Neighbour complaining about my poorly baby crying at night

[PhoebsmumX]

Looking for a little bit of advice.
I have a 9 month old little girl who was born with Strep B. She was extremely poorly at birth and spent a week in ICU. We were so very lucky that she made a full recovery and thankfully has no lasting effect from the infection.
however, since starting nursery 3 months ago, she has been constantly poorly. She’s had every cold, cough and runny nose and hasn’t been sleeping great at night. This last week, my little one has been to the doctors twice and admitted to hospital with an extremely high fever which we now know is a viral infection.
seeing her so poorly is heartbreaking and we as parents are doing our very best.
which leads me to what other mums think to the below.
my neighbour knocked on my door this morning, for reference they have no kids so they don’t understand. However after being awake every hour in the night with my poorly baby who keeps getting temperatures of 39 +, already emotional and exhausted. He proceeds to complain about her crying and keeping him and his wife awake. He then told me to seek support and now I feel like the worlds worse mum because my poorly baby is crying in the night!
i admit that she has been crying a lot however I am doing everything in my power to help her, she’s started sleeping with me again so I can get to her as soon as I hear her murmur. I’m personally in shock, as I would never complain about a neighbours baby crying. But I’d like to know what other mums think and if I’m being unfair?!

What does he expect you do? He is a stupid bully, he should be commiserating not playing the big I-am.
I would have looked at him, raised an eyebrow and closed the door.
Be very thankful that you are not him and get on with your life. Your Baby will get better, he is likely to always be an a.hole.

I suppose it depends on tone and intention and as you say they don't have children, so won't understand, but he's right, a parent of a child of that age regularly crying in the night probably does need support. I can also see it would be challenging to live next door.

How did he respond when you explained it's because baby has been ill and hopefully won't last much longer?

It’s not nice for anyone to be kept awake with a baby crying, so I get their frustration, but honestly if there’s nothing you can do, then they will have to deal. They can get ear plugs etc

Is your babies crib away from the shared wall though? Like on the other side of the house to help

@cuckyplunt I was very took back that he even had the audacity to knock on the door and complain to me especially after I’m stood there tears rolling down my face completely exhausted! I understand it must be hard but it’s hard for me and her dad too. Thankyou so much for making me see that I’m not going completely insane and I have a fair point!

They didn’t know that your baby is ill, for all they know you’re doing cry it out sleep training. Their sleep has also been significantly disturbed, that’s shit for anyone. They definitely could have handled it better and had a bit more sympathy but I do also understand where they’re coming from. Is the cot away from the party wall?

I don’t think anyone likes being kept up for any reason but a baby crying because she is poorly can’t be helped it’s not like yours leaving her lying crying and not soothing her. You must be tired and exhausted too and you’re not the worst mum just a tired one!

We’ve all been there when our babies are sick unfortunately your neighbours haven’t and clearly don’t understand or care and would rather make you feel bad. not much advice to give op, but hope your baby is feeling much better soon and you get some rest.

Why ask if you are being unfair? Is there something that you could be doing to limit the crying, and not doing it? That would be unfair. It would appear to be an ongoing problem if your neighbour has knocked complaining though. How other people would react to this issue, will have no bearing on how your neighbour reacts.

@Soubriquet I agreed and told him it must be hard for him but I think he was extremely rude in his tone considering I was stood there with tears feeling helpless. Our babies room is the back of the house and as far as I’m aware his bedroom is the front of the house so other than me sleeping in the living room there’s not an awful lot more I can do. I have the calpol in the syringe next to me for the minute she wakes and her bottle prepped to give her. She’s usually a happy little girl but it’s just unfortunate that she’s been so poorly lately and nothing seems to console her.

How often and for how long is she crying? Are you able to comfort her? It sounds very tough OP, I’m sorry. It sounds on the surface like he’s being a dick but if I lived next door to a 9 month old who was crying for long stretches I would be concerned too so without knowing what’s going on it’s hard to say. Either way it’s clearly not easy for you.

