Neighbour complaining about my poorly baby crying at night

[PhoebsmumX]

Looking for a little bit of advice.
I have a 9 month old little girl who was born with Strep B. She was extremely poorly at birth and spent a week in ICU. We were so very lucky that she made a full recovery and thankfully has no lasting effect from the infection.
however, since starting nursery 3 months ago, she has been constantly poorly. She’s had every cold, cough and runny nose and hasn’t been sleeping great at night. This last week, my little one has been to the doctors twice and admitted to hospital with an extremely high fever which we now know is a viral infection.
seeing her so poorly is heartbreaking and we as parents are doing our very best.
which leads me to what other mums think to the below.
my neighbour knocked on my door this morning, for reference they have no kids so they don’t understand. However after being awake every hour in the night with my poorly baby who keeps getting temperatures of 39 +, already emotional and exhausted. He proceeds to complain about her crying and keeping him and his wife awake. He then told me to seek support and now I feel like the worlds worse mum because my poorly baby is crying in the night!
i admit that she has been crying a lot however I am doing everything in my power to help her, she’s started sleeping with me again so I can get to her as soon as I hear her murmur. I’m personally in shock, as I would never complain about a neighbours baby crying. But I’d like to know what other mums think and if I’m being unfair?!

NRTFT but a friend of mine had this. I’ll say to you what I said to him: your neighbour is an arsehole. Blows my mind that anyone would ever have the gall to complain about a baby crying. And the fact he suggested you seek ‘support’ shows he’s an absolute toxic dick. Hold your head up high and ignore him. And next time your baby cries, embrace the petty and hold your baby right by the wall 😂😂

Our next door neighbours adult son (adult as in probably 40) banged on our adjoining wall one night when our now 2yo was going through sleep regression. I was absolutely fuming and text the neighbour, I heard the bollocking he had him her 😂 she was nothing but apologetic.
Just tell him to f**k off and mind his own business, if he thinks he’s being irritated by the crying, he needs to take a reality check for how you guys must be feeling.
Ours also has had a cold the last 7 months since starting nursery, at least every other week he’s got something, too many hospital trips to count, most recent the GP phoned an ambulance due to oxygen levels, would have helped if GP surgery had to e funding for a paediatric sats checker!
Baby will get more immunity as she gets older, the viruses are slowly dying down for us now after 7 months.

I used to live in a block of flats abroad when I had my first 2 dc. My eldest cried all the time, I did everything to make her feel better but still she cried. Even though it was a flat it didn't join with another flat except maybe the small hallway by the door and none of the bedrooms shared a wall with another flat. Everyday some smug 'yiayia' would ask me how was the big crier!
It did upset me but what could I do. Just concentrate on your little one, hopefully she'll be better soon.

Could be worse, when my eldest was a baby my neighbours used to bang on the wall and shout obscenities at me if he woke them (usually when he was poorly).
I was a single parent, completely alone with no help from day one, and scared to leave the house in case I bumped into them.
I'd take them knocking at the door to tell me over their behaviour any day.
It was different when they were having noisy, drug fuelled sex at all hours though - I just had to put up with it.

I guess he's an actual walking penis so he can't wear earplugs.

Again it is your baby, your priority that is being imposed on them. I suspect from your tone and lack of empathy you’d be round there complaining if they had a party, or an occasionally barking dog, but whatever it’s all about you! 🙄

Not sure why you're talking about my baby, I'm not the OP.

I've never complained about a neighbour's noise and certainly wouldn't for the occasional party - we all like to have fun now and again. Daily loud parties, yes I might - because that would be the neighbour making a selfish choice.

There is no choice in a crying baby.

I'm child free, by choice. I chose NOT to have constantly screaming children as part of my life. Therefore, I shouldn't have my sleep or my working day constantly interrupted by earth shattering screeching. My life choices don't impact upon anyone else's life, why should someone else's affect mine? That's not a neighbourly or considerate way to live in a built-up suburban neighbourhood.

Whilst I don't fully know or understand your or your neighbours particular situation, I can tell you, that from my perspective, I can understand his frustrations. I almost stomped 'round to my neighbours in a rage, and full of tears, at 4am the other night.

So... my next door neighbours leaves their child to cry and scream, full pelt, for hours on end, day and night. I was in tears the other night when it got to 4am and I hadn't managed more than ten minutes of sleep and had to be up to work in two hours. It's SO draining. Baby crying is the soundtrack of my life now. I'm actually getting depressed coz of it. I'm either crying myself, or raging. It's awful.

