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Parenting

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Neighbour complaining about my poorly baby crying at night

217 replies

PhoebsmumX · 17/04/2024 13:00

Looking for a little bit of advice.
I have a 9 month old little girl who was born with Strep B. She was extremely poorly at birth and spent a week in ICU. We were so very lucky that she made a full recovery and thankfully has no lasting effect from the infection.
however, since starting nursery 3 months ago, she has been constantly poorly. She’s had every cold, cough and runny nose and hasn’t been sleeping great at night. This last week, my little one has been to the doctors twice and admitted to hospital with an extremely high fever which we now know is a viral infection.
seeing her so poorly is heartbreaking and we as parents are doing our very best.
which leads me to what other mums think to the below.
my neighbour knocked on my door this morning, for reference they have no kids so they don’t understand. However after being awake every hour in the night with my poorly baby who keeps getting temperatures of 39 +, already emotional and exhausted. He proceeds to complain about her crying and keeping him and his wife awake. He then told me to seek support and now I feel like the worlds worse mum because my poorly baby is crying in the night!
i admit that she has been crying a lot however I am doing everything in my power to help her, she’s started sleeping with me again so I can get to her as soon as I hear her murmur. I’m personally in shock, as I would never complain about a neighbours baby crying. But I’d like to know what other mums think and if I’m being unfair?!

OP posts:
Nettie1964 · 20/04/2024 08:11

Babies cry and it's very hard when you are tired.Is there some underlying problem? Newborns cry a lot but at 9 months mine didn't cry much at all unless they hurt themselves. Is she in pain? Ear infections? Can you sleep with or next to the baby until she's passed this. I know your neighbour seems mean but he didn't choose to have a baby but his sleep is obviously being disturbed. It's like a dog constantly barking, it's stressfull if you can't do anything about it.

SirChenjins · 20/04/2024 08:16

The OP explains all this in her posts Confused

Workaholic99 · 20/04/2024 08:32

I do have a child, I live in a terrace and can hear my neighbours moving around so I know they can hear when my baby is upset. It stresses me out so trying to look at it from the neighbours side I imagine that your baby must have been screaming near constantly for the neighbour to say something. They must also be exhausted from the noise. They have a right to peace in their own home just as much as you do. Could you not try taking her for a walk for a while to give them a break too? It's always better to try and be on better terms with neighbours as when you or they try to sell the house you may have to declare if there have been disputes

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Dinkydo12 · 20/04/2024 08:47

Cannot believe some of these comment. You are not being unfair. Babies cry tell him to deal with it. What a cheek. A neighbour of ours had similar dufficult times with their baby. I took cooked meals around to them a few times a week. Offered to sit with their baby so mum could have a sleep during the day. People should help out not complain all the time. Hope your baby feels better soon.

Nikki8762 · 20/04/2024 09:19

PhoebsmumX · 17/04/2024 13:00

Looking for a little bit of advice.
I have a 9 month old little girl who was born with Strep B. She was extremely poorly at birth and spent a week in ICU. We were so very lucky that she made a full recovery and thankfully has no lasting effect from the infection.
however, since starting nursery 3 months ago, she has been constantly poorly. She’s had every cold, cough and runny nose and hasn’t been sleeping great at night. This last week, my little one has been to the doctors twice and admitted to hospital with an extremely high fever which we now know is a viral infection.
seeing her so poorly is heartbreaking and we as parents are doing our very best.
which leads me to what other mums think to the below.
my neighbour knocked on my door this morning, for reference they have no kids so they don’t understand. However after being awake every hour in the night with my poorly baby who keeps getting temperatures of 39 +, already emotional and exhausted. He proceeds to complain about her crying and keeping him and his wife awake. He then told me to seek support and now I feel like the worlds worse mum because my poorly baby is crying in the night!
i admit that she has been crying a lot however I am doing everything in my power to help her, she’s started sleeping with me again so I can get to her as soon as I hear her murmur. I’m personally in shock, as I would never complain about a neighbours baby crying. But I’d like to know what other mums think and if I’m being unfair?!

Your priority is your daughter and then you and her dad, he could of come across better than he did and it's ok him complaining saying seek support, he is your neighbour. He could of offered support. At that point he could of said do you need to talk, offered to make you a cup of tea, asked if you needed some shopping, we have a neighbour who lost their first baby at almost 30weeks, he had a genetic defect and wouldn't live after pregnancy, it was very hard for them. It was heart breaking to know and I'd hear her crying. It was devastating.

Last year they had another son, hes so cute, both times our street rallied round. we asked if they needed anything. Shopping, a shoulder to cry on. I heard their baby crying alot at first in the night. I didn't complain, I was thankful their baby was healthy, but I felt for them aswell because I remembered how hard it was those first few weeks, they must of also felt alot of emotions after losing their first.

Any one with common sense knows babies are hard work.

My son was the exact same and my daughter, as soon as they went to nursery they got every bug going. It happens. Babies cry because they csnt communicate any other way.

These are grown adults that are complaining about a baby crying, the fact he knocked and said what he said shows how self centred they are and didn't think, the fact you were stood there crying and he proceeded to say what he said, I just cant even imagine. I think I would of closed the door in his face.

