should be doing jobs for cash. They are too young to appreciate the cash value of anything

Surely doing some little jobs for cash is the ideal way to teach them the cash value of things, though? They start to understand that an expensive thing takes more effort to earn. I think most kids will take more care of something they own if they understand that someone had to work to provide it.

StarvingMarvin222 · 07/08/2024 10:57

I think this is a weird hill to die on.
She's 7 ,she's saved most of the money.
Can you not give the child a bit of joy and get her the doll.

You're coming across as a bit mean spirited,
Just buy her the doll.

Jellycatspyjamas · 07/08/2024 11:06

I don't believe 7 year olds should be doing jobs for cash. They are too young to appreciate the cash value of anything

At that age my kids knew I needed to work to buy the things they have, they may not have known the financial cost but they knew it didn’t come for free. Giving them little extra jobs helped them understand the link between time (work) and rewards in the form of money for something they wanted.

My DS is 12 and has saved up for two big buys so far and has another savings project in mind precisely because he understands the value of working for things. My DD is much more of an instant gratification mindset but still knows there are jobs that just need done as part of being a family and others that I’ll happily pay her to do as extra.

Mummyofbananas · 07/08/2024 11:07

I think she's done very well saving so much and £2 a week is a long time to have to wait for a little one that's trying very hard. If you can afford it i'd make up some jobs that she can do and give her a bit more towards it and let her build up the money quickly so she's still learning a life lesson but that it seems achievable.

Pookerrod · 07/08/2024 11:10

BeanCountingContinues · 07/08/2024 10:51

The OP was responding to my post about my brother. OP said
"my dd is exactly like this.
its just the excitement of having something new.
then it becomes boring and you move onto the next thing"
which I highlighted in bold.
So yes, the child is constantly craving new things.

Show quote history

But kids grow out of toys in the same way they grow out of shoes! They develop and get new interests. They are supposed to outgrow their toys. No one wants their 16 year old playing with Baby Annabelle.

The OP is in danger of making this child wait so long for a doll that she may well completely outgrow the doll-playing phase by the time she gets it! That is very sad.