I think the child's cot is up against the adjoining wall, literally behind my bed (my home office is also in my bedroom, so there's literally no escape). I can hear the parents chatting and laughing sometimes, but rarely hear them soothing the child when it's upset.

I've lived in this flat for decades and had many different neighbours over the years. I've heard babies cry sometimes, but when it's life alteringly frequent, like this is, it's soul draining. It's all well and good for mums to say, "What does he expect you to do?" Well what do you expect us to do? You love your child so the crying won't feel like it does to others. It's such a hideous sound, that's why it's used as a torture method on prisoners of war.

Fortunately, the law is on the side of the neighbour, and should he take his complaint to the council, they will investigate. They'll look into the frequency and noise levels, etc.

Of course, occasional, 'normal' crying baby noise, though still horrid, is sort of an expected part of being adjoined, but constant, screaming is another thing altogether.

I'm going to pop a note in to my neighbour explaining how it's all affecting my life and that if things don't improve over the next 28 days, I'll involve the council. And, I think that's fair enough.

Sorry to hear of your woes but this thread is over a year old. Don't take out your frustrations on a totally unrelated mum who has nothing to do with your neighbour

I Googled the issue because I'm going through it right now and this thread was one of the first results, so I came to read it.

1: I didn't "take out" my "frustrations" on anybody, I simply replied and added another perspective to the discussion. Please show me where I "took" anything "out" on the OP??? I don't even think I mentioned her except to say that I couldn't know what she or her neighbour were going through, but that I understood his frustrations. There are, after all, two sides to these situations. The guy complaining isn't a horrid person and neither is the OP. It's just a horrid situation.
2: I just put across another side to the issue, isn't that was these sort of sites are all about? People Google a problem looking for info and advice, etc, and... join in. Or have I misunderstood the internet all these years???
3: I didn't realise commenting on a thread had a "sell by" date and that there was some sort of time limit to adding my voice to a debate. Every day's a school day, eh?

Are you off your fucking head? You’ve come on to an old thread on the parenting board to bitch and moan about this?

What do you think the council’s response to a crying baby is going to be?

Get a bloody grip. You have no right not to live next to families with babies. Move house or move the layout of your rooms and buy some ear defenders.

Your diatribe is one of the maddest things I’ve ever read on Mumsnet.

He's a twat. It's a 9mo baby. They cry sometimes. Yes it's annoying, but I can't imagine having the audacity to come and knock on someone's door about this. What does he want you to do? Gag her?

My baby is 11mo, and believe me, there is no one who wants her to stop crying more than me when she's having a bad night 😂

Of course he is being unfair but you do sound very emotional so perhaps you've taken his comment too much to heart. How are you getting on going to work?

And absolutely no need for you to have such a horrible go at the PP either. She is clearly at the end of her teacher, no unreasonably, so how about using someone of the boundless sympathy for her. You trying getting a “bloody grip” when there’s no sleep and the parents in her case don’t seem to give a fuck.
Sorry @Dingledoodie , some people here are mad and no matter the circumstances you are unreasonable for complaining about someone else’s kids. Hope you manage to get some rest.

I’ve no sympathy whatsoever for someone who says a crying baby is not neighbourly or considerate. She thinks because she’s decided she doesn’t want children that she shouldn’t have to suffer the crying of other people’s children.

She can change the layout of her house and get ear defenders, or move. But no, she’s going to deliver a letter to them threatening 28 days before going to the council. Bloody bonkers.

TBF he is also tired from disturbed sleep. When he says you should seek help. You should have thanked him for his kind offer and said would 7pm be ok to drop her off and thanks for the understanding as you are so sleep deprived too

Just say. fuck off baby's cry I can assure you it's more disturbing for me than for you. Would you like me to by you some ear plugs,? Hopefully this won't go on for much longer

I hope that the baby in the original post finished that crying episode many months ago!

It is possible that you didn't know that babies come without an 'off' switch @Dingledoodie ? (An oversight of nature or the creator -of course.)

It often happens that the crying cannot be stopped by soothing of any kind.

Babies are utterly human and although they cry when in need of something you can provide, they are often just furious or upset. They sometimes do just cry!

At least you do have the house wall to keep the noise from you. The parents are probably as helpless as you but much closer to the noise. They have all the worry too.

I am told that babies respond (with crying) to stressed parents... even when the crying caused the stress.

Perhaps you could drop round to your neighbours with an understanding message or cakes and sooth them a little. It might help :)