It's their issue, they are grown ups, they could keep windows closed. They can wear ear plugs, could put soft sounds on to sleep, I think sometimes people like to complain just to complain. If i was your neighbour and i heard a baby cinstantly crying with frazzled parents last thing id be doing is complaining regardless of how i was affected.

Your child is sick and there's literally nothing you can do about the crying.

To make it easier for you thou, keep her near, my kids would literally only settle if they were laid on me, calpol every 4 hours, keep rooms cool, but having her near will give her so much comfort and will help her feel a bit happier. I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. Remember to care for your self aswell, make sure you both get rest, take it in turns to get sleep if needs be althou I know my kids only wanted me so it can be tough.

Be kind to your self. You're doing an amazing job, motherhood is the hardest job in the world, it might not feel like it but you ARE doing amazing ❤️ big hugs xxx

caringcarer · 20/04/2024 09:35

Hearing a baby crying is awful when it just doesn't stop. Your neighbours won't know your baby is sick and that's why she's crying. You need to tell them she's sick. It's a temporary thing. Is she in the bedroom away from neighbours?

C152 · 20/04/2024 09:52

I am flummoxed by the number of replies saying you should be sympathetic to your neighbours and take your - extremely ill - child out for a walk at night so that the neighbours can get some peace! Babies cry. And here's a newsflash for those who seem unaware of this: some babies cry loads even when they aren't sick. There's no magic solution to keeping them quiet. Improved housing would certainly help, but since that's never going to happen in the UK, people need to just accept that if they can't afford a detached house 5 miles from the nearest neighbour, they're going to have to put up with the noises of everyone living next to them.

OP, please do not give any more headspace to your neighbour. And try not to stress about whatever it is they are thinking - you are under enough pressure. You and your partner just need to contcentrate on taking care of yourselves and your little one. If your neighbour comments again, just say, 'sorry you were disturbed' and leave it at that.

If it makes you feel better, there seem to be a small minority of people who do make these sort of pointless complaints. I bought my flat off a total dickhead. A while later I was chatting to the family next door who said they were so glad he'd gone, as he had come banging on their front door at night, when the wife was home alone with a newborn, and complained that the baby was crying and if she didn't keep it quiet he'd report her to social services. A decade later she still remembers that and loathes him for it.

You sound like you're doing an amazing job in extremely trying circumstances. Ignore your neighbour.

Noseybookworm · 20/04/2024 09:57

Please don't let your neighbour upset you! You have enough on your plate looking after a poorly baby without having to deal with their complaints 🙄 babies cry, especially when they're not well, it's their only means of communication. Realistically there's not much you can do about that and it sounds like you're doing everything you can. Hope your little one feels better soon 💐

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 20/04/2024 10:03

Don't open the door to strangers when there's nobody else home in future.

It's absolutely his responsibility to make sure he is comfortable in his own home when it comes to living next door to a baby.

Babies cry. Its just what they do. Some a little, some a lot. It's how they communicate, even with illness aside.

If they're not willing to help themselves by getting earplugs then you most certainly can't do anything for them.

1mabon · 20/04/2024 10:32

Did you not tell him that she has been extremely poorly and when babies are poorly they cry day or night? The walls must be very thin between the homes. If he complains again tell him to go away and stop complaining over something over which you have no control.

CrispieCake · 20/04/2024 11:00

He sounds like an arse.

If he complains again, I'd tell him he's welcome to come round and help you find the battery slot as you've been trying to take the batteries out of your baby for days now with no luck.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 20/04/2024 11:28

PhoebsmumX · 17/04/2024 15:38

no, I am not horrendous. I am a new mum of an extremely poorly little girl who is doing nothing but her best to make her better and comfort her, who also has had very little sleep and is nothing less than exhausted. My neighbour could see I was crying and devastated and also that my poorly child was in fact poorly yet still decided it was okay to make me feel even more helpless than I already do.. I know if my partner was home he wouldn’t have even thought to knock the door so that is exactly why my partner will be visiting him. And as for the ear plugs, that’s me being kind offering him something to block out the noise of my crying baby so he can catch up on some beauty sleep. So please don’t call me ‘horrendous’ like you know me.

Kindly @PhoebsmumX , because you are clearly stressed and upset sending your partner round i with ear plugs is at best passive aggressive and at worst just aggressive and confrontational. I get you’re upset which may be preventing you from seeing the other side of the story, but it’s awful to be kept awake at night for a choice you did it make- you chose to have a kid, he didn’t, but he’s having to live with the disturbance. He wasn’t to know your child was ill, or that you were upset, but I think he’s well within his rights to raise the issue and frankly if the child was being neglected or you were not bonding and ignoring them most people on here would be encouraging him to take action and check in on the kid.

I hope your daughter is better soon, but please try to remember they are having a rough time as well, it is not all about you.

Fernticket · 20/04/2024 12:04

Shopper727 · 17/04/2024 13:06

I don’t think anyone likes being kept up for any reason but a baby crying because she is poorly can’t be helped it’s not like yours leaving her lying crying and not soothing her. You must be tired and exhausted too and you’re not the worst mum just a tired one!

