Neighbour complaining about my poorly baby crying at night

[PhoebsmumX]

Looking for a little bit of advice.
I have a 9 month old little girl who was born with Strep B. She was extremely poorly at birth and spent a week in ICU. We were so very lucky that she made a full recovery and thankfully has no lasting effect from the infection.
however, since starting nursery 3 months ago, she has been constantly poorly. She’s had every cold, cough and runny nose and hasn’t been sleeping great at night. This last week, my little one has been to the doctors twice and admitted to hospital with an extremely high fever which we now know is a viral infection.
seeing her so poorly is heartbreaking and we as parents are doing our very best.
which leads me to what other mums think to the below.
my neighbour knocked on my door this morning, for reference they have no kids so they don’t understand. However after being awake every hour in the night with my poorly baby who keeps getting temperatures of 39 +, already emotional and exhausted. He proceeds to complain about her crying and keeping him and his wife awake. He then told me to seek support and now I feel like the worlds worse mum because my poorly baby is crying in the night!
i admit that she has been crying a lot however I am doing everything in my power to help her, she’s started sleeping with me again so I can get to her as soon as I hear her murmur. I’m personally in shock, as I would never complain about a neighbours baby crying. But I’d like to know what other mums think and if I’m being unfair?!

It’s an unfortunate situation tbh don’t take it to heart just apologise
its just one of those things but they must be at the end of there tether and struggling to function going to work after night after night of no sleep

She had a poorly start to life and gone to nursery six months later so she won't be In The best place to fight all the germs and illness she's being exposed to is there any way you can change that for her because it will be one thing after another The neibour is out of order you can't help it and are doing all that you can. He needs to get earplugs and you need to do what you need to do without worrying about him Take no notice of him and I hope your baby gets well soon a

I'm sorry you're having a tough time but you are conflating two issues. Of course you're not being unreasonable for having a poorly baby, there isn't anything you can do about that and you're doing your best for your little one, I'm sure you're a wonderful mother. But your neighbors isn't being unreasonable for being unhappy about the crying, he just isn't.

He can be unhappy about it...he is being unreasonable in speaking to her about it though

I think that depends on how he does it? I think in this case it wasn't done well. I think it's fair to be able to speak to patients if a crying baby is causing disruption. I think open lines of communication from both parties makes the whole thing easier to deal with and get through.

I think op he wasn’t to know she was unwell. And he isn’t to know you weren’t just letting her cry, but more than that if you’re exhausted through lack of sleep, then so are they to be honest, and exhaustion does impact peoples behaviour.

hope you’re little girl makes a fast recovery, it sounds really hard.

@Picklesjar20 @zaffa I so agrees with you.
i have tried sleeping on the sofa with her but neither of us were comfy as our sofa is only small, I also tried the air bed in her room last night but she just wanted to be held and trying to hold a baby on a single air bed was just not working. The only way we get any sort of rest is if my partners on the sofa and she’s in bed with me, so that’s what we’re currently doing. I understand people saying take her out in the car etc but I’m exhausted and wouldn’t feel safe driving. I get his fustration, but you are so right, we are such a negative nation and it’s so sad. ☹️

Do you frequent this forum to dump unhelpful nonsense on women already worrying about small children?

This.

If he can't sleep because your child is crying that's a legitimate issue for him. I don't understand all the posts saying just laugh at him I think it's disgusting. He's just as entitled to quiet enjoyment of his property as Op is. I get Op may not be able to do much about her child crying but some sympathy wouldn't be a bad idea.

he also told me to try not letting her nap in the day

Haha what a prize idiot this man is! He really thinks a 9mo baby will cry less if you don't let her nap? He clearly knows nothing about babies but still feels fit to go and give you unsolicited advice like this?

He is no doubt insufferable to everyone. I can just imagine him giving this kind of nonsense advice to his sister/sister in law, if he has nieces and nephews.

He's an idiot and not worth a moment's thought more. I don't think he'll bother you again now that your dp has spoken to him.

He's just as entitled to quiet enjoyment of his property as Op is

Oh you’re so right - the OP is entitled to peace and quiet. Her neighbour would do well to remember that before he starts moaning about noise from other people - he can easily stop his noise, an ill 9 month old baby not so much.

I think he's more than entitled to make the noise he is and let's face it, a lot of people wouldn't have even spoken to the OP, they would just have been louder.

In which case, he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

Who is meant to look after her if OP doesn’t have a willing grandparent/nanny to hand? The flower fairies? Most 6 month olds can’t take care of themselves during the working day.

I don't get what you're talking about he wouldn't be expecting a leg to stand on, as he wouldn't be having the argument at all would he, he would just be doing tit for tat.

I think it's more decent he did actually approach the OP but when you read comments like on this thread, not sure why he bothered he'd been better having less consideration.

No... talking about it is utterly pointless. A baby cries....there's no off switch. There is nothing to talk about. This is why if you made a noise complaint to the council about a crying baby, they wouldn't do anything.

Exactly. A crying baby is the sort of thing that absolutely no one will be happy about, it's an awful sound. No one will be trying harder to stop it than the parents. It's just part of life unfortunately. Zero point in complaining.

While I sympathise with that it's not nice being kept awake, what does he expect you to do? I would take the 'seek help' comment as incredibly patronising too. You have sought help. It's a sick baby. She will cry until she's better.

If he doesn't like it he would be better off moving to a more remote area where he doesn't have neighbours close by because it's virtually impossible to never hear anyone else's noise when you live in a semi/terrace house.

He's an intolerant arse who clearly doesn't understand that babies don't have an off button. Do what you can within reason (move the crib away from the wall etc) and then don't sweat it.

Oh and the poster who criticised op for putting her dd in nursery....fuck all the way off too, you don't get to judge other people's lifestyle and work commitments. Not everyone has a village to provide free childcare.

ageratum1 · Yesterday 20:50
Why do so many people want to escalate neighbour problems? Can you not just apologise and buy them some flowers and chocolates.Itisn't uour fault in the senses that you have done nothing wrong, but nevertheless it is your child that is preventing them sleeping.
Try to remember everyone else also has their own set of problems you know nothing about”

Agree with this. I can’t wear ear-plugs, I get repeat ear infections. Understanding is needed on both sides. The idea that only people who can afford a detached house are entitled to a night’s sleep is silly.

I think it's just good manners actually. I appreciate nothing can be done about it. But acknowledging the fact, rather than ignoring it doesn't help the situation, it creates friction and resentment. Why do people seem so increasingly insular, self centered and entitled these days. Works both ways of course. I think if we had a new baby next door, I'd be tempted to pop a card and a gift round with some words of understanding and reassurance to the new parents.

Wow. Cmon now. The op is exhausted, she isn’t getting any sleep; he isn’t either, people don’t often sit and practice what they say in advance, to get it perfect, and when we are tired we often do say some inadvisable things. He didn’t know she’d sought help. And he’s not saying eh doesn’t want to hear no noise at all.

@Janetime but the point is, what does he want her to do? Complaining about a crying baby is like complaining it's raining. It's annoying but there's nothing anyone can do about it. All he's achieved is making her feel even worse and even more anxious.

What do you mean tit for tat? His noise has been going on for ages.

@SirChenjins Op says her child's been crying for ages and that her neighbour approached her? That was a decent thing to do, his noise (music not late in the evening and a motorbike) is not as consistent as the OP's child crying. He doesn't appear to have done tit for tat, I don't get your point?