Neighbour complaining about my poorly baby crying at night

[PhoebsmumX]

Looking for a little bit of advice.
I have a 9 month old little girl who was born with Strep B. She was extremely poorly at birth and spent a week in ICU. We were so very lucky that she made a full recovery and thankfully has no lasting effect from the infection.
however, since starting nursery 3 months ago, she has been constantly poorly. She’s had every cold, cough and runny nose and hasn’t been sleeping great at night. This last week, my little one has been to the doctors twice and admitted to hospital with an extremely high fever which we now know is a viral infection.
seeing her so poorly is heartbreaking and we as parents are doing our very best.
which leads me to what other mums think to the below.
my neighbour knocked on my door this morning, for reference they have no kids so they don’t understand. However after being awake every hour in the night with my poorly baby who keeps getting temperatures of 39 +, already emotional and exhausted. He proceeds to complain about her crying and keeping him and his wife awake. He then told me to seek support and now I feel like the worlds worse mum because my poorly baby is crying in the night!
i admit that she has been crying a lot however I am doing everything in my power to help her, she’s started sleeping with me again so I can get to her as soon as I hear her murmur. I’m personally in shock, as I would never complain about a neighbours baby crying. But I’d like to know what other mums think and if I’m being unfair?!

Ever thought they don't have children because they can't? Everyone so fast to judge the neighbour complaining about a constantly crying baby during the night. I've been on the receiving end of muttered comments for covering my ears and leaving A&E due to a screaming baby. I was in the process of my third miscarriage. For months after I couldn't tolerate a baby crying, serious PTSD. Guess if my partner went round to my neighbour for their baby keeping us awake he'd have been a dick too.

Yes I'm afraid he would have been. Whilst it's very sad what you went through, if your neighbour had a crying baby and it upset you, what would you expect them to do?

I also dont have children because I cant. I sympathise with you, having had a stillbirth. But the reality is the only reason I would be knocking on the door of a mother of a poorly young baby would be to take her some biscuits or chocolates to keep her energy up.

As hard as it is we have to live in society and people cant shut poorly babies up on demand, or they wouldn't be crying in the first place. So whats the point of further upsetting an emotional mother doing her best? So yes, although your situation is hard, if your partner had done this he would also have been a dick.

Yes, he would have been a dick. Miscarriages are sadly very common, and those of us who’ve had them and have been through treatment for infertility know how difficult it is - but I can’t imagine my DH berating a woman who was in tears and obviously very stressed and upset for having the temerity to have a crying baby. If he did, he and I would be having serious words.

Ooof “just building her immune system” 🤦🏽‍♀️facepalm - how did we get here eh?
You don’t build an immune system by constantly attacking it with pathogens.

No, I think there’s a difference between complaining about a party and complaining about a crying baby. What an idiot your neighbour is, OP.

You’ve explained she’s ill - he needs to accept that. Babies cry sometimes - that’s life.

I'm sorry that's happened. I get that they're tired, but it's very much lacking in compassion!

I had an awful time with a reflux baby who would sometimes go for it for hours in the night and my neighbour knocked on my door, I actually went to apologise for the crying and she said not to worry they have gotten some earplugs, but she offered to watch the baby for a bit so I could have a shower, and did me a cuppa while I had it. Such a shame there aren't always such humane responses- it was a small act but at the time it really did give me a light in amongst a lot of stress

Sometimes babies get unwell, and some babies are higher needs. The blessing of being the neighbour not the parent is that you can put in some earplugs and try to ignore it...

Our neighbours had a baby that cried a lot at night and used to send a WhatsApp apologising. I’d always say it was fine, not to worry etc even though it would wake us/keep us awake but it was polite of them to consider us even with the stress of a baby.

You’re tired and stressed and maybe his visit was a combination of frustration and well intentioned suggestion of you needing support. Hope your Baby is well soon.

Actually, that's exactly how you build an immune system.

Op I hope your dd gets better really soon. It must be such a comfort to her to be cosleeping with you, you sound like a lovely mum

Your dp sounds like a great guy too, op. I'm glad to hear he went round to the neighbour.

@AquaFurball @dimllaishebiaith I am so extremely sorry that you both experienced these heartbreaking situations, I completely understand that this could also be the case for my neighbour and for that I do completely sympathise. However after the heart-wrenching birth we had which with a Strep B positive baby was very touch and go for the first few days of her life, I know that neither me or my partner would never dream of knocking a neighbours door to complain about a defenceless tiny baby crying. I would like to think if this is the case for my neighbour he would be more empathetic towards us rather than bitter. There were more ways he could have approached me, but to open the door to ‘you know why I’m here’ as I’m stood there completely exhausted and low was to me an extremely unfair thing to do. However I do appreciate your comment and again, I am so sorry you ever had to experience the heartbreaking situation of losing a baby. My heart does really go out to you.

@Mumoftwo1312 Thankyou so very much. I am so lucky that my partner is supportive and as much as people don’t agree, him visiting the neighbour to make him aware of how he’s made me feel completely put me at ease. We’re new parents simply trying our best and no one wants our little girl to be better and sleep through the night more than we do.
she’s comforted most when she’s snuggled next to me and I will continue to sleep like this in our room where we’re both comfy until she’s better. It’s lovely to know that great people like you with a heart are still very much around! X

This was my thought too.

He didn't knock on your door when your DP was there did he ?

He sounds like a cowardly bully and telling you you need to seek support when he knows bugger all about child care !

Don’t feel bad OP, your baby will be better soon and you’re doing all you can in the meantime.
Just ignore the twat next door !

@Spoonthief, no he waited to approach me when my partner had left for work. I’m a lot more sensitive than my partner and I do honestly believe he confronted me because he felt superior.. My partner came home to me in floods of tears completely and utterly drained and paid him a visit. I’m not sure he fully understood or even tried to show much compassion but he now knows that we didn’t appreciate his actions. He was the one who told me to use google and find answers as to why she’s not sleeping, (he also told me to try not letting her nap in the day and to speak to a Health visitor..) of course I’ve let her nap today, she’s 9 months old for crying out loud but I did also find this lovely mumsnet and speak to my HV, as he suggested, and I’m SO glad I did because I now know I’m not the only mum out there who thinks his actions were uncalled for and I’m in fact not in the wrong for simply having a poorly baby.

Well said!

Great idea!

As well as that, she could have gone shopping and bought a card in the "Diddums" section of the card display.

Yes this, in spades.

I have kids and even I'd probably react like your neighbour if I had my sleep disturbed night after night by a screaming baby sorry

I've always taken my kids downstairs and slept on the sofa with them when they had nights like this to be respectful of those around me

Having an ill baby is rubbish, however if you’re completely exhausted, perhaps they are too. Also, he wouldn’t have known you were crying!
We have neighbours with a baby, the crying wakes me up a lot of the time and sometimes it annoys me because I want to be asleep. Perhaps he just wanted to let you know that they could hear the baby through the walls, and hope you’d be able to swap rooms or something?

Obviously you’re not in the wrong for having a poorly baby, but neither is he in letting you know that the crying is keeping him up.

I feel your pain because my Son was poorly a lot and didn't sleep well at all. He's 16 now and healthy thriving and can't get him out of bed !!! However I have neighbours who wake us now and it's hard too. I'd ask if there's anyway rooms where she is not crying next to the adjoining wall? That might help. Obviously a baby is always going to wake and cry in the night to a certain extent. You have not got to feel guilty or like a bad mom - shes not well but it's a virus all kids get them x

However after being awake every hour in the night with my poorly baby who keeps getting temperatures of 39 +, already emotional and exhausted.

So he and his wife have also been awake every hour.

He probably doesn't know how poorly your baby is and thinks you are neglecting her hence telling you to get advice.

I'd take them a cake and a letter saying, sorry for the lack of sleep my little girl is quite ill at the moment and you are doing what you can.

Are you in a flat or a house? Can you take your baby away from the adjoining wall? Or wherever is nearest them?

Can't really win can you..if a baby is ill, teething, colic they will cry..other then a muzzle or gag there is zero you can do. Also that would be considered abuse.
You can hold them, walking around rocking them non stop..if they are upset they will still cry.

You can't take them out as someone may distrurbed by the noise of a baby, but now apparently they can't be a baby in their own home either 😂😂

Not really sure what people expect. I have more patience with an upset baby that doesn't know any better.

We are a very negative nation, everytime a baby or child is upset the go to assumption is mum isn't doing enough or child neglect. It seems the most obvious possiblity of illness ect is the last thought.

My LO had colic. I did sleep on a sofa bed in the lounge with her, i have lovely neighbours and both do what we can for each other..it does help that they are deaf 😂 so they laugh when i text them rough night ahead, tooth coming through.

Have you actually read the thread?

This! Breathe a sigh of relief that this man is not your husband and ignore him. Having neighbors means listening to other people's noise. My neighbors have had to hear all the threenager tantrums - I've had to hear their dog bark from the minute they leave their house to the minute they return. it's the downside of attached houses.
focus on your baby (I'm so sorry shes been so unwell, its such a worry when they are small) and ignore the bully next door.