We’ve all been there when our babies are sick unfortunately your neighbours haven’t and clearly don’t understand or care and would rather make you feel bad. not much advice to give op, but hope your baby is feeling much better soon and you get some rest.

This. I don't have children (not through choice before anyone judges). I think your neighbour is being pretty awful. I have lived next door to people with babies in the past. Babies cry, especially when they are poorly. They don't cry through the night for ever. Your neighbour could get earplugs, or grow a more patient soul.

Debtfreegoals · 20/04/2024 12:44

What a bully he is. Tell him to mind his own business

fudgels · 20/04/2024 13:20

Is it just me who hate the word poorly!? I have no idea why either.

CelesteCunningham · 20/04/2024 13:34

Keepingthingsinteresting · 20/04/2024 11:28

Kindly @PhoebsmumX , because you are clearly stressed and upset sending your partner round i with ear plugs is at best passive aggressive and at worst just aggressive and confrontational. I get you’re upset which may be preventing you from seeing the other side of the story, but it’s awful to be kept awake at night for a choice you did it make- you chose to have a kid, he didn’t, but he’s having to live with the disturbance. He wasn’t to know your child was ill, or that you were upset, but I think he’s well within his rights to raise the issue and frankly if the child was being neglected or you were not bonding and ignoring them most people on here would be encouraging him to take action and check in on the kid.

I hope your daughter is better soon, but please try to remember they are having a rough time as well, it is not all about you.

Edited

It absolutely is all about the sick, crying baby.

Noise from neighbours is awful but sometimes we just have to suck it up, and a crying baby is top of the list.

fudgels · 20/04/2024 13:47

Keepingthingsinteresting · 20/04/2024 11:28

Kindly @PhoebsmumX , because you are clearly stressed and upset sending your partner round i with ear plugs is at best passive aggressive and at worst just aggressive and confrontational. I get you’re upset which may be preventing you from seeing the other side of the story, but it’s awful to be kept awake at night for a choice you did it make- you chose to have a kid, he didn’t, but he’s having to live with the disturbance. He wasn’t to know your child was ill, or that you were upset, but I think he’s well within his rights to raise the issue and frankly if the child was being neglected or you were not bonding and ignoring them most people on here would be encouraging him to take action and check in on the kid.

I hope your daughter is better soon, but please try to remember they are having a rough time as well, it is not all about you.

Edited

I agree. And the partner visiting him sounds like a threat tbh. So much drama..crying, helpless, in shock, devastated.

Just explain to your neighbour that she is sick. I wouldn’t have complained but it’s obviously disturbing to them to not get any sleep either.

Hope she feels better soon!

IamaRevenant · 20/04/2024 13:56

I'm not a mum but I would never complain about this. Babies have to live somewhere and babies cry. My downstairs neighbour has two small kids (I think about 1 and 2) and I'd never dream of complaining about their crying or tantrums etc. I ask their mum how she is if I bump into her after a particularly rough night. I also have earplugs!

Hope your wee girl is better soon.

SometimesIDowonder · 20/04/2024 14:43

I think before I had kids I may have said something to a neighbour, politely, suggesting they get help. It must be hard been woken up by kids without the benefit of having kids.

All you can do is explain she's been ill. They should be sympathetic. If not they're a twat and they can buy earplugs. It is what it is.

Genni01 · 20/04/2024 15:58

Being childfree how does your neighbour know what babies should or shouldn't do?
Plus you have already asked for/received support.
Obviously it's going to upset you but try not to pay any heed to him and remember that #ThisTooShallPass x

dimllaishebiaith · 20/04/2024 16:03

Genni01 · 20/04/2024 15:58

Being childfree how does your neighbour know what babies should or shouldn't do?
Plus you have already asked for/received support.
Obviously it's going to upset you but try not to pay any heed to him and remember that #ThisTooShallPass x

I'm childfree but I still know small babies cry a lot

Is this really not just general knowledge?

Cakeorchocolate · 20/04/2024 20:06

I hope your little one is improving @PhoebsmumX.

I hope you won't mind me just saying please don't try sleeping on the sofa or airbed with the baby (unless I've misunderstood and it was just you / your partner not actually with the baby).
Co-sleeping can be done safely but not on a sofa or air bed.
(Look up co-sleeping safe 7 if you've never heard of it.)

All the best for all of you. I hope the neighbour has stayed away since.

MellowHare · 20/04/2024 20:25

BlackStrayCat · 17/04/2024 15:41

You sound like you are to planning to threaten your neighour with a visit from you "partner"

Not at all nice.

So he’s allowed to knock on her door and whinge and moan and her partners not allowed to stand up for his family??!! OP continue doing what you are doing - I hope your little one is on the mend soon.

IamaRevenant · 20/04/2024 20:37

dimllaishebiaith · 20/04/2024 16:03

I'm childfree but I still know small babies cry a lot

Is this really not just general knowledge?

Exactly!

jrother · 20/04/2024 20:45

Tell him to do one!!! Babies cry, it’s tough. He can move if he doesn’t like it. You’re doing amazing x

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