Neighbour complaining about my poorly baby crying at night

[PhoebsmumX]

Looking for a little bit of advice.
I have a 9 month old little girl who was born with Strep B. She was extremely poorly at birth and spent a week in ICU. We were so very lucky that she made a full recovery and thankfully has no lasting effect from the infection.
however, since starting nursery 3 months ago, she has been constantly poorly. She’s had every cold, cough and runny nose and hasn’t been sleeping great at night. This last week, my little one has been to the doctors twice and admitted to hospital with an extremely high fever which we now know is a viral infection.
seeing her so poorly is heartbreaking and we as parents are doing our very best.
which leads me to what other mums think to the below.
my neighbour knocked on my door this morning, for reference they have no kids so they don’t understand. However after being awake every hour in the night with my poorly baby who keeps getting temperatures of 39 +, already emotional and exhausted. He proceeds to complain about her crying and keeping him and his wife awake. He then told me to seek support and now I feel like the worlds worse mum because my poorly baby is crying in the night!
i admit that she has been crying a lot however I am doing everything in my power to help her, she’s started sleeping with me again so I can get to her as soon as I hear her murmur. I’m personally in shock, as I would never complain about a neighbours baby crying. But I’d like to know what other mums think and if I’m being unfair?!

Are you the neighbour?

The poor bloke. Wasn’t too tired to go round and have a go at a woman with a tiny baby though was he. Maybe he should get himself to work a bit more so he can buy himself that detached house in the middle of nowhere he’s after.

Twat, Cunt & Nob sound accurate.

Am I the neighbour?

No, I’m not. I’m just not your average man despising Mumsnetter who thinks the world owes them a favourite because they procreated.

He had every right to knock on the door, he’s having to listen to a steaming baby.

@Doseofreality
What good did it do the guy to go round and further distress his tearful neighbour and her suffering baby?

Having a right to knock on the door doesn't mean he was right to use it!

What an absolute dick.

If it comes up again, you'll be ready. No one would like the baby to cry less more than you. You're doing all you can. You show them neighbourly consideration by not complaining about the music and the motorbike as you accept it's just part of having neighbours, you should appreciate if they'd do the same for you.

Maybe he was knocking to see what was going on? He suggested the OP gets some support, maybe he’s heard the baby crying for hours and something else, we don’t know.

If you think the OP is lying then say so and explain how you came to this conclusion or report it. Don’t go all ‘we don’t know’ in order to justify this a-hole’s behaviour.

Fair enough.

And how do you know he is a “a-hole”?

We don’t, we were not there. My opinion is equally as valid as yours.

I'm angry on your behalf OP, he sounds like a bully to have a go at someone who is crying and obviously having a shit time.

I also live next door to someone who plays loud music and hates the sound of my very quiet children who sleep through the night, so you have my sympathy.

Totally ignore them.

You said ‘know’ - know is not an opinion. I did not say I know he’s an a-hole, although his behaviour suggests he is.

I wonder if he would have said the same if it was your husband who answered the door to him??
I always find it fascinating do these people think you are sat with ear plugs in or enjoy the noise of your child crying.
Please try not to let them upset you. You are doing all you can.

I get why you're upset and you can't do a great deal about it. Babies will cry and you can't do a great deal about it. I understand you were upset with how he handled things but I don't think anyone is particularly at fault here. Do you think you could have handled this a little better? Perhaps popping a card and a bottle wine round to say sorry for the noise and that you appreciate them baring with you?

If he can't handle hearing normal noises from neighbours then he needs to buy a detached house. You've done nothing wrong. You've had a baby and baby's get unwell and upset sometimes, that's just life and he needs to understand that.

I had one of these neighbours who has thankfully moved away now, he caused us hell for 3 years. Don't feel bad about it, there is nothing you can do, babies cry.

He once reported us to the council for antisocial behaviour/ noise because my son was poorly for a couple of days and cried during the night. Obviously the council took no notice of this nonsense. I was fuming when I received that letter though and went straight round to his house , the coward ignored us and wouldn't speak to us in person.

He also had no kids and used to wake us up between 2 and 4am every weekend having loud sex ( which we never once complained about)

Do you think he could/should do the same in return for disturbing the OP? I mean, most people are aware of the impact loud music and early morning/late night noisy motorbikes have on their neighbours without having it spelled out to them - unless they’re particularly dim.

I'm all for trying to see the best in people @Doseofreality I'm sure that you would call round after a disturbed night in the house next door, tired and fed up...but still checking to see if help was needed.

However, from all the information we have, the neighbour was not of your mindset:
'He proceeds to complain about her crying and keeping him and his wife awake. He then told me to seek support'

If telling her to seek support (after complaining) was ever intended to be helpful - it failed.

I wonder what sort of support he imagined was available. Babies cry - aided or not.

I didn't see that reply, I must admit. Quite agree with you, their double standards are laughable and you reap what you sow in this world!! That said, on principle, I believe that being considerate, neighborly and getting ahead of these things is good advice all round.

Being considerate and neighbourly is a 2 way thing. If you play loud music, use your loud motorbike in the early/late hours, and go to your neighbours door and continue to berate them even though they are visibly upset and after they’ve explained the situation then people tend not to feel particularly neighbourly. Reap/sow is correct.

I am so overwhelmed by the responses to this post. For update. My partner came home and calmly visited him, the neighbour seemed more considerate to him than he did to me this morning, possibly because he’s had some time to reflect and think about how he’s made me feel. There wasn’t an apology however my partner made things very clear to him and explained just how hard we are trying and also made him aware of how he’s made me feel today and that it was completely uncalled for. I have taken everyone’s positive comments on board & really appreciate all the kind people out there. I am far too exhausted to even fight my corner to the people who consider his behaviour fair, I completely understand him and his wife are tired, I completely understand they haven’t had children and they don’t want their sleep disturbing, I also get that they may not understand why she is so unsettled however I am with the majority of people on here who agree he shouldn’t have knocked my door in the manner he did to complain. I hope now that he knows just how poorly she is, he shows a little more compassion and empathy just like I have when he is blasting music and revving his motorbike!!!
Thankyou again everyone x

Poor you, my son was like this, but he got to 1 year and all changed, you are doing a fantastic job. Post some ear plugs through with a note saying, I got some advice from HV, she said how well I’m coping under such stressful conditions, but suggested earplugs for you and wife. Have a good night 😴

You don't even need to explain yourself to these people op. Babies cry. The end. It's why councils won't even investigate a crying baby as a noise complaint.

Well done to your partner - it sounds like he handled it very well and hopefully your neighbour will be a bit more understanding. Sleep deprivation is horrible so I can understand his frustration, but to knock at a neighbour’s door and say what he did while it was obvious you were upset takes a certain kind of low behaviour.

Try not to worry - your DD will cry again, it’s what babies and children are designed to do for all sorts of reasons - and if he doesn’t like it then it’s too bad really. You’re doing everything you’re supposed to be doing and you’re doing a great job. Hang on in there, this too shall pass

So they've taken the gloves off now. You do the same. Complain every time their music is loud. Complain every time you hear his motor bike. Let this bully know he's picked on the wrong people. If he says they are not unreasonable just tell him. "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones!"

Why do so many people want to escalate neighbour problems? Can you not just apologise and buy them some flowers and chocolates.It isn't uour fault in the senses that you have done nothing wrong, but nevertheless it is your child that is preventing them sleeping.
Try to remember everyone else also has their own set of problems you know nothing about