Neighbour complaining about my poorly baby crying at night

[PhoebsmumX]

Looking for a little bit of advice.
I have a 9 month old little girl who was born with Strep B. She was extremely poorly at birth and spent a week in ICU. We were so very lucky that she made a full recovery and thankfully has no lasting effect from the infection.
however, since starting nursery 3 months ago, she has been constantly poorly. She’s had every cold, cough and runny nose and hasn’t been sleeping great at night. This last week, my little one has been to the doctors twice and admitted to hospital with an extremely high fever which we now know is a viral infection.
seeing her so poorly is heartbreaking and we as parents are doing our very best.
which leads me to what other mums think to the below.
my neighbour knocked on my door this morning, for reference they have no kids so they don’t understand. However after being awake every hour in the night with my poorly baby who keeps getting temperatures of 39 +, already emotional and exhausted. He proceeds to complain about her crying and keeping him and his wife awake. He then told me to seek support and now I feel like the worlds worse mum because my poorly baby is crying in the night!
i admit that she has been crying a lot however I am doing everything in my power to help her, she’s started sleeping with me again so I can get to her as soon as I hear her murmur. I’m personally in shock, as I would never complain about a neighbours baby crying. But I’d like to know what other mums think and if I’m being unfair?!

His noise (which he could do something about) has been going on for longer than the OP’s ill DD.

What point are you not getting?

The key difference being you can turn music down/off or refrain from revving an engine whereas babies don't come with such controls.

Music is totally different. It's optional. If you complain to the council that your neighbour is playing music at a loud volume at unsociable hours they will investigate it. They won't investigate a noise complaint about a crying baby because sensibly they realise that the baby doesn't have a volume control button or off switch.

I think it's perfectly logical to accept that whilst you can't control a child's crying you can take reasonable steps to understand and appreciate the impact it can have on your neighbours and I don't think I would be insisting on people turning down music if I knew they were upset about a child crying. I think on both sides it's give and take and it's incredibly entitled of both to say not my problem, put up with it.

What exactly do you think she should do?

@newnamechange98 OK - so the OP appreciates the impact. And? His complaining about it -and continuing to complain even after the OP explained the situation and was obviously upset - isn’t going to change anything. As a pp said, it’s like complaining about the rain.

Do you not understand his loud music and early morning/late night motorbike noise has been going on for far longer than the OP’s DD has been crying? She hasn’t insisted on anything, nor has she complained about it - because she appreciates it’s part and parcel of living in close proximity to others. He needs to do the same.

Much better to leave a 6 month old home alone 🫠

I'd apologise for the noise but also say she is unwell, without going into detail, and say there is nothing you can do about it.

Whereas he can buy some earplugs and forget about the baby crying, the ocean going fuckwit.

I wouldn't say the last bit - unless he was very rude.

Gosh, I really can't imagine.

Do you think paying bills/mortgage/rent is a good idea?

A year isn't compulsory. The only rule is that you can't work for two weeks after the birth...I think. Anything else is for the mother to decide.

You must be a better person than me. I wouldn't even apologise

All this, which doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have sympathy for a sick child, but it must be driving them mad.

Firstly, you are a great mum

He has no grounds to complain, you are caring for a very sick baby and he should back off.

Don't you go feeling bad about this, you owe the neighbour nothing.

If he continues to complain then his actions are discriminatory and prejudiced so you could contact your local authority ( council) with details of what's been happening and they will give him a warning.

A sick baby can not help the noise they are making as they are suffering enough, so you have more than a legitimate reason to tell him to back off.

You have no idea what the OP’s circumstances are. She might be self employed, on a zero hours contract, not qualify for full maternity pay, still studying, whatever. Not everyone has cushy jobs with cushy leave packages protecting them.

Yawn. Is that the best you could come up with?

Tell him to get some ear plugs and a white noise machine.

What a tosser

Oh OP I'm sorry just remember it's really hard for those who haven't had children or direct experience with babies via work or family to understand exactly what a baby might entail.

Also do remind yourself (and your neighbour if you like) that he, and all of us, were babies once who probably got poorly or cried from time to time so unless he wants to show you his 'I have never cried' certificate from age 0-12months he can fuck off x

Tell them to get a sound machine, I use it so I don't hear my roosters crowing in the early hours of the morning and it works

Post two sets of ear plugs through his door for him and his wife. Don't give it anymore thought.

I have no kids and would absolutely understand (a bit insulted by that suggestion tbh). They're complaining because they're miserable, moaning, idiots.

After several broken nights I might have knocked on your door. The difference is that I would have been bringing a cake or maybe a casserole, if I knew you well enough then offering to take your little one out for a push in the buggy for an hour. He's an arse OP don't give him a minutes thought

What a horrible man. He definitely chose to come round while he knew you were on your own and it’s no coincidence that was more pleasant to your partner when he went over to see him than he was to you. He’s a small minded bully and if I were you, I wouldn’t give him a second more headspace. It’s frustrating having your sleep disrupted but it’s pretty clear, in most cases, that no one wants to comfort and settle baby more than the parents do!

I totally understand how upsetting this would be for you. When my second child was born my eldest took it really hard. She was 3 and didn't understand why this new baby was taking all our attention. She had just started preschool too and it was all too much for her. She started getting really upset at bedtime, tantrums during the day, would wake up screaming etc. It was awful and we were exhausted with a new baby on top who was up throughout the night. Our neighbours never once complained and her room was beside one of theirs etc. My husband went round with some chocolate and a bottle of wine a few days in to explain and they were so good about it. They did have grown up triplets though so luckily they got it. Your neighbour could have approached this from a sympathetic perspective and asked how he could help if he was actually concerned. At the very least when you explained your baby was sick he should have apologised for adding to your load.