@InTheRainOnATrain I completely agree he wasn’t to know she is unwell but even after me proceeding to tell him that she’s poorly he still continued to tell me to seek support as she shouldn’t be crying this much. Her bedroom is on the back of the house and as far am I’m aware his is on the front so there really isn’t much more I can do other than sleep in the living room which is comfy for me or my baby. I personally think he could’ve handled the situation better instead of making me feel belittled and like I’m not doing my best. I would never complain about a neighbours baby crying as it’s what babies do as frustrating as it must be. I’d get some ear plugs and ride it out as I know it wouldn’t last forever. But I do also see his side that he’s tired.

@peachgreen she has been getting temperatures for the last 3 nights which 3 professionals have said is viral and to ride it out. She does cry but for no longer than 3 minutes, I grab her and cuddle her as soon as she murmurs but unfortunately she still cries. Sometimes she’s still asleep crying which my HV said would be because of the temperature/pain she’s in. I have her medicine in a syringe ready for her waking and her bottle made up to give her, I have 5 dummies next to the bed and her comforters.. I hand on heart feel like there’s not much more I can do.

@Shopper727 if I could do more to help her, or be poorly myself so she didn’t have to, then I would in a heartbeat. There’s nothing worse than seeing your baby so poorly and feeling so helpless no matter what you do. I would never knock on a neighbours door to complain about a baby crying especially after seeing the mum who clearly looks exhausted. It’s lovely to know that I’m not the only one out there who agree’s too!

Just ignore OP, its not intentional, your doing your best and if they ever put a complaint in to the council they wouldn't get very far. This also wont last forever

Och, poor wee poppet. Yep, he's being a dick. You're clearly doing everything you can. Periods of 3 minutes over the course of 3 nights is really not abnormal or excessive.

Ignore the twat.Bet he wouldn’t call when your partner is there.
There is practically an unwritten rule that if babies cry they cry.
Anyway you have reached out for support…your baby went to hospital, or what the twat really means support so he doesn’t hear a baby.
He hasn’t got a clue if they have no children.
Sorry that has really annoyed me so don’t you take it to heart ❤️.

Nod smile and give it no headspace.

separately have you considered moving your DD from nursery to a Childminder? We get a lot less illness with the CM.

Ignore him and tell him to go fuck himself next time he complains.

What does he and other people on the post think you're supposed to do, smoother her, gag her???? Ffs, it's a 9 month old, and if you've had kids, you'll understand and get that it's not an easy stage at the best of times - especially when they're poorly and their only way of communication is crying. Honestly this boils my blood, cos it's not like your blaring music to all hours of the night, it's a fecking baby crying cos she's ill 😒

Ignore him, he sounds like a miserable arsehole, keep doing what you are doing. Stay strong and I hope baby gets better soon 🫶🏽

Some people have no patience for babies.

A friend of mine has a new born. Her neighbour now blasts music as loud as they can whenever they hear the baby cry. Good job mate.

He might think you're just leaving the baby to cry in the cot like some mums struggling to bond etc do and meant support for that?
Depending on the way he said it either explain and reassure that you and baby are fine and baby has seen the doctor when unwell and you're holding her when she cries, or if he seemed to just be angry and venting just leave it and if he brings it up again tell him obviously you're trying to comfort her but unwell babies cry, but you understand that he doesn't have experience with babies.

Be understanding. They are also sleep deprived. They are entitled to yo a good nights sleep in their own home. You cant help having a poorly baby. Perhaps they were being helpful suggesting you nedd support...you do! A crying baby is so difficult when you need sleep. Can a parent help out?

Maybe go round with a bottle of and some ear plugs. Say shes really poorly and you are really trying. You have had no sleep either so you understand how exhausted they are

@Cas112 @GreatGateauxsby @IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken @RedToothBrush & all you other lovely lot who have completely put my mind at ease, Thankyou❤️ I’ve been talking to my HV today who also agree’s he is a complete a**hole, she has comforted me and told me that my baby is just building her immune system and that I’m doing more than enough for her. I’ve never felt so helpless and weak and his visit to my door this morning has completely knocked me for six. Thankyou for your lovely words and for making me feel so much better.
ps. He’s getting a visit from my partner when he’s home from work as well as some ear plugs!
🤪

@GreatGateauxsby That’s really good to know because I have been considering this. We have a child minder on our road I did wonder if that may help her. I’ll definitely enquire. Thankyou 😊

You're exhausted and teary, he's exhausted and pissed off. Nobody's fault, just part of iving with